So my mom came to visit me for a little bit today and after talking for a bit the conversation turned to finals which are just starting for me. I told her that because of studying I'd been forgetting to do some minor bits of my daily routine, such as closing the curtains before I go to bed or washing my face. Upon hearing this she goes into a tangent/rant about hygeene and before I know it she's accusing me of being dirty and saying that people don't like to have sex with dirty people. Now lately I've been questioning whether or not I'm asexual, but I'm not 100% sure so I'm not ready to talk to her about it yet, so I just told her I'm definitely not dirty, I've just been forgetting a few things because my head's so full, and that I really don't see myself participating in sexual activities any time soon.
So what does she do next? She starts attacking my relationship with my boyfriend. She asked me, "So is he your boyfriend, or is he just your best friend?" And so I told her he's definately my boyfriend and that people do not have to have sex to be a couple. Her response: "Well yeah, for now, but what about later in life?" I repeated myself, and she finally backed off. She left shortly after.
Unfortunately this kind of thing keeps happening with her. I love my mom, but I don't like talking about serious stuff with her because she always finds a way to complain about my life or my boyfriend or both. I'm just so sick and tired of her not respecting that I actually am a responsible adult who knows how to take care of herself, even when I seems to be falling apart -.-
To conclude, ARRGGHGHGGHHH
Thank you for listening.
So my mom came to visit me for a little bit today and after talking for a bit the conversation turned to finals which are just starting for me. I told her that because of studying I'd been forgetting to do some minor bits of my daily routine, such as closing the curtains before I go to bed or washing my face. Upon hearing this she goes into a tangent/rant about hygeene and before I know it she's accusing me of being dirty and saying that people don't like to have sex with dirty people. Now lately I've been questioning whether or not I'm asexual, but I'm not 100% sure so I'm not ready to talk to her about it yet, so I just told her I'm definitely not dirty, I've just been forgetting a few things because my head's so full, and that I really don't see myself participating in sexual activities any time soon.
So what does she do next? She starts attacking my relationship with my boyfriend. She asked me, "So is he your boyfriend, or is he just your best friend?" And so I told her he's definately my boyfriend and that people do not have to have sex to be a couple. Her response: "Well yeah, for now, but what about later in life?" I repeated myself, and she finally backed off. She left shortly after.
Unfortunately this kind of thing keeps happening with her. I love my mom, but I don't like talking about serious stuff with her because she always finds a way to complain about my life or my boyfriend or both. I'm just so sick and tired of her not respecting that I actually am a responsible adult who knows how to take care of herself, even when I seems to be falling apart -.-
To conclude, ARRGGHGHGGHHH
Thank you for listening.
@
Ivy25bb
Wow, gross. I'm sorry you're mom is being so disrespectful. I'm ace and it flies completely over my mom's head, who also routinely shames me for me body and lifestyle choices. I moved several hundred miles away from her for just this reason. Perhaps, your mom is not as bad as mine, but I still feel for you. I hope the ranting helped
@
Ivy25bb
Wow, gross. I'm sorry you're mom is being so disrespectful. I'm ace and it flies completely over my mom's head, who also routinely shames me for me body and lifestyle choices. I moved several hundred miles away from her for just this reason. Perhaps, your mom is not as bad as mine, but I still feel for you. I hope the ranting helped
@
tinybalrog
Ranting does help a little, thank you. Normally I don't mind just ignoring her, especially if I know she's in a bad mood for some other reason, or if she's sick. But this week, being so close to the end of the semester, I'm already so stressed about so many things and I don't need to add her to the list
@
tinybalrog
Ranting does help a little, thank you. Normally I don't mind just ignoring her, especially if I know she's in a bad mood for some other reason, or if she's sick. But this week, being so close to the end of the semester, I'm already so stressed about so many things and I don't need to add her to the list
@
Ivy25bb
Oh my goodness WHAT?? your mom sounds insane. I mean, this is a stressful time for everyone because of finals, and she doesn't need to add to that!!
On top of that.... The sex comment? Just... .wat. does she WANT you to have sex right now? Uhh what? I know my parents would murder me if that was something I was doing (I'm ace so that won't happen) but like... wow. What. I just. Wow.
//pats you
It'll be OK. You can do this.
@
Ivy25bb
Oh my goodness WHAT?? your mom sounds insane. I mean, this is a stressful time for everyone because of finals, and she doesn't need to add to that!!
On top of that.... The sex comment? Just... .wat. does she WANT you to have sex right now? Uhh what? I know my parents would murder me if that was something I was doing (I'm ace so that won't happen) but like... wow. What. I just. Wow.
//pats you
It'll be OK. You can do this.
