Taurus

Drabble: At least they weren’t named Ka(VIII)lyn
“Yeah,” Buttercup continued her story, throwing a softball up and down into the air, spread out on Blossom’s bed as said sister lounged at the foot of the bed, typing on her laptop, “so then, I was like, listen Stacey—“

“Wait, Stacey P or B?”

“B.”

“Oof,” Blossom sucked on her teeth, “my condolences.”

“Right!” Buttercup sighed, “So, I was like, listen—“

Their bedroom door slammed open, causing Blossom to jump and Buttercup to miss the softball that subsequently went smashing into her nose.

“Hey!”

“Ow!”

The two girls whipped their heads up to get a good look at the intruder, only to find Bubbles standing in the doorway, flushed and breathing heavy.

“You almost broke my nose—“

“I wanna be sexy!” Bubbles yelled.

The two of them blinked and shared a look before turning back to her sister.

“Bubbles,” Blossom tsked, “don’t kick the door open. You could have busted it.”

This seemed to deflate Bubbles a bit as she guiltily looked back at the door.

“Sorry, door,” she mumbled, giving the wood a little kiss for good measure.

“Apologize to me! Not the freaking door!” Buttercup scowled, still rubbing at her sore nose, but Bubbles ignored her.

“I wanna be sexy,” Bubs whined again instead, “but I can’t!”

Blossom raised an eyebrow, “Uh, okay, sorry about—“

Bubbles draped herself across Blossom’s bed, laying directly over both of her sisters, “I’m miserable! I just wanna be—“

“We get it!” Buttercup huffed, pushing Bubbles legs off her face, “Sexy, whatever, get over it.”

Bubbles sniffled, hugging her arms tighter around Blossom’s neck, who, in turn, sighed and decided to just bite the bullet, “Okay, Bubs, why can’t you—“

“Because my name is Bubbles!” Bubbles cried, “You can’t be sexy with a name like Bubbles, it makes people think of preschoolers!”

“I think of baths actually.” Buttercup pointed out, only making Bubbles crying louder.

“Preschoolers and baths!” Bubbles corrected herself, crying into Blossom’s neck.

Blossom shot Buttercup a quick look before turning back to Bubbles, “Come on, Bubs, that’s not—“

“You should just buy a push-up bra.” Buttercup mused, speaking over her, “Or like a thong or something? I bet that would help.”

“You think?” Bubbles looked up from the crook of Blossom’s neck with a sniffle.

“No!” Blossom glared, “You don’t need to be sexy! You’re perfectly fine the way you are as is.”

“Well, that’s easy for you to say, Blossom.” Buttercup pointed out, “You’ve got a stripper name.”

Blossom’s cheeks blazed as she sputtered, “No I don’t!”

“You totally do!” Bubbles whined, pulling away from her with a grumpy humph, “Blossom’s a very sexy stripper name.”

“It’s not!”

“Lmao it totally is, stop denying it.” Buttercup nodded.

“Well—“ Blossom floundered, turning redder than her hair, “well you’ve—“ She pointed at Buttercup, “you sound like you’re named after a grandmother’s dead cat!”

“Ugh! I know!” Buttercup shot her arms in the arm in agreement before falling back onto Blossom’s bed, “It’s the worst! How could a man named John do us dirty like this?”

“He set us up for failure!” Bubbles agreed, “I’m never gonna get a boyfriend with a name like Bubbles!”

“Guysss, I don’t have a stripper name!” Blossom whined behind her hands, the red in her cheeks never once fading.

“Yes, you do!” They chimed back.

“Anywayyy,” Buttercup hummed after a moment resuming her game of catch, “I was talking to Stacey—“

“Wait, Stacey P or B?” Bubbles asked, wiping away her tears.

“B.”

“Oh.” Bubbles pulled a face, “I’m sorry.”

“Right??” Buttercup exclaimed.

“That’s what I said,” Blossom nodded, agreeing with Bubbles as she removed her hands from her face and picked up her laptop once more, face still tinged red, “So, what did she do this time?”

———

Boomer: my name reminds people of old people 😭😭😭
Brick: shut up boomer, I’m literally named Brick.
Butch: depending on the context, my name counts as a slur
Brick & Boomer: 😬😬
Butch: anyway I was talking to this chick, Stacey—
Boomer: wait—P or B?



Ommmmmggggg @bre-meister I’m sorry I’m screenshoting your reply but I want the record to show that I literally did NOT know/realize they named THEMSELVES

1) that makes this 100% funnier

2) Now I can only imagine is:

Brick: I dunno I just chose the first thing I saw 🤷‍♀️
Blossom: so you chose a brick????????
But more importantly:

Buttercup: wait. you named yourself a slu—
Butch: IT’S SHORT FOR BUTCHER

Oh **** wait!! This ^^^ but let’s make it dumber:
“Actually I named myself after our mother.” Boomer shrugged, “Ya know, as homage.”

“You have a mom?” Bubbles tilted her head in question.

“Yeah,” Boomer nodded solemnly, completely serious, “She died when we were born.”

“Oh my gosh, what?” Buttercup blinked and Blossom gaped.

“I just—I didn’t realize. I figured—you didn’t have a mother.”

“We have a mom?” Butch leaned into Brick with a whisper.

“We definitely don’t,” Brick whispered back.

“Should we say something,” Butch asked and Brick shook his head.

“Nah, I wanna see where this goes.”

“How did she die?” Bubbles pressed, putting a hand on Boomer’s arm, “If you don’t mind me asking, of course.”

“It’s okay,” he shrugged, looking a bit despondent nonetheless, “we didn’t know her for long. She blew up in the explosion—ya know, when we were created. One moment she was there the next moment, kaboom, gone. We blew her up. Boomed her. Boom’er. Boomer. I named myself that so I’d never forget what we did to her. That we caused the explosion.”

“How many mental hoops did you jump through to come up with that?” Brick snorted rolling his eyes. Any other time Butch would have agreed, but he seemed to be lost in thought, trying to put something together in his mind—likely trying to figure out who the hell their mother was.

“I was five.” Boomer glared at Brick.

Bubbles put a hand over her heart, “Oh my gosh, you poor thing! It’s not your fault.”

Boomer shrugged and sighed, going quiet. The grief broke Bubbles heart, but always willing to offer a comforting hand, She steeled her nerves and reached for Boomer’s arm. “Hey, come on.” She soothed, rubbing his shoulder, “Tell us more about her. What did she look like?”

“Small. Honestly, a little grimy since she was in a prison cell, I guess. But in her hey-day, I’m guessing she was a shiny porcelain white”

“Porcelain—“ Butch asked and looked at Brick, then whipped his head back towards Boomer, eye widening as he connected the dots, “—wait, wait, are you saying—“

“You named yourself after the TOILET?!” Brick finished Butch’s thought.

“Don’t call her that!” Boomer yelled back, tears forming in his eyes, “You’re just jealous cause I was mom’s favorite!”

“You think the ******* toilet was our mom?!?” Butch joined the yelling match, hopping up from his spot on the couch, “The Toilet!?!”

Buttercup leaned into her sisters with a whisper as they watched the boys fight, “Jeez and I thought we had mommy issues”

“Wait,” Bubbles whispered back, “I’m confused. Does this mean our mom’s a cooking pot?”