Friend acting weird | General Discussion

So I have this friend, we've been friends for about a year now, and I've openly expressed that I'm not interested in him.

He used to be really mean, and a total bully, but at the time I was desperate for a friend, as no one else would talk to me, so I just put up with it.

Around the time he moved away, he became a lot nicer, and I had gotten detached form him, realizing how wrong I was to keep him around.

Around my birthday, he starts sending me presents, which is cool, I was appreciative. Same with Christmas, but the thing that's scaring me the most, is that he's asked me what I want for Valentine's Day.

VALENTINE'S DAY! HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND, AND I HAVE TOLD HIM THAT I'M NOT INTO HIM.

I've been trying to drop clues that I no longer want to stay in touch (i.e. deleting him from my Skype, Steam, etc.), and ceasing contact, because I just don't feel comfortable with being there when he has a girlfriend, I don't want to jeopardize anyone's relationship.

How do I get rid of him in a polite way? I don't want to be an a$$, but maybe I have no other choice. Am I just being too sensitive? Thanks in advance.

DrValentina

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December 20, 2016 12:59:16

So I have this friend, we've been friends for about a year now, and I've openly expressed that I'm not interested in him.

He used to be really mean, and a total bully, but at the time I was desperate for a friend, as no one else would talk to me, so I just put up with it.

Around the time he moved away, he became a lot nicer, and I had gotten detached form him, realizing how wrong I was to keep him around.

Around my birthday, he starts sending me presents, which is cool, I was appreciative. Same with Christmas, but the thing that's scaring me the most, is that he's asked me what I want for Valentine's Day.

VALENTINE'S DAY! HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND, AND I HAVE TOLD HIM THAT I'M NOT INTO HIM.

I've been trying to drop clues that I no longer want to stay in touch (i.e. deleting him from my Skype, Steam, etc.), and ceasing contact, because I just don't feel comfortable with being there when he has a girlfriend, I don't want to jeopardize anyone's relationship.

How do I get rid of him in a polite way? I don't want to be an a$$, but maybe I have no other choice. Am I just being too sensitive? Thanks in advance.

@DrValentina

Maybe politely tell him that you don't want to upset his girlfriend, so you'd rather not get a gift from him?

I've never dealt with any sort like this, but maybe that will help?

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December 20, 2016 13:26:03

@DrValentina

Maybe politely tell him that you don't want to upset his girlfriend, so you'd rather not get a gift from him?

I've never dealt with any sort like this, but maybe that will help?

I second what gazebo says!

Just politely tell him that you appreciate the thought but that you don't see it as appropriate, and that you feel uncomfortable with it.

Blackthorns

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December 20, 2016 13:58:08

I second what gazebo says!

Just politely tell him that you appreciate the thought but that you don't see it as appropriate, and that you feel uncomfortable with it.

@Gazebo
@Blackthorns

What you guys have suggested is great, and a really smart idea, and I really appreciate it.

BUT.

I've already tried it before.

I've tried to tell him before this incident, and he just doesn't get it. He says that "his girlfriend doesn't feel like a third wheel" but he doesn't seem to understand that I'm trying to say that I still don't feel comfortable with it and it's really frustrating.

A lot of his behavior (recent & past) aside from these incidents has made me feel like I just don't want to keep in contact anymore, it just kinda feel like a one-sided friendship, where he's putting moronity it that I am. I know how it feels to be on that side of a friendship, and I wouldn't wish that on anybody....it's just so frustrating that he's not getting it and I want to tell him without crushing his soul.

I'm moving on to other more important things in y life and being around him has been making me feel uncomfortable for several months now. I don't want to hurt anyone......but I don't know how to tell him a little more strongly without biting his jugular (figuratively. Sometimes it's hard to tel when you can't hear the person voice, you know?).

We live long-distance, so it should be easier, but I've just never dealt with this before and I feel like I need some exterior guidance.

Do you guys have any suggestions?

(Edit) Also I forgot to mention I have asked him out of curiosity due to his behavior if he likes me and he has denied it, so I guess that's a good sign????

