General Discussion

There is somewhat of a double standard regarding domestic violence. Most people are in perfect agreement that a man should never hit his female partner or children, for any reason, ever, and that if he does he should be locked up and banned from ever seeing them again.

But turn the tables around? A woman abusing her male partner? Suddenly it's funny (Source video, may only be viewable in the UK). In fact, it's been revealed that in the UK, male victims of domestic abuse are often the ones that get arrested. (I would link the associated reddit thread which has more anecdotal accounts of this happening, but British subreddits tend to over the T rating pretty fast.) An experiment performed on a London street by the Mankind Initiative* showed that when an argument between a man and a woman gets physical, people will intervene if the aggressor is the male, but will simply ignore it or find it amusing if it's the woman.

This is wrong, and it should be changed. But what can we do? What can our generation and the next do to make sure that domestic violence victims aren't treated according to their gender?

*Video is on youtube, I've not linked it because of Irish potty mouths.

@Ansela I agree that it's absolutely disgusting. I have a male friend who was assaulted, emotionally, physically, and sexually, by his then-girlfriend. But he felt that there was no one to turn to and that no one would believe him, or that he would be teased and therefore put through even more trauma (this was in highschool). Eventually he managed to get away from her, but he still hasn't gotten professional help because he's so ashamed of what happened.

I'm a little worried that this thread might get out of hand. This is something that we should be able to talk about, so hopefully everyone can remain civil and respectful.

my boyfriend's ex physically and emotionally abused him and he's got ptsd from it - it's pretty sad how no one ever takes the situation seriously when it's a male victim :/

if a woman abuses a man, the man should be able to knock her teeth out. same goes for the opposite. etc.

Here's the reason why this happens, and it all boils down to misogyny.

People believe it's not possible, or shameful, for a man to be abused by a woman because women are lesser/weaker/etc. and men are better/stronger/etc. and therefore they should be able to "fight off" their attacker, even if doing so would put them in physical danger or legal trouble. Same goes with male r-pe; men should be strong enough to fight off their attacker.

It's a terrible double standard, but we treat all survivors of abuse like crap. We need to start treating survivors better, period.

@Ansela

My male friend was abused by his ex for two years but kept refusing to report it because he did not want to initiate a separation that would prevent him from seeing his infant daughter. He also refused to retaliate as he is in the military and is physically much stronger than her. Only now has it gotten bad enough for him to come forth. I will be involved in police inquiries as at the time, I managed to photograph the bruises on my phone. He had me photograph them with his phone too, but his ex smashed that phone.

I think we can begin by taking male domestic abuse victims seriously and not invalidate or joke about their plight. If encouraging them to come forward doesn't help, then the least we can do is add legal weight to their claims by staying in touch with them and supporting them.

@luckgandor

I think it's a major oversimplification to only look at one half of the problem. Sexism is a two-sided coin.

Women are expected to do certain types of jobs, men are expected to do certain types of jobs. Women experience resistance when they work as e.g. a car mechanic, which is misogyny. Men experience resistance when they work as e.g. a nurse, which is.... Also misogyny?

Can we just make all the violence stop instead of figuring out how to treat each gender?

And I get it. I know it happens, and can't always be helped right off the bat. But talking about how to stop the violence seems like a more direct approach that everyone seems to be putting on the sideline. (Haven't read it in this thread either) And I honestly just think that everyone should be taught at a young age that physical/mental abuse should never be tolerated. Not even once.

Please no hate or yelling at me. It just how I think.