Items For Sale

12690

October 01, 2014 08:24:26

@prologi I can already see that I'll be returning some money, lol--your lair is beautifully organized already!

- I'd move Alnilam and Atik to the left of Asterope, and Acamar and Achernar to the right of Merope, possibly switching their order so the two coatls segue from the dark blue into the seafoam more nicely.
- Adhil and her mate would probably fit in better next to Deneb and Flounce.
- Nihal & Astrolabe would fit in pretty well to the left of Sirrah.
- Izar, Aridif and Dana should be around Adhara.
- Solidarite might fit in well near Sarir.
- Egalite and Glitch would work near Squiggle.

Returning 10k now. c:

@Cacogen Hey there! n_n Just to clarify, you want the bios of your dragons to be critiqued?

Acantha

12690

October 01, 2014 08:31:39

@Cacogen Hey there! n_n Just to clarify, you want the bios of your dragons to be critiqued?

@Acantha

Yup! That would be 10kt, correct?

Cacogen

44

172

2978

October 01, 2014 08:59:39

@Acantha

Yup! That would be 10kt, correct?

@Cacogen Unless there's cumulatively a lot of writing, probably, yes. c: Taking a look now!

Acantha

12690

October 01, 2014 14:47:33

@Cacogen Unless there's cumulatively a lot of writing, probably, yes. c: Taking a look now!

@Cacogen Looking at Chamomile first.

Quote:

She manages to keep the team together with her confidence and perseverance.

The confidence bit seems quite at odds with her supposed low self-esteem; perhaps rephrase this so they seem more in sync?

Quote:

though she's somewhat hesitant to accept it. She has proven herself worthy

Would rephrase to "and although she's somewhat hesitant to accept it, she has proven herself worthy".

Quote:

and you'd fine the sweet, soft core

find*

Carcanet next:

Quote:

She's avoids wild flights of fantasy

She*

Quote:

She's also quite materialistic and would hoard various objects

Quote:

As such, Carcanet would show

Carnage:

Quote:

If you didn't get the message, Carnage is a destructive Skydancer.

Definitely unnecessary given the first paragraph.

Cirrus:

Quote:

Even under that sassy attitude of her's

hers*

Cyclone:

The light blue quote text is a bit hard to read, I suggest darkening it.

Quote:

Although there's quite few of them, there are some members of the clan who harbor a crush on our mysterious Spiral!

That first phrase seems redundant, unless I'm missing the meaning?

Aaaand I think I got all the ones that I thought needed comments. c:
The word "would" doesn't make sense in these sentences, I would remove it and add a plural to the verbs.

Acantha

12690

October 01, 2014 20:26:16

@Cacogen Looking at Chamomile first.

Quote:

She manages to keep the team together with her confidence and perseverance.

The confidence bit seems quite at odds with her supposed low self-esteem; perhaps rephrase this so they seem more in sync?

Quote:

though she's somewhat hesitant to accept it. She has proven herself worthy

Would rephrase to "and although she's somewhat hesitant to accept it, she has proven herself worthy".

Quote:

and you'd fine the sweet, soft core

find*

Carcanet next:

Quote:

She's avoids wild flights of fantasy

She*

Quote:

She's also quite materialistic and would hoard various objects

Quote:

As such, Carcanet would show

Carnage:

Quote:

If you didn't get the message, Carnage is a destructive Skydancer.

Definitely unnecessary given the first paragraph.

Cirrus:

Quote:

Even under that sassy attitude of her's

hers*

Cyclone:

The light blue quote text is a bit hard to read, I suggest darkening it.

Quote:

Although there's quite few of them, there are some members of the clan who harbor a crush on our mysterious Spiral!

That first phrase seems redundant, unless I'm missing the meaning?

Aaaand I think I got all the ones that I thought needed comments. c:
The word "would" doesn't make sense in these sentences, I would remove it and add a plural to the verbs.

@Acantha

Page to be critiqued: The first three pages of my lair
Review Type: Lair Review
Notes: I would like an opinion on the arrangement of my pairs and pair-less dragons. The first row of dragons on each pair are males and their mates are directly below them. For example, Weinrich is the very first dragon in my lair and his mate, Roxanne, is below him. The third row on each page are mostly pair-less except for Gunther, Halcyon, Centralia, and Baku. This sounds weird but I also want an opinion on the arrangement of my colors, especially the third page. I want each page to feel like there are a variety of colors. I won't mind if this means I'll have to change the way I arrange my pairs.
Have you sent payment?: Not yet. But I will send it after I get a confirmation.

Antivulano

19

2691

October 06, 2014 06:28:54

@Acantha

Page to be critiqued: The first three pages of my lair
Review Type: Lair Review
Notes: I would like an opinion on the arrangement of my pairs and pair-less dragons. The first row of dragons on each pair are males and their mates are directly below them. For example, Weinrich is the very first dragon in my lair and his mate, Roxanne, is below him. The third row on each page are mostly pair-less except for Gunther, Halcyon, Centralia, and Baku. This sounds weird but I also want an opinion on the arrangement of my colors, especially the third page. I want each page to feel like there are a variety of colors. I won't mind if this means I'll have to change the way I arrange my pairs.
Have you sent payment?: Not yet. But I will send it after I get a confirmation.

Last edited on Oct 06, 2014 07:04:57 by Antivulano

[center][quote=Form] @Acantha Page to be critiqued: [url=http://flightrising.com/main.php?p=lair&tab=userpage&id=8294]Everything you need is here[/url] Review Type: Full review. Notes: I want you to read my dragon bios and tell me what could be improved :) The dragons with bios are listed on my clan profile page, which is linked. Have you sent payment?: I'm about to. [/quote] [/center]

5ive

519

614

888

4786

October 06, 2014 09:03:15

Form wrote:

@Acantha
Page to be critiqued: Everything you need is here
Review Type: Full review.
Notes: I want you to read my dragon bios and tell me what could be improved :) The dragons with bios are listed on my clan profile page, which is linked.
Have you sent payment?: I'm about to.

Last edited on Oct 06, 2014 09:03:39 by 5ive

@Antivulano Sure, I can do that. =)

Acantha

12690

October 06, 2014 14:10:09

@Antivulano Sure, I can do that. =)

@Acantha
Sending payment. Thank you so much. :D

Antivulano

19

2691

October 06, 2014 14:13:28

@Acantha
Sending payment. Thank you so much. :D

@Pisces

Fairyfloss/Candyfloss

Quote:

are dragon-shaped balls of sugar

Being nitpicky here, but if they're dragon-shaped then they're not really balls of sugar. x)

Quote:

who blessed them with the ability to enter water

Perhaps you should explain first that they were unable to enter water?

Fairytale:

Quote:

While they were out she tried to find out more about him, and by the time the emissaries came back reporting no clans around were his, she had learned that he believed himself to be a mighty king in a floating, glittering pink castle resting on a pale green cloud.

This is pretty wordy, would probably be a smoother read in 2-3 sentences, with a little more detail on how she tried to find out more about him, and how the conversation went, especially if he were catatonic.

Aurita:

Quote:

suctions himself to the gound around her

ground*

I'd also like to hear more about the relationship between her and her familiar, and whether she is a unique organism.

Beauty:

Quote:

It is called 'The Rend'.&amp;quot;

Guessing all that gibberish is not intentional?

Applescab's story is grossssss but really cool and fitting. xD

Some very nice stories you have. c:

Acantha