I won't be interested in anyone for the next maybe 4-5 years, and I've never really been into that kind of stuff, and in regards to reading social cues in this kind of subject I am a -10/10.

And even if I was, my friend would be my last choice on planet earth, he has a history with flirting with several of the girls at my school, making poor life decisions, etc. He's not a very good pick for a lifelong partner.

I just want to break it off politely without coming off like a jerk.

DrValentina

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December 20, 2016 14:37:33

@Gazebo
@Blackthorns

What you guys have suggested is great, and a really smart idea, and I really appreciate it.

BUT.

I've already tried it before.

I've tried to tell him before this incident, and he just doesn't get it. He says that "his girlfriend doesn't feel like a third wheel" but he doesn't seem to understand that I'm trying to say that I still don't feel comfortable with it and it's really frustrating.

A lot of his behavior (recent & past) aside from these incidents has made me feel like I just don't want to keep in contact anymore, it just kinda feel like a one-sided friendship, where he's putting moronity it that I am. I know how it feels to be on that side of a friendship, and I wouldn't wish that on anybody....it's just so frustrating that he's not getting it and I want to tell him without crushing his soul.

I'm moving on to other more important things in y life and being around him has been making me feel uncomfortable for several months now. I don't want to hurt anyone......but I don't know how to tell him a little more strongly without biting his jugular (figuratively. Sometimes it's hard to tel when you can't hear the person voice, you know?).

We live long-distance, so it should be easier, but I've just never dealt with this before and I feel like I need some exterior guidance.

Do you guys have any suggestions?

(Edit) Also I forgot to mention I have asked him out of curiosity due to his behavior if he likes me and he has denied it, so I guess that's a good sign????

I won't be interested in anyone for the next maybe 4-5 years, and I've never really been into that kind of stuff, and in regards to reading social cues in this kind of subject I am a -10/10.

And even if I was, my friend would be my last choice on planet earth, he has a history with flirting with several of the girls at my school, making poor life decisions, etc. He's not a very good pick for a lifelong partner.

I just want to break it off politely without coming off like a jerk.

Last edited on Dec 20, 2016 14:43:03 by DrValentina

@DrValentina
My only suggestion is that you should probably tell him you no longer want to talk to him (if that's what I understand) If he asks why, you should tell him why, if he keeps pestering you, block him on all social media.
I have gone through the situation of a person i was friends with being a bully and mean, and that's exactly what I had done. It made things much better! Its not worth having people in your life like that even if they try to change their ways sometimes..
It is a good thing if he doesn't like you that way, and maybe he is feeling guilty but if you don't want to have contact with him, the best thing you can do is tell him. You won't be considered a jerk, even if he says so, you'll be doing the right thing.

Rezzie

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December 20, 2016 15:01:02

@DrValentina
My only suggestion is that you should probably tell him you no longer want to talk to him (if that's what I understand) If he asks why, you should tell him why, if he keeps pestering you, block him on all social media.
I have gone through the situation of a person i was friends with being a bully and mean, and that's exactly what I had done. It made things much better! Its not worth having people in your life like that even if they try to change their ways sometimes..
It is a good thing if he doesn't like you that way, and maybe he is feeling guilty but if you don't want to have contact with him, the best thing you can do is tell him. You won't be considered a jerk, even if he says so, you'll be doing the right thing.

Rezzie| They/Them |21| +3 hours
I’ve been gone for like a year I’m lost. Self Taught Artist, I make monsters

Yeah @DrValentina as @Gazebo said. Try being polite, yet firm, but if he keeps bothering you then well, be an a$$, when things like this happen you come first.

And if he doesn't stop and things get too creepy try getting help, from your family, friends (heck, the police if it gets to that xd) someone near you. In fact, explain the situation to someone you trust and is there for you now.

Went through something similar, and things got ugly and it sucked :(

Hope it helps ;) Feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to about this.

GreySpecter

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December 20, 2016 15:05:48

Yeah @DrValentina as @Gazebo said. Try being polite, yet firm, but if he keeps bothering you then well, be an a$$, when things like this happen you come first.

