azurillturtle » Lair » Madd

Madd

(#4168979)
Level 25 Ridgeback
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Familiar

Scrapmetal Tracker
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Energy: 0/50
This dragon’s natural inborn element is Water.
Male Ridgeback
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Biography

The Hydrophobic Pirate

The moment his unsuspecting next target drew close, he leapt out of the shadows.

"Arr! The dread pirate has arrived!" He swung his head in what he hoped was an imposing motion. "Give me all your seafood or I'll... I'll... spear you with my nose!"

Tsundora did nothing but stare at him. "Am I supposed to be scared?"

"Uh," he said. It was a moment before he regained his composure. "Of course! All fear the name of Pirate King Madd!"

"Uh huh," she said. "You can't even reach that sword of yours. And I'm supposed to be scared?"

"I can too reach it!" he protested. "Just watch!"

He reached for the cutlass at his belt, wiggling and twisting and trying to get a firm grasp on the hilt. By the time he realized Ridgeback arms were not meant to bend that way, Tsundora was long gone.



"Arrr! I'm the Dread Pirate Madd, terror of the frozen seas!"

Even Frej didn't blink at his entrance. "Sit down, Madd. Have a cup of tea."

"Does it have fish?" he asked.

"Heavens, no." The Snapper set aside his book and eyed the Ridgeback's attire appraisingly. "So. A pirate today, are you?"

"That's what I said," Madd said. His voice was almost a whine.

"Ah, yes, forgive me. Madd, what do you know about pirates?"

"Uh, that they sail on ships and hunt for treasure and steal things from lands called the Internet?"

"Hm. Your depth of knowledge never fails to astound me."

He couldn't tell if Frej was joking.

"All right, then, Madd. Supposing that you are a pirate." Frej adjusted his goggles. "How do you propose to sail a ship across the 'frozen seas'?"

Madd thought for a moment. "Uhh. I guess you push it."

...He did not at all like the smile on Frej's face.



No one told him ships floated on water.

No one told him pirates spent most of their lives out in the middle of the ocean on a rickety piece of wood.

And sometimes those ships sank and dumped all the pirates into the water and no no no he didn't want that--



"Done being a pirate already?" Tsundora asked the next time she saw him. He had ditched the hat, and the eyepatch, and the cutlass he couldn't really reach anyway.

Madd nodded and straightened himself up to his full height.

"I," he announced, "am a king. The ruler of all I survey. I bear myself with dignity and grace, moving only one square at a time--"

Tsundora rolled her eyes.

"Hey, where're you going? I'm not done yet! Listen to me! How dare you walk away from your king like that?"
end
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Seafood stocks are currently depleted.
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Exalting Madd to the service of the Icewarden will remove them from your lair forever. They will leave behind a small sum of riches that they have accumulated. This action is irreversible.

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