Ever had to drop a friend? | General Discussion

Eh--if i see a pattern of bad stuff happening to me, i'd cut them off ASAP. I find friendships are more pleasant if they enhance your life...rather than making you feel miserable. In most friendships, it's a choice. 'v'

I'm still friends with a person i've met in grade 5, she's v manipulative (prone to gas-lighting me), and i tried to sever the relationship off, but she kinda didn't want to because she really likes being my friend? I can tolerate her, and her antics--so it isn't so bad atm. But i definitely won't miss anything once we part ways when we graduate next year.

She's nice, I'm nice, together...we aren't the best people we can be. It would be ideal if we weren't friends at all, but...eh *shrugs* ^^"

(if i were more thick skinned, i wouldn't be her friend, even if she asked me not to BUT i'm not because i'm a softie)

Megalodonius

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January 23, 2015 22:02:18

Eh--if i see a pattern of bad stuff happening to me, i'd cut them off ASAP. I find friendships are more pleasant if they enhance your life...rather than making you feel miserable. In most friendships, it's a choice. 'v'

I'm still friends with a person i've met in grade 5, she's v manipulative (prone to gas-lighting me), and i tried to sever the relationship off, but she kinda didn't want to because she really likes being my friend? I can tolerate her, and her antics--so it isn't so bad atm. But i definitely won't miss anything once we part ways when we graduate next year.

She's nice, I'm nice, together...we aren't the best people we can be. It would be ideal if we weren't friends at all, but...eh *shrugs* ^^"

(if i were more thick skinned, i wouldn't be her friend, even if she asked me not to BUT i'm not because i'm a softie)

Last edited on Jan 23, 2015 22:03:21 by Megalodonius

Does anyone have any advice on how to tell someone in a nice way that it's not working out? ( We were "friends", so we're not in a relationship or anything. )

DrValentina

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January 23, 2015 22:05:44

Does anyone have any advice on how to tell someone in a nice way that it's not working out? ( We were "friends", so we're not in a relationship or anything. )

yep, that's something I've had to do twice in my life.

in the first case, the person was actually absolutely terrible and I only took so long to let go of 'em is because we were genuinely good friends at one point. and I wished it would happen again. but trying to be friends with her again 2 times after the first time she flipped on me, yeaaaaaaah. realized it wasn't gonna work out, said I was done.

in the second case, well... it's complicated. she was a lovely friend. truly lovely. but on my end, I was having a hard time due to realizing we just will never agree on so many things. and her views/opinions were just constantly in my face and it was stressing me out. I didn't wanna ever bring any of it up, because I didn't need arguments or drama to come from it. so I just kinda dropped her as silently as one can drop an online friend. I sent her one last vague message on Skype, and that was it.

midnightvoltage

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January 24, 2015 01:36:59

yep, that's something I've had to do twice in my life.

in the first case, the person was actually absolutely terrible and I only took so long to let go of 'em is because we were genuinely good friends at one point. and I wished it would happen again. but trying to be friends with her again 2 times after the first time she flipped on me, yeaaaaaaah. realized it wasn't gonna work out, said I was done.

in the second case, well... it's complicated. she was a lovely friend. truly lovely. but on my end, I was having a hard time due to realizing we just will never agree on so many things. and her views/opinions were just constantly in my face and it was stressing me out. I didn't wanna ever bring any of it up, because I didn't need arguments or drama to come from it. so I just kinda dropped her as silently as one can drop an online friend. I sent her one last vague message on Skype, and that was it.

underbelly stays winning

they/them | +2 FR time

@olivedrake
I have a best friend who is long-distance, that I've known for 6-7 years now (I forget exactly when we met, it was online). We're in the same country, a couple of hours apart so we've visited one another many times over the years, the first time with both sets of parents present. We were SO close, we'd talk for hours every day and night, school and college permitting. We helped each other through so much, family issues, depression, the lot.

Within the last year, she's been talking to me less and less and it's kind of been a bit sad but I guessed she was just mega busy (she has a full time job, we're both 22 now). But even in her free time, she wouldn't text me...in fact we could literally go for weeks without contact if I didn't text her asking her how she was. It got me down quite a lot.

Then she got a boyfriend. All she wants to talk to me about - when we do talk briefly - is him and don't get me wrong, I am happy for her, it's really nice that she's found someone so right for her (she's pretty level-headed and doesn't take relationships lightly). But again unless I text her first or something, no contact. I don't think she cares any more...

At this point...I'm just kind of...indifferent to the friendship...which really saddens me. I feel a little abandoned. And I don't even know if I'm being selfish.

Maenta

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January 24, 2015 02:26:40

@olivedrake
I have a best friend who is long-distance, that I've known for 6-7 years now (I forget exactly when we met, it was online). We're in the same country, a couple of hours apart so we've visited one another many times over the years, the first time with both sets of parents present. We were SO close, we'd talk for hours every day and night, school and college permitting. We helped each other through so much, family issues, depression, the lot.

Within the last year, she's been talking to me less and less and it's kind of been a bit sad but I guessed she was just mega busy (she has a full time job, we're both 22 now). But even in her free time, she wouldn't text me...in fact we could literally go for weeks without contact if I didn't text her asking her how she was. It got me down quite a lot.

