2019
Alright I have some time to do mine now. 3rd year in a row and WOW things have changed, for better and for worse. Gosh I didn't mean for this to get so long but here we are o-o

Rose

• I got very good grades in all of my classes in my first year of university. The winter semester, which was in 2019, my grades were all A- which is really awesome.
• The jazz band I was a part of won the award for top community jazz band!!
• I got a summer job from someone in my high school band's mom lmao, she specifically wanted me to file her paperwork so my job is now being in her house for ~5 hours sorting invoices with two cats and a dog to keep me company. It's a great gig!!
• This summer was pretty fun, I got to hang out with friends and do things I liked to do, like go to my city's annual fair for many more days than I ever had before. I also went camping for a couple of weeks with my family!
• I went to field school at the end of August as a required course for my major, which is geography. It was a class that consisted of other geography majors, and I made some amazing friends despite not knowing anyone going in. It was a lot of work, but it was so fun and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. We were at a camp deep in the mountains with no service and a little stream fed lake. It was beautiful.
• I got to join a community band for people ages 18-30. I'm a band nerd through and through, even though I'm not in high school anymore I'll always be in some kind of band, even if I'm not doing music professionally. This particular band is being directed by my high school band teacher who is one of my favorite people in the world, and it's been a blast!
• I decided to sit with some cool looking people in my anthropology class in the fall semester who I recognized as being members of one of my city's marching bands. My sister is in that band so I figured why not get to know them. Good thing I did, as I met so many great people and have had some amazing experiences with them.

Thorn

• One of my close friends confided in me that he was suicidal, but he did it in a way that made me very anxious. I'm not good with that kind of thing, and I felt like he was using me as a way to put all of his hardships onto me, and it was killing me. Like he was using me as an excuse to not.. you know. Even though I decided to hang out with him still, and I kept giving him chances, he kept being weird and almost using me to fix his mental state at the detriment of mine. I eventually talked with enough people about it and I ended up cutting him off. All of this is very detailed and I can't explain it sufficiently here since it would take forever and make a massive wall of text. Cutting him off took a huge weight off of my shoulders, but also made me feel awful.
• Because of joining the aforementioned community band, I couldn't continue doing jazz since their rehearsals are both on Thursdays from 7-9. I definitely made the right choice in doing the concert band, but I miss the alto sax a lot.
• I didn't get section leader this year in my university's symphonic band. I had it last year as a first year, and now as a second year, a first year got it over me. This particular first year is my former best friend. This event, him getting section leader over me, was the first event that made us stop being friends.
• So yeah. Me and my best friend "broke up" as friends. There was a LOT of drama around that, and it made me very upset since I was 100% certain I had found someone I truly could connect to and wouldn't leave me. I was wrong. Turns out he cares more about being section leader and getting attention from those who are above him (directors, other older music students, etc.) than he did about our friendship. I regret calling him my best friend. This is the same guy I mentioned in my two previous rose/bud/thorn things, first as a thorn, then a rose, and back to a thorn; the biggest of the year. He destroyed me.
• My fish has fin rot and it won't fliPPNG go away. It started to heal, then randomly got worse again. Idk how to fix it and it's infuriating; I spent 7 months cycling his tank and now all I have to show for it is a fish who can't get better.
• A bit of a rough go with some anxiety for the past month ish or so. I'm dealing with it better than I had in previous years but like. ew. I hate it.

Bud

• I asked my director if I could be a part of the university's wind ensemble (band for music majors, which I am not) for the winter semester and he said he'd likely take me up on that. If he does, I'll be one of 4 clarinets in the ensemble with one of my new friends, which would be amazing!!
• Hopefully I'll get to do more fun stuff with my friends?? That would be amazing!
• I have recently started being more... creative, I guess is the word. I'm working on my first ever fursuit head which I honestly love doing, sewing and crafting has always been a passion of mine and I plan on continuing crafting well into the next decade. Maybe I could even make a career out of it???
• As always, I am looking forwards to the summer and the long warm days it brings. I know next semester will be hard, but I will get through it. I will persevere. And I will survive.

Future me, I just wanted to say, you're stronger than you know. Don't let other people bring you down, and don't let your doubts and anxieties run your life. Let life happen, accept it. Don't worry so much. Be passionate, be bright, and shine your own way. Don't compare yourself to others so much (trust me, you know who I'm talking about here) and just be you. Do what makes you happy. Don't dwell on the past; learn from it and move on. Cherish those you care about while you can, as you never know how long you have with anyone. And, keep doing music!!!