@
noodlemangos
Thank you for your support. She's really not as crazy as I make her sound, but she is a very uptight person. But the sex comment really did catch me off guard tonight, especially since she knows that at this point in my life I have zero interest in such things. And I'm appalled at what she said about my boyfriend and just...everything. I wish I could talk to her about how I feel, but I know from experience it will hardly have any effect -.-
@
noodlemangos
Thank you for your support. She's really not as crazy as I make her sound, but she is a very uptight person. But the sex comment really did catch me off guard tonight, especially since she knows that at this point in my life I have zero interest in such things. And I'm appalled at what she said about my boyfriend and just...everything. I wish I could talk to her about how I feel, but I know from experience it will hardly have any effect -.-
Time to throw you mom outside in the snow!
Kidding aside wow what a... unpleasant person. Even my dad which I consider basically a sperm donor more than a parent isn't that garbage. I'm not ace but I'm aro so even if I do feel sexual attraction its too complicated to get anything going with anyone since I can't love them in the way. Therefore I don't really bother. I'm nearly 30 and I still don't have that much of a need to frick anyone. There are certainly many good reasons to have good hygiene but "so you can get some sexy times" is pretty darn low. I think your mom has rather awful priorities.
Time to throw you mom outside in the snow!
Kidding aside wow what a... unpleasant person. Even my dad which I consider basically a sperm donor more than a parent isn't that garbage. I'm not ace but I'm aro so even if I do feel sexual attraction its too complicated to get anything going with anyone since I can't love them in the way. Therefore I don't really bother. I'm nearly 30 and I still don't have that much of a need to frick anyone. There are certainly many good reasons to have good hygiene but "so you can get some sexy times" is pretty darn low. I think your mom has rather awful priorities.
I don't even know what to say without completely mouthing off and sounding like a butt-head.. but seriously, she's going to get upset about you -not- having sex? I don't even.
When I was 20-23 my mom stopped telling me she loved me and crap because I was having sex (with the same guy.. who I have been dating exclusively since I was 16... and who I am getting married to in May). I don't even understand parents.
Maybe she thinks you have to "keep" your partner by putting out? The thing is though.. if that's so, it's not much of a catch...
I wish I could tell you try not to think about it or try to not let it bother you.. but that won't work. You know what you do? If you can, get some cuddles from the boyfriend or get on Skype if LDR and tell him. Try and get some comfort from your partner. Sometimes the stuff that works best is a hug or an "i love you" (if you're that far along, I don't know). Some people will just never understand.
I don't even know what to say without completely mouthing off and sounding like a butt-head.. but seriously, she's going to get upset about you -not- having sex? I don't even.
When I was 20-23 my mom stopped telling me she loved me and crap because I was having sex (with the same guy.. who I have been dating exclusively since I was 16... and who I am getting married to in May). I don't even understand parents.
Maybe she thinks you have to "keep" your partner by putting out? The thing is though.. if that's so, it's not much of a catch...
I wish I could tell you try not to think about it or try to not let it bother you.. but that won't work. You know what you do? If you can, get some cuddles from the boyfriend or get on Skype if LDR and tell him. Try and get some comfort from your partner. Sometimes the stuff that works best is a hug or an "i love you" (if you're that far along, I don't know). Some people will just never understand.
@
Ivy25bb
Wow...OK, maybe your mum was kind of angry at something else and felt stressed or something, but that comment about sex was completely unnecessary.
I don't want to rage at your mother or anything, but like @ TheMoonCrazed said, she's angry at you
not having sex? That's more than a little OTT. True, you should probably keep up with hygiene, but that's not your fault if you're under a lot of pressure. But sex and hygiene are in no way related unless you actually plan to, well, have sex.
I think you should wait for her to calm down a little, wait for a good time, then try to explain that you might be asexual. If you're certain, that is. I have a feeling I might be asexual as well, although technically I shouldn't be feeling any sexual attraction towards someone in the first place since I'm pretty young.
Anyway, I think you should just try to keep your head and not make ot worse, even if it's difficult. Like I said before, your mum shouldn't have said that stuff, and I have no trouble understanding why you feel upset. If it happens again, maybe try to explain to her that it makes you feel uncomfortable?
I can't really be of more help, but I hope things get better for you.
@
Ivy25bb
Wow...OK, maybe your mum was kind of angry at something else and felt stressed or something, but that comment about sex was completely unnecessary.
I don't want to rage at your mother or anything, but like @ TheMoonCrazed said, she's angry at you
not having sex? That's more than a little OTT. True, you should probably keep up with hygiene, but that's not your fault if you're under a lot of pressure. But sex and hygiene are in no way related unless you actually plan to, well, have sex.
I think you should wait for her to calm down a little, wait for a good time, then try to explain that you might be asexual. If you're certain, that is. I have a feeling I might be asexual as well, although technically I shouldn't be feeling any sexual attraction towards someone in the first place since I'm pretty young.
Anyway, I think you should just try to keep your head and not make ot worse, even if it's difficult. Like I said before, your mum shouldn't have said that stuff, and I have no trouble understanding why you feel upset. If it happens again, maybe try to explain to her that it makes you feel uncomfortable?
I can't really be of more help, but I hope things get better for you.
