General Discussion

Being a closeted transboy in a very conservative Christian family has led to a variety of issues for me. I'm unable to get my hair cut to the length that I desire and I have no way to aquire a binder. My clothes are quite feminine as well.

Does anyone have any advice? I don't know what to do...

Back when I didn't have a binder I used to bind my chest with sports bras. I put one on forwards and one on over it backwards and it worked fairly well. Ofc you're not going to be as flat as if you have a proper binder but if you wear sweaters and stuff it's a pretty good method.

@gemstoneblue

This might prove disastrous but if you're really, really desperate, get something in your hair like a wad of gum of cotton candy or something that can't come out easily, preferably around the length you want it at. Or get it horrifically stuck in something. I know when I had long hair, those really tiny rubberbands tangled my hair so bad I nearly had to cut it. Either way, maybe, maaybeee, they let you cut it just to get it off.

Or you can do it like me: get to some hair cutting place by yourself and just cut it. I went to a cheap place within walking distance of my campus and got a boycut. Not the best quality, but I was still very happy that it happened. Family wasn't happy, but what could they do? Super grow my hair?

And with the clothes, preach the practical route and stock up on really plain shorts, pants, sneakers, and shirts. Yes they'll probably be girl sizes and styles, but plain is better than girly.

I'm sorry you're in that situation, I know it must be very uncomfortable, and I hope you're able to get to a safer place as soon as possible.

As for appearing more masculine, you have some options. Wearing baggier clothing can help conceal your shape, as well as wearing layers. A sports bra can help, but be cautious about going down in sizes as they can dangerously dig into your chest. Never attempt home binding with bandages or tape which I've unfortunately seen recommended before. Binding with anything but a binder can be dangerous and the damage can be permanent.

If you have access to cosmetics, there are numerous tutorials online for creating a more square jawline using shading, and you can try thickening or darkening your eyebrows a bit. If you have plumper lips, you can try slimming them down with concealer or using a lip color close to your skin tone to make them seem less prominent. As for hair, it can be somewhat difficult if you can't keep it short. You can sometimes create the illusion of shorter hair by tying it up in a ponytail and then wearing a hat.

A way to appear more masculine without cosmetics or clothing (or in combination with them) is to alter the way you carry yourself. Stand with your legs in parallel with your shoulders and your arms resting slightly farther from your sides. Practice walking with your legs farther apart without your legs crossing in front of each other. The more you practice, the more natural it will appear.

If you're on the thinner side, you can gain a lot from building muscle tone. Look into lifting weights to increase the muscle tone in your arms and chest, as this can also make your bust appear smaller.

However, the biggest tip I can give you for life in general is to start making plans now to leave. I don't know how old you are, but I can tell you that you need to start saving up. Take every penny you can get, any cent of allowance, any money from odd jobs or chores, and put it somewhere you can save it. If you have a bank account, make sure it cannot be accessed by ANYONE else. If you are a minor, keep your money in a physical place and not an account. Don't let anyone know how much you have.

I don't really have space to go into it here, but suffice to say that you will not be a free person regardless of your age if you are still living with/relying on your family if they don't accept you. I do hope that you can one day feel safe coming out to your family and that they will continue to love and support you, but that is sadly not always the case. Seriously, get ready to get out ASAP and take stock of whatever resources you can tap if needed.

If you're under the age of 18, just tough it out.

If you're over the age of 18, civil disobedience.

if you've got long hair, beanies are your friend, friend. baggy clothes will conceal curves and curb dysphoria. the double sports bra trick mentioned above will work wonders. i...honestly wouldn't suggest "masculinizing" makeup, as people tend to notice when other people have makeup on, but if it makes you feel good, you do you. don't come out if it will make you unsafe. keep a journal to keep you sane.

also, confidence is key. i've noticed that the more confident i seem in social settings, (easier said than done, i know) the more easily i pass. the way you walk and talk are a big part of it too. when you're socialized female, people tend to sprout out "oh my gosh"es and "how cute"s, which, a lot of times, can push you onto the "girl" side if you're teetering on androgynous in other's minds. it's also handy to remember that men tend to walk with their shoulders while women tend to walk with their hips, so standing up straight and keeping your center of gravity on your shoulders could help.

i can't think of anything more off the top of my head, but if you have any questions or something i'd be happy to try to help.

@gemstoneblue I feel for you, I have a family member who was in your position. @godheadharley has excellent advice, especially regarding being prepared for a worst case scenario. Another thing I might add is to make sure you know where your personal ID info is kept (birth certificate, SS card, etc), and if possible, make copies for yourself and hide them WELL, you don't want to lose those! I hope your situation doesn't deteriorate to that point, but personal IDs are one thing that is frequently held hostage when family situations turn bad.

As far as clothing goes, how about button-down shirts? They're not everyone's thing but when worn certain ways they can 'straighten' out your appearance, as in not having feminine curves showing so easily. Less form-fitting jeans are also helpful for this, if you are in a family that allows female-bodied people to wear pants.

Cut your hair off! Say you wanted to avoid being hot in the summer. Once it's short what are they gonna do? They can't glue it back on :P haha no but honestly I don't know your situation so you may not be able to do that just yet. If you feel like you can though then go for it

I notice that no one has mentioned voice as of yet. There are ways to train one's voice to sound more masculine, or at the very least less feminine, without hormones. It largely has to do with speaking in the right tone--do not force yourself into the lowest possible pitch, as that will damage your vocal chords. There are supposedly safe exercises to naturally lengthen one's vocal chords and deepen one's voice, but I have not delved into them yet.

In any case. A feminine voice is very sing-songy, while a masculine voice is more monotone. Female voices tend to emphasize and inflect using pitch, while male voices tend to inflect using volume. Female voices also frequently lilt up at the end of sentences, as if asking a question? and often, as sexist as it may sound, sound less "certain" and "authoritative" than male voices in tone.

Thus, for a masculine voice, you will need to learn to speak with volume, from your chest, and to control your tone so it does not lilt. That is as important as having a deep voice. Remember also that it may not take as much to pass, voice-wise, as you may fear--even cis male voices come in a wide range of pitches.