Excalibur

FOOL!

Fanderg for Excalibur from Soul Eater













The 1000 Provisions :D

No. 001: My mornings start off with a cup of coffee with cream[3]
No. 022: On a refreshing morning, start out with a refreshing greeting[2]
No. 058: Never talk to me when I'm humming to myself[3]
No. 075: Celebrate Excalibur's birthday in grand-style[2]
Excalibur considers every day to be his birthday, thus this task must be performed daily.
No. 172: Seek harmony[2]
No. 202: Only the Grandest toilet is acceptable[2]
No. 278: Never put carrots in my meals[3]
No. 349: Meisters must eat everything, regardless of personal likes and dislikes[3]
No. 452: You must attend my five-hour story telling party[1]
The most important of all 1000 Provisions according to Excalibur. It is the one he won't budge on.
No. 573: Always walk three steps behind me[2]
No. 578: The hero must never tell a lie
No. 602: Food must be prepared with the freshest ingredients
No. 667: You must praise Excalibur at all times
No. 679: Always place a dehumidifier in your room
No. 778: Never mail your mail without a return address and the proper postage, and don't call collect
No. 998: When you order a package for home delivery, you must always use cash on delivery

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QUOTES

WARNING LONG

Excalibur: "Welcome. Welcome to my cave young ones. Please forgive the belated salutations. I am the holy sword Excalibur!"

Excalibur: "My legend dates back to the 12th Century thank you very much."

Excalibur: "Young ones! Do you want to hear the legend of me? Do you want to hear a heroic tale?"

Excalibur: "My mornings begin with a cup of coffee with cream at the cafe. My afternoon begins with hot tea with two lumps of sugar. And my evenings... In the evening I change into my pajamas."

Excalibur: "The taller the chefs hat the greater the chef.... FOOLS .... Who said I was a chef?!"

Excalibur: "Before becoming my Meister there is a list of 1,000 provisions you must persue. Be sure to look through all of them, they're important. I greatly look forward to your participation in number 452: The five hour story telling party."

Excalibur: "No. 022: On a refreshing morning, start out with a refreshing greeting".

Excalibur: "Number 058 of the 1,000 provisions I would like you to observe, never talk to me while I'm humming to myself. This is an important provision do you understand?"

Excalibur: "No. 075: Celebrate Excalibur's birthday in grand-style."

Excalibur: "No. 172: Seek harmony. Seek it, thus. First! A haircut!"

Excalibur: "This brings us to number 278 of the 1,000 provisions you must observe. I hate carrots. Never even think about putting them in my food, you get it?"

Excalibur: "SILENCE! This is number 349 of the 1,000 provisions you must observe. Meisters should eat everything regardless of personal likes and dislikes. Never say anything as selfish as "I don't like carrots." again."

Excalibur: "No. 452: Attendance at the five hour story-telling party is absolutely mandatory."

Excalibur: "Have you forgotten provision No. 573? Always walk 3 steps behind me."

Excalibur: "No. 578: The hero must never tell a lie."

Excalibur: "No. 602: Food must be prepared with the freshest ingredients."

Excalibur: "No. 667: You must praise Excalibur at all times."

Excalibur: "To sum up that is what led to number 679 of the 1,000 provisions you must observe. Always place a dehumidifier in your room."

Excalibur: "Hey! Hold on, come back! I'll tell you what! I can lower those 1,000 provisions down to 800, just as long as you take part in the five hour story telling party."

Excalibur: "You want to hear my legend, don't you? FOOL... FOOL... FOOL... Ugh... Fool."

Excalibur: "My legend dates back to the 12th Century you see. My legend is quite old. The 12th Century was a long time ago."

Excalibur: "Nothing beats a cup of herbal tea in the morning."

Excalibur: "Of course they are my family. Isn't it obvious? And a wonderful family they were. It happened long ago when I was still in the flower of my youth. The cities began to grow wild, people lost hope for the future. They became lazy, idol time wasters. And to my everlasting shame I was no exception. Thus, I began to watch the 7 O'Clock news religiously every night!"

Excalibur: "Humming and the nightly news share a very tight connection indeed."

Excalibur: "A symphony can not be created using common sense and probabilities.It is already written in the fate of the composer. No... that's not it. A symphony is the inevitable result of a bad childhood, deafness, and too many beans eaten after a certain time of day."

Excalibur: "Thus I found myself carrying the entire weight of the troop as I preformed my dance before a capacity crowd at the opera house."

Excalibur: "One must take time to think! Rushing forward without considering things beforehand is the hight of foolishness. Ahh yes, that reminds of of another time when I had to consider things, that case was long ago but I remember it still. It was back when I still hung my hat on Bakers St. and called it home."

Excalibur: "It's quite basic actually, perhaps the simplest of tricks there is. True it may not seem so simple from an ordinary persons point of view, some people may even consider it a baffling, utterly perplexing problem. Things will often appear complicated on the outside while in truth they are simplicity itself. Of course how one sees these things depends on the person, many people find there is a fine line separating the complex to the very simple."

Excalibur: "I was all dried up. Yes, nothing could satisfy me anymore. I was but a shell of a man. An unspeakable emptiness grew deep within my heart. I became frustrated, sad, hollow. The gaping hole inside of me was growing larger everyday. Slowly consuming me from the inside out. At least until that day came."

Excalibur: "Thus at long last the fighting between the rival gangs had ended! To sum up this leads us to number 778 of the 1,000 provisions you must observe. Never mail a letter without the return address or the proper postage. And don't call collect."