Then she got a boyfriend. All she wants to talk to me about - when we do talk briefly - is him and don't get me wrong, I am happy for her, it's really nice that she's found someone so right for her (she's pretty level-headed and doesn't take relationships lightly). But again unless I text her first or something, no contact. I don't think she cares any more...

At this point...I'm just kind of...indifferent to the friendship...which really saddens me. I feel a little abandoned. And I don't even know if I'm being selfish.

@Rednettle25, guess it depends on how close you were, but really, the best way is to just open up and tell them how you feel. Don't go all, "You're like this, and you do this, and that makes me feel this" etc.. be more humble..
When I loose friends, I prefer when they can tell me what I've done wrong, so I won't continue doing it over and over again.. But that's just me..
But yeah, honesty can take you a long way, however vague you may choose to be :')

I lost my best friend this year, because I was being a bad friend when she was having a though time(which ruined our plans together this summer). Though, I was the one doing something wrong, whenever we met along our common friends, she acted like nothing had happened, that we were still the bestest of friends. However, that wasn't true, we barely talked outside those meets, and she was being kind of rude to me when I actually texted her. Not directly, and I might be a little sore at the time, but yeah, I didn't like the way I was treated.

Eventually, I managed to ask her how she felt, and she threw all this stuff at me, telling me I hadn't been there for her when she needed me, and started to tell me I was a bad person, and that she knew how I was just because I had struggled with loosing weight for so long etc... That was not a good talk, it was more about her throwing her feelings about me at me, and me trying to defend myself, since I didn't agree with her. I have tried being humble and apologetic this whole time, but just before Christmas, I decided not to care any more. Which was a very difficult decision...
I did consider her my soul mate at a point, since we think very much alike most times, and we could always trust each other for support etc.. but after that talk, I started to wonder if any of it was true. She had never said something was wrong with the way I behaved before, even when I had asked her. I don't like to be in a friendship where we tiptoe around the porridge, I would rather have her fight and yell at me regularly, so we wouldn't have this storm of an ending.. haha xD

But yeah, honesty works, as long as you don't go all bananas on it, be kind, even if you're no longer friends...

Getting rid of her is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, like I said, we were best friends, perhaps even soulmates, and I keep feeling the need to call her or send her snapchats of things I know she'd like, but I can't... hehe :P

Kiwiaka

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January 24, 2015 03:19:14

@Rednettle25, guess it depends on how close you were, but really, the best way is to just open up and tell them how you feel. Don't go all, "You're like this, and you do this, and that makes me feel this" etc.. be more humble..
When I loose friends, I prefer when they can tell me what I've done wrong, so I won't continue doing it over and over again.. But that's just me..
But yeah, honesty can take you a long way, however vague you may choose to be :')

I lost my best friend this year, because I was being a bad friend when she was having a though time(which ruined our plans together this summer). Though, I was the one doing something wrong, whenever we met along our common friends, she acted like nothing had happened, that we were still the bestest of friends. However, that wasn't true, we barely talked outside those meets, and she was being kind of rude to me when I actually texted her. Not directly, and I might be a little sore at the time, but yeah, I didn't like the way I was treated.

Eventually, I managed to ask her how she felt, and she threw all this stuff at me, telling me I hadn't been there for her when she needed me, and started to tell me I was a bad person, and that she knew how I was just because I had struggled with loosing weight for so long etc... That was not a good talk, it was more about her throwing her feelings about me at me, and me trying to defend myself, since I didn't agree with her. I have tried being humble and apologetic this whole time, but just before Christmas, I decided not to care any more. Which was a very difficult decision...
I did consider her my soul mate at a point, since we think very much alike most times, and we could always trust each other for support etc.. but after that talk, I started to wonder if any of it was true. She had never said something was wrong with the way I behaved before, even when I had asked her. I don't like to be in a friendship where we tiptoe around the porridge, I would rather have her fight and yell at me regularly, so we wouldn't have this storm of an ending.. haha xD

But yeah, honesty works, as long as you don't go all bananas on it, be kind, even if you're no longer friends...

Getting rid of her is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, like I said, we were best friends, perhaps even soulmates, and I keep feeling the need to call her or send her snapchats of things I know she'd like, but I can't... hehe :P

@Rogue It's awful, isn't it!:/ I think you should start talking to other people and make newer friends so that you two can grow gradually apart. This is what I've been trying to do and it's sort of working!:D
And don't worry about ranting, it's better to tell someone instead of keeping it bottled up!xD

Shadowthing

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January 24, 2015 04:00:51

@Rogue It's awful, isn't it!:/ I think you should start talking to other people and make newer friends so that you two can grow gradually apart. This is what I've been trying to do and it's sort of working!:D
And don't worry about ranting, it's better to tell someone instead of keeping it bottled up!xD

A few times, I've stopped being friends with people who turned out to be very rude and friends who only wanted to be friends with me for sexual reasons. :/

LordOmmadon

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January 24, 2015 04:09:39

A few times, I've stopped being friends with people who turned out to be very rude and friends who only wanted to be friends with me for sexual reasons. :/

I had to drop two friends years ago. Long story short I have a physical disability so oftentimes I have a hard time gathering enough energy to actually leave the house to hang out and apparently they were fed up with it and claimed I was making excuses. After they called me some inappropriate things I decided it really wasn't worth it and dropped them. One of them occasionally sends messages saying they miss me but even before the big fallout they treated me poorly so I don't think I'll ever try to make amends. I'm on the fence about some other friends and whether or not I should just let the friendship fizzle away since they only talk to me when they need something edited or proofread which really doesn't make me feel too great. I've even tried telling them this and they'll apologize and stop talking to me for a month or so then go right back to just using me. I guess I have bad luck with friends or something.

