General Discussion

Sorry if this isn't the correct place to put this but I just wanted to give an extra shout out to everyone who messaged me. I was not in a good place last night and all of your kind words made my day. If you could have seen me, I had a stupid goofy smile on my face. You are all amazing and I hope that every single one of you have something amazingly awesome happen to you!
Thank you all so much!

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(@Sapphire89 Sending Hugs and Good Wishes your way! Hospital Visits are scary. I hope he'll be okay!)

@ButterflyFallacy
You deserve the best, again happy late birthday.

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@Sapphire89
Hugs, hope he gets better , i never had a chance to meet any of my grandpas, my grandma died last month, i know what your feeling :(

@ButterflyFallacy

Happy late birthday! I can't believe that your parents would forget about your birthday.

I've been having one big bad day ever since school started 3 weeks ago. Something about me is that, although I love learning more than anything else, I just cannot handle school. I can't take the stress and pressure and homework and organization and my dreadful depression/anxiety/ADHD combo is not making things any better. I'm a junior in high school whose predominant goal in life is to be a biologist, but how the f*ck can I do that when I can't even keep A's for a few weeks? My life is getting better yet going to absolute hell at the same time and I just don't know what do do anymore. Every day I feel more hopeless and more terrified that I may relapse back to being suicidal. I have almost zero support from my parents (at least my mom tries a little) and a relationship with my father that borders on emotionally abusive. I've been keeping more secrets and telling more lies than I ever have before, and it's killing me, but I don't know what to tell anyone anymore. All I seem to be able to do properly is cry...

(ok that was long I'm cutting this here)

Whiiiiiiiiine! I've been whining to people over the past day but omg. Mouth mangled/gums torn up by the dentist. Now my bite feels weird because the points where my teeth meet are off and its so weird. It took 11 hours for the numbing to wear off, I missed a couple hours of work, and had a lisp at work all day because numb. I just wanted to curl up in a corner with some pudding and whine all day. I finally got my pudding because a co-worker gave me a couple dollars for it. And then I gave a light sprite to a friend as collat for her to lend me $20 because I spent too much on the dentist (he gave me a discount if I got all the fillings done).

If that wasn't enough my union voted to strike and I have no savings. My account will be a couple dollars negative (but I won't be charged a fee unless it's -5 or worse). AND electricity is a few months behind and I'll have to overdraft my account to avoid the disconnect notice I know is coming. Normally I could deal with this. Normally it would be fine. But a strike...I'd have to walk. I voted for it because my job would be on the line anyway with the new contract. My friend/co-worker is the shop stewart and my other work friends are the other union stewards.

I'm boned. I can't deal with this. Haha even the snake I got from a friend died last week and I can't bring myself to tell her. I'm supposed to be on medication but I can't afford the doctor or the meds. What is the money wasted on? Food. Not expensive food either. I can barely afford to shop at the grocery store I work at.

At least I have some friends on the internet, some videos on youtube (Markiplier) to watch, and a fun petsite to keep me distracted. You guys are awesome.

I don't need anything (I donated!) and just wanted to whine some more. Whine, whine, whine.

I have Hands, Feet, and Mouth disease, which isn't necessarily bad, but it's really annoying and highly contagious and it has been for the last few days when I didn't know about it. So I have to keep socks on my hands and stay in my room until it goes away. This must be what Elsa felt like in Frozen.

(First off, I just want to thank the people who replied to me last time, and apologize for not getting back sooner. I'm... not really better off, emotionally? But at least I'm not feeling so unstable... Thank you all...)

Well, I got out of the homeless shelter. I had to literally beg to get the money to manage that, and it only got me two month's worth of rent, but still. It got me out of that hellish pseudo-prison.

I'd like to say that I'm in a better mental place now, now that I'm away from there, but... I'm not. Being there, essentially being emotionally, psychologically and spiritually tortured and abused for so long has horribly, and maybe irreparably, messed me up. Just... even the possibility of going back there makes me panic.

And of course all I can do is tell people that the shelter isn't what their public face implies. But I'm only one person with no money or influence, and the people who run this place are wealthy and socially powerful in town and...

Well, let's just say that this isn't some David vs Goliath story. It's not going to end with the hopelessly outmatched underdog heroically slaying the villainous titan, no matter how much I wish it would...

On top of everything, I had five vials of blood drawn during my first doctor's visit in years, because I'm sick and they're trying to determine what's wrong.

The panels all came back "normal." So now, not only am I sick, nobody knows what's making me ill. Which means more tests, more needles, a trip to the ob-gyn to see if I have cysts on my ovaries...

I still owe my landlord my $100 deposit, and he evades me every time I ask if I can maybe work it off like other people around here have, and do.

And. And... I need to replace my computer, because the laptop I currently own has been acting bizarre these past few days and I'm afraid that it's on its way out... but I don't have $300 to drop on a new machine, or any feasible way to get that much money right now.

At least I finally have job offers. Now that that place no longer has to be my address, employers are actually taking me seriously now. Which is kind of really suspicious when you stop to think about it. But I'm pretty sure that I already pointed out why they all almost immediately discard shelter residents as potential employees...

It's just waiting for one of those offers to actually pull through, now...

I'm sick and tired and busy, I've got exams and art to do, and I'm just overall feeling kind of down.