And if he doesn't stop and things get too creepy try getting help, from your family, friends (heck, the police if it gets to that xd) someone near you. In fact, explain the situation to someone you trust and is there for you now.

Went through something similar, and things got ugly and it sucked :(

Hope it helps ;) Feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to about this.

I think you may be jumping to conclusions by thinking he's interested in you by asking about Valentine's day because friends also give each other gifts that day. It's not an unusual thing and I think you should ask him about it before just throwing him to the curb

Plenilune

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December 20, 2016 15:19:46

I think you may be jumping to conclusions by thinking he's interested in you by asking about Valentine's day because friends also give each other gifts that day. It's not an unusual thing and I think you should ask him about it before just throwing him to the curb

Well-behaved women seldom make history - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

End corruption now

I've been in a similar situation. The only advice I can really give you is to leave if he starts going over the boundaries. Friends fall out all the time. Ideally, you would try to progress naturally and slowly cease contact, but if it comes to it, do not hesitate to cut him off completely.

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December 20, 2016 15:57:23

I've been in a similar situation. The only advice I can really give you is to leave if he starts going over the boundaries. Friends fall out all the time. Ideally, you would try to progress naturally and slowly cease contact, but if it comes to it, do not hesitate to cut him off completely.

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I think you need to let him know again that youre uncomfortable with him treating you like his girlfriend when he already has one? The only way to to deal with it is talking to him

PandaDork

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December 20, 2016 16:16:04

I think you need to let him know again that youre uncomfortable with him treating you like his girlfriend when he already has one? The only way to to deal with it is talking to him

Personally I'd just ignore him. Don't respond to any texts or calls from him, or just answer in one word, and if he does end up sending you a present for Valentine's Day, don't say anything to him about it. If you see him in person, be polite but brusk and answer questions as simply as possible and don't start any conversations.

This is how I've dealt with my ex. He is a genuinely nice, caring person but talking to him is beyond irritating because he doesn't understand the basic social queues of conversations -- switching topics randomly and staying on them obsessively until he suddenly found a new one, coming back to a topic some ten minutes later without any reasonable transition, not knowing when to keep his mouth shut (and general ignorance but I attribute that to his upbringing). I started not being able to tolerate being around him for that reason so I iced him out in the nicest way I possibly could: ignoring him, politely, since we do go to the same college and run into each other a lot. If I do see him in the dining hall or someplace I have to be, I pretend I don't see him and don't engage in conversation unless he starts it first, and then I answer politely but don't give him an opportunity to keep talking.

He got the message pretty quick. He has stopped going out of his way to talk to me and my friends unless invited and doesn't call me constantly anymore. (He has a cheap phone so I think calling is just easier for him than texting. Also he LOVES to talk. :P) From what I've seen he's found other friends to hang out with and is doing well now that he's gotten over the initial sting of the breakup.

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December 20, 2016 23:11:27

Personally I'd just ignore him. Don't respond to any texts or calls from him, or just answer in one word, and if he does end up sending you a present for Valentine's Day, don't say anything to him about it. If you see him in person, be polite but brusk and answer questions as simply as possible and don't start any conversations.

This is how I've dealt with my ex. He is a genuinely nice, caring person but talking to him is beyond irritating because he doesn't understand the basic social queues of conversations -- switching topics randomly and staying on them obsessively until he suddenly found a new one, coming back to a topic some ten minutes later without any reasonable transition, not knowing when to keep his mouth shut (and general ignorance but I attribute that to his upbringing). I started not being able to tolerate being around him for that reason so I iced him out in the nicest way I possibly could: ignoring him, politely, since we do go to the same college and run into each other a lot. If I do see him in the dining hall or someplace I have to be, I pretend I don't see him and don't engage in conversation unless he starts it first, and then I answer politely but don't give him an opportunity to keep talking.

He got the message pretty quick. He has stopped going out of his way to talk to me and my friends unless invited and doesn't call me constantly anymore. (He has a cheap phone so I think calling is just easier for him than texting. Also he LOVES to talk. :P) From what I've seen he's found other friends to hang out with and is doing well now that he's gotten over the initial sting of the breakup.