Katinar

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January 24, 2015 05:03:10

I had to drop two friends years ago. Long story short I have a physical disability so oftentimes I have a hard time gathering enough energy to actually leave the house to hang out and apparently they were fed up with it and claimed I was making excuses. After they called me some inappropriate things I decided it really wasn't worth it and dropped them. One of them occasionally sends messages saying they miss me but even before the big fallout they treated me poorly so I don't think I'll ever try to make amends. I'm on the fence about some other friends and whether or not I should just let the friendship fizzle away since they only talk to me when they need something edited or proofread which really doesn't make me feel too great. I've even tried telling them this and they'll apologize and stop talking to me for a month or so then go right back to just using me. I guess I have bad luck with friends or something.

âœ¦3 hours ahead of FR timeâœ¦

Maybe I could get some insight on how to deal with this ?

So I'm a girl, and a little over two years ago, I went to college and obviously, made some new friends. I met this one who is a bit well..
She's a metalhead (don't have anything against that btw) -saying this because she has the look that goes with it-, she hates males, she's lesbian, she's naive, ignorant (I was the one who taught her what a period was .. She was 19) and so on.
Basically she is a good friend, she cares a lot about us and is generous as well.
The year we met, she came out to me and I told her it was no problem and I've supported her since. Last year, she declared her love to me but I had to reject her as I'm into guys. I saw her a month ago and she tried again. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to make someone you care about cry ?

The thing is, everytime I speak to her or text her, I feel like I'm her therapist. She's always saying how she has troubles making friends because she's different, how everything is dark, how males are horrible ect. I've tried my best to give her advices that are always the same but she seems to forget. She says I'm always right (and most of the time with her, I am) but she never listen and there's regrets after that.The thing is that she does absolutely no efforts to change when she can see it's not working.
Last time I saw her, she told me how she becomes jealous when she sees me talking to other people on facebook and how she had to log off to calm down. She's always saying she's sorry to do this to me and she knows it isn't fair.
She went to Spain for her job for a month and a half so I'm sort of in vacation right now.

Right now, she cut off contact with another friend because she had a boyfriend now. Basically she has only like 2 or 3 friends (me included but I think she considers me as her best friend - she's actually jealous of my actual best friend I've known for over 10 years). And she has none in her current class.

The thing is, I DO care about her because she is my friend, but I always feel worn out after speaking to her, I'm introverted so I guess that helps, but I'm never that tired after spending the day with another person. Playing the therapist when I have my own problems to deal with is tiring but I don't want to just get rid of her.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation ? Could you give me advice ?

Soujun

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January 24, 2015 05:32:38

Maybe I could get some insight on how to deal with this ?

So I'm a girl, and a little over two years ago, I went to college and obviously, made some new friends. I met this one who is a bit well..
She's a metalhead (don't have anything against that btw) -saying this because she has the look that goes with it-, she hates males, she's lesbian, she's naive, ignorant (I was the one who taught her what a period was .. She was 19) and so on.
Basically she is a good friend, she cares a lot about us and is generous as well.
The year we met, she came out to me and I told her it was no problem and I've supported her since. Last year, she declared her love to me but I had to reject her as I'm into guys. I saw her a month ago and she tried again. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to make someone you care about cry ?

The thing is, everytime I speak to her or text her, I feel like I'm her therapist. She's always saying how she has troubles making friends because she's different, how everything is dark, how males are horrible ect. I've tried my best to give her advices that are always the same but she seems to forget. She says I'm always right (and most of the time with her, I am) but she never listen and there's regrets after that.The thing is that she does absolutely no efforts to change when she can see it's not working.
Last time I saw her, she told me how she becomes jealous when she sees me talking to other people on facebook and how she had to log off to calm down. She's always saying she's sorry to do this to me and she knows it isn't fair.
She went to Spain for her job for a month and a half so I'm sort of in vacation right now.

Right now, she cut off contact with another friend because she had a boyfriend now. Basically she has only like 2 or 3 friends (me included but I think she considers me as her best friend - she's actually jealous of my actual best friend I've known for over 10 years). And she has none in her current class.

The thing is, I DO care about her because she is my friend, but I always feel worn out after speaking to her, I'm introverted so I guess that helps, but I'm never that tired after spending the day with another person. Playing the therapist when I have my own problems to deal with is tiring but I don't want to just get rid of her.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation ? Could you give me advice ?