Hakumei

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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 薄明 hdusk; twilight he/himh - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

ABOUT - They drift into his mind again, haunting him with their screams of agony and the sickening feeling of their minds being shattered into pieces. The dreadful sound their bodies make as they hit the ground, no longer able to function. The feeling of his claws against scales as he grants them a "merciful" death, lest they be forced to lay there and slowly starve themselves. He braces himself against the wall as all of the sensations of his past deeds flood back to him, disguising the motion as searching for a fallen trinket as someone walks past. They don't need to know. He's fine, really. No need for anyone to worry. He's not fine. He sinks to the ground as the footsteps of his ally fade, giving in to the fresh wave of guilt, self-loathing, and those memories crushing him on top of the ever-present exhaustion. Murderer. You never needed to go that far. He shuts his eyes and tries to focus his breathing and recover, or at least have something other than his traitorous mind to focus on. He quickly snaps them back open, realizing his mistake as visions of what he's done move in to take advantage of the darkness. Still, though, he focuses and eventually recovers enough to make the flight out of the clan's lair and wrap himself around the branches of a pine tree.

The bark and leaves against his scales do a bit to soothe his mind and give him a more pleasant sensation to pay attention to, but he still can't help that all too familiar misery from taking over his mind. It's not like it was his fault. He never asked for this power, never trained to acquire or hone it. He never even intentionally used it. Always, always it was in the defense of another, one who also never asked for this power. All he could think about was how he needed to protect. Never of how the sight of his eyes turning a pure crimson as those around them broke instilled horror in all but the most savage of his allies. And why shouldn't it?

He's a monster, no better than the worst of the clan, and he has no control over it. He tries to do what he can to soften his image, hiding himself behind a kind face and quiet, gentle words. It's all he can do, and it's not completely fake, he truly does intend to be one of the "nice" ones, but he still can't help feeling like a liar. His disguise works, though, causing those who don't know of his ability to see him as one of the more harmless clan members and those who do know about him to forgive him, sometimes even admire him.

A cold wind hits him, and he breathes the chilled air in gratefully even as he shivers from it. A bit clearer-minded now, and certainly less ill feeling. Perhaps, if he could not control his powers, he could control situations. Manipulate them somehow and force them to go his way, or at least go a way that didn't activate the protective instinct that makes him lose control. He had to admit that he had no idea where to even start with this, but... it was better than nothing.

NOTABLE RELATIONS - » gay - Hakkar Too bad Hakkar has literally no idea and is completely oblivious to advances. Haku gets very easily distracted by his presence, but tries to spend a large amount of time around him anyway. » Mentor - Ryuusui While most mentor-apprentice relationships in the clan are based on the teaching of combat or stealth skills, Ryuu and Haku's is based on calmness and self-control. » Best Friend - Sova Haku and Sova tend to bond over birds. They're nice. Sova is also eternally forgiving and supportive of Haku, and he of course returns the favor. » AWFUL - Kirave Unsurprisingly, Haku finds Kirave to undoubtedly be the most dangerous and chaotic member of the clan, and is strongly opposed to letting them stick around. He also can't help but compare himself to them when he loses control, which only worsens his own self-image. » Intriguing - Meian Very mysterious but very interesting. Possible friend material, but she evades everyone so much that it's near impossible to tell. This adds to the intriguing factor, though Haku seems to be the one of the very few who ever notices her. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

OTHER NOTES - » Hides how he feels not only to appear softer, but because he really doesn't do well talking about feelings. Even with Sova, he's prone to panicking and closing himself off. » Generally attaches himself to the calmer presences of the clan and stays away from the more chaotic or murderous ones. » His familiar is a fawn fox rat named Kalia, who is known to bring him small trinkets she finds around the lair. Though often morbid due to the nature of the clan, he finds the idea of this small animal thinking of him like that to be extremely endearing. » He is also often visited by one of Sova's friends, a sooty owl generally used as a messenger owl. Though Sova was the one who raised and trained it, it tends to spend more of its time not working around Haku. No one's entirely sure why. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh