Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School, usually she slept through the classes.
One day, her teacher, a nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
"Tell me, Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
"God almighty!" Shouted Margaret.
The Nun said, "Very good." And continued teaching her class.
A little later, the Nun asked Mary Margaret,
"Who is our lord and savior?"
But Mary didn't stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.
"Jesus Christ!" Shouted Margaret, and the Nun once again said,
"Very good." and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
Then, the Nun asked her a third question.
"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her 23rd child?"
Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time, Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted,
"If you stick that in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The nun fainted.
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School, usually she slept through the classes.
One day, her teacher, a nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
"Tell me, Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
"God almighty!" Shouted Margaret.
The Nun said, "Very good." And continued teaching her class.
A little later, the Nun asked Mary Margaret,
"Who is our lord and savior?"
But Mary didn't stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.
"Jesus Christ!" Shouted Margaret, and the Nun once again said,
"Very good." and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
Then, the Nun asked her a third question.
"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her 23rd child?"
Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time, Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted,
"If you stick that in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The nun fainted.
@
FutureMopie
Oh, I've seen that before XD
It's wonderful
@
FutureMopie
Oh, I've seen that before XD
It's wonderful
Of course, when my time finally comes, the time to unleash all of my acquired puns and dad jokes, I can barely even think of one! Figures, eh?
I invite you to watch all of John Mulaney's specials on Netflix, but to especially watch his Salt & Pepper Diner joke that's been made into so many memes you've probably seen it but been confused as heck over it if you've never heard the original joke. Here's that link: www.cc.com/video-clips/plvv4v/comedy-central-presents-what-s-new--pussycat-
[indent][b]What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? [/b]A synonym roll.
[b]How do you count cows?[/b] With a cowculator.
[b]What do you call an alligator in a vest?[/b] An investigator.
[b]What do you do with a sick chemist?[/b] If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
[/indent]
When I was little, I worshipped my uncle and thought he was the coolest person alive. I also knew that lying was BAD, I was naive af, and I trusted my uncle completely. I also had a rather terrible cowlick, and he convinced me my mom let a cow come into the hospital room when I was born to lick my head... which is why I had the cowlick. I stayed convinced of that for quite a while....
[img]https://i.pinimg.com/originals/31/2d/dd/312ddd64e0195f38843bc0cf288c5943.jpg[/img]
And one of my all time faves, because I am [i]that[/i] pale and my family finds it hilarious that I shine like a beacon in the sunlight.
[img]https://i.pinimg.com/originals/72/10/8e/72108e36c1f780dc9d8b773c30122ad6.jpg[/img]
Of course, when my time finally comes, the time to unleash all of my acquired puns and dad jokes, I can barely even think of one! Figures, eh?
I invite you to watch all of John Mulaney's specials on Netflix, but to especially watch his Salt & Pepper Diner joke that's been made into so many memes you've probably seen it but been confused as heck over it if you've never heard the original joke. Here's that link:
www.cc.com/video-clips/plvv4v/comedy-central-presents-what-s-new--pussycat-
What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll.
How do you count cows? With a cowculator.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
When I was little, I worshipped my uncle and thought he was the coolest person alive. I also knew that lying was BAD, I was naive af, and I trusted my uncle completely. I also had a rather terrible cowlick, and he convinced me my mom let a cow come into the hospital room when I was born to lick my head... which is why I had the cowlick. I stayed convinced of that for quite a while....
And one of my all time faves, because I am
that pale and my family finds it hilarious that I shine like a beacon in the sunlight.
What's Harry Potter's favorite method of travel?
walking.
JK, Rolling
What's Harry Potter's favorite method of travel?
walking.
JK, Rolling
I love cats, so here are some cat puns! :D
[img] http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/cat-puns-002-57a9d03becf02__880.jpg[/img]
[img]http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/cat-puns-006-57a9d04b8d488__880.jpg[/img]
[img]http://img.izismile.com/img/img6/20130610/640/stupid_but_clever_puns_that_you_cant_help_giggling_at_640_08.jpg[/img]
[img]https://humoropedia.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Cat-Puns-1.jpg[/img]
I'm not sure my sense of humor fits what you're looking for, but here goes:
[img]https://pics.me.me/i-want-a-closed-casket-funeral-however-towards-the-end-of-30677838.png[/img]
[img]https://i.pinimg.com/736x/c1/18/bf/c118bfcb317c7f8ff11a918e8265b0c9--baby-owls-hysterically-funny.jpg[/img]
[img]https://i.imgur.com/6bp9Qs8.jpg[/img]
[img]https://pics.me.me/Facebook-8ee35f.png[/img]
[img]https://i.imgur.com/aO6k6s6.jpg[/img]
None of these are mine; I found them on the web. If the last one is too inappropriate for the site, I'll take it out.