2020
Now that it's closer to the end of the year I figured I'd post mine! Prepare yourselves, this is gonna be LONG.

Rose

• On the very first day of 2020, my bearded dragon emerged from his three month brumation! It was very nice to see him awake and silly as ever once more.
• I got an email from my director asking me if I would like to join the wind ensemble for the winter semester, and I accepted with great enthusiasm! I mentioned this on my 2019 response, and it actually ended up happening! I loved every minute of it even if it was cut short by covid.
• I finally went to a game night at my clarinet friend (we'll call him S)'s house! We did two in the new year, one on his birthday and one later in February after our band festival performance.
• I got to go on tour again!! The wind ensemble went to Penticton for the Okanagan Concert Band Festival, and we were the feature performance! We were there for three days and it was loads of fun. I got to hang out with my other clarinet friend and it was super super fun. Tiring, and a long bus ride, but that's the best part of a band tour! being exhausted because you had an intense performance is so rewarding to me.
• That's about everything that happened pre-covid. Afterwards, I did many walks while it was still snowy, and when the ice melted, I went on SO MANY bike rides.
• The game night clarinet friend I mentioned above, S, started having digital game nights! The first one was on google meet, and it was just me and him. It was awkward but fun. After that I convinced him to make a Discord server and we added a bunch of people, and eventually had a good number of people doing game nights every week!
• My sister made a Minecraft server for her and her friends, but I joined it with my friends too. It was ICONIC and we all had an amazing time, eventually beating the ender dragon!
• I started playing Apex Legends with S in May! I still play it with him now and it's a great time. KDR went from 0.3 to 0.6 YEET
• I eventually went on a walk IN PERSON with S! After that we planned to go plane watching the next week, which we did. I brought my binoculars and it was SUCH a good time.
• I had a birthday party! Corona cases got much lower by June 18th, so I was able to have 3 friends over (S included) for a campfire. We went on a late night playground adventure, roasted marshmallows, and had an overall epic time.
• I got to go camping more than usual this summer since my sister's marching band tours weren't able to happen, so my family could be together. That was great!
• July 23rd came around, and my life changed. S and I started dating! I originally believed I was aro/ace but it turns out NOPE I was just repressing emotions so now I have myself a lovely boyfriend, and I could really see myself with him for the rest of my life. Aah.
• I GOT A NEW CAR! A blue scion IM! It's freaking SNAZZY and I LOVE IT
• I finally went river kayaking with my bf and my dad!
• I got to do two outdoor concerts with a local community band, and each of them were iconic. It was purely magical to play in an ensemble again! I had also never played outside for a performance so it was an epic experience.
• I got my hair properly cut and now wear it down pretty often which I am so happy about. No more restraining it with a ponytail 24/7.
• I got into wind ensemble again! Auditions suck but I did it! Even though it was all over zoom, it was still nice. I miss band.
• I went camping with my bf and the same friends I did my birthday party with! I got to swim in a lake and it was soooooo awesome!!
• The same four of us started a DnD campaign with my parents, and had two sessions!
• I did several hikes/walks/bike rides with my bf in the mountains and in the city! I even climbed a whole mountain which in total was about 20km. I was so dead after that I couldn't even drive home and stayed at my boyfriend's house for two nights in a row.

Thorn

• I was still fairly anxious/depressed/lonely at the very start of 2020. I felt like I had nobody.
• My stats class was TERRIBLE and caused me physical pain but at least I got it over with
• March 13th. Covid. Everything got shut down. No more band, no more uni, no more friends, no more normal life. Loneliness. Fear. It was a bad time.
• My lizard was being VERY annoying after waking up, and would often be SO LOUD running around his cave while I was doing lectures online.
• ONLINE UNIVERSITY IS THE WORST THING TO EXIST, UGH
• No annual fair this year. It was kinda sad to not be able to go to that with my friends. It's usually a highlight of the summer.
• I had a really bad existential crisis when my boyfriend and I started dating because of several reasons, so even though it was worth it in the end at the time it was TERRIFYING. I thought I would lose him I took it so weirdly.
• I hid us dating from most people for about 3 months. I was scared as I mentioned above lmao
• Even though I got a new car, I was very sad to see my good old Nissan Versa drive away for the last time ever :( It was good to me.
• My betta fish, Mars, died on August 17th. He was two years old. It was a sad day.
• While the summer was good and covid was staying away, it came back full force in the fall and forced several restrictions that have made it so I haven't been able to stay at my boyfriend's place or even go there for dinner, same with him coming here. It's been really tough. Christmas can't even happen like we planned it. The winter and fall have just been terrible for covid cases here. Ugh. I want it to be over. It's been very easy for my mental health to slip and vanish, especially not being able to see my bf and just sit together. Walks are fine I guess, but I like cuddles :(

Bud

• As I mentioned above, my boyfriend is moving out of his parent's house to his own rental place! It's such a charming little house and I am helping him buy things for it. When he moves out, I will be able to visit him since he lives alone and restrictions say you can have two close contacts :)
• The vaccine. Oooh. I am HOPING. HOPING it will fix all of this trash. I long for the day that I will be able to take transit to university, see my friends, sit in a lecture hall and laugh without a fear. I long for the day I can rehearse and perform again. To when I can sit among my friends and mess around while we wait for the director