Excalibur: "FOOL! As someone who is unaware of the vital role that singing has played in the cultural history of mankind you are in no position to question me. Remember that the next time you stop to consider your place in this world. You do not possess the power to deny a singer his song. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

Excalibur: "♫ Excalibur! Excalibur! From United Kingdom! I'm looking for heaven! I'm going to California! ♫"

Excalibur: "Well I think that about cover the 1,000 provisions that you are required to observe. Now I would like for you to participate in the most important provision. Number 452 the 5 hour story telling party."

Excalibur: "Victory and Glory!"

Excalibur: "Attention, Meisters around the country. I have a great opportunity to announce. You want to be a warrior don't you? So why not test yourself by mastering me? Only one person can have this honour, so act quickly! Observe my exquisite form. Notice my unparalleled sharpness. Act now and you'll receive four free hours at my five hour story telling party! Enter yourself for my special drawing. I will be teaming up with the winning Meister. Don't let this chance pass you by. Send entries to the address below. May victory and glory be yours!"

Excalibur: "This academy is nothing special. My legend is far more impressive than anything that has ever happened at this school. All students and Meisters must hear it."

Excalibur: "Fool. My legend dates back to the twelfth century you see. It began on a midsummers day with the sun blazing overhead. No, wait. It was a blustery Autumn day. I was the unsavoury fellow back when it all started. Which was in the winter as I recall. I remember the tough crowd, all the hot babes fought over me that summer. Yes. Yes that's right, it was summer. A scorching midsummer day. I was a dangerous man at the time. And yet, refined somehow. Everyone thought so. They still think so to this day. Although, maybe they didn't think so as much back then. But they definitely said I was dangerous, I'm sure of it...And I know I've always been refined so they must have been thinking it. Yes. Yes indeed. Everyone thought and said and talked about how amazing I was. I'm still amazing of course, but no longer the bad boy that I was back then. On that chilled, frozen winter day. I will continue the re-telling of my legend; But first, there will be a five minute break. Stand still and await my return."

Excalibur: "Hm? What do you want? The stated five minute break hasn't passed yet. Say... Don't I know you?"

Excalibur: "You can't wait five minutes? Fool."

Excalibur: "Now that you mention it, my legend began on the same day as today. A Tuesday or a Wednesday. Or a Saturday perhaps. No, it was on Monday. No. I suppose it could have been a Tuesday or Wednesday. Thursday's a distinct possibility or Friday even. Although Monday does sound right. And Saturday is a lovely day to begin a legend with. Perhaps it was a Thursday? Or Tuesday. Maybe Wednesday or Friday? There's always Monday too. And Saturday, we can't forget Saturday. No, no. It was almost certainly on a--"

Excalibur: "We fight then?"

Excalibur: "♫Sushi, sushi sushi roll-roll! Sushi, sushi sushi roll-roll! California-roll, California-roll♫-- Wanna fight?"

Excalibur: "Hiro! Good morning!"

Excalibur: "Now let us begin another great day, shall we?"

Excalibur: "Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Excalibur: "Your twenties will be the great transitional period of your life. It is a time of crossroads. Of immense change of incredible uncertainty. Indeed my 20's were such a period for me. That was when I evolved from a no good troublemaker to the legendary sword you see before you today. Many men envy my hairstyle you see and they were inspired... and formed a fringe group, a sort of cult if you will - Dedicated to the adoration of my daring hairstyle. They met every week. Or was it everyday? As you may have noticed, humans are very young from the time they are born until some years later. I however was born old and wise and would often discuss abstract..."

Excalibur: "That is all!"

Excalibur: "This man is the culprit! That's right! This man is the brother of the girl who went missing 10 years ago and the Author of this terribly tragic tale of revenge and murder."

Excalibur: "Everyday."

Excalibur: "I want some red king crab."

Excalibur: "Seconds."

Excalibur: "Well done! You have met the 1000 provisions. As a reward, I'll sing you a song. Listen carefully."

Excalibur: "Now, on our way. A-choo! A-choo! A-choo! A-choo! Only a sneezing fit, let's go. A-choo! A-choo! Nh-hee! Nh-hee!"

Excalibur: "Welcome to the story telling party! We will begin with my personal history! I shall recount my legend from it's historic beginning!"

Excalibur: "By the way, this tophat of mine is lined with the finest quality English seaweed roll."

Excalibur: "Fool. You shouldn't make assumptions... Fool. You may not be able to understand the subtle genius of my character but I assure you there are others who do. Worry not everyone. I shall return. See you later!"

Excalibur: "Fool. Why wouldn't I be here?"

Excalibur: "...Fool."

Excalibur: "...Immortality."

Excalibur: "Huh. What kind of greeting is that?"

Excalibur: "It was not idol curiosity that let to Eibon's immortality research. Indeed, the true reason... is much more tragic... His wife lay dying. Eibon's obsession with immortality was born because he desperately sought to save his beloved. But no matter how great the inventor, or how noble the cause... Transcending death is an impossible feet. Not even Eibon could hope to succeed in such an endeavour. But when all seemed lost, someone appeared by his side. Offering help and comforting words. That someone was... The Witch, Arachne."

Excalibur: "HA! That's just a bonus. My reason goes a great deal deeper than that... FOOL. That isn't it... I've come to observe."

Excalibur: "It begins."

Excalibur: "Look closely everyone. This is Eibon's ultimate creation. The magic tool Brew is assuming it's true form."

Excalibur: "And there in lies it's most fearsome power. If used the wrong way, Brew could destroy the entire world."

Excalibur: "FOOLS. What do you use your eyes for? Decoration?

Excalibur: "FOOLS. Nothing has been decided yet. The battle's still going on... FOOL! Of course I am... FOOL! SILENCE! I require a cup of tea before I deign to answer that."

Excalibur: "Fool! I said tea... and I mean tea..."

Excalibur: "FOOL! Those in power have the responsibility to maintain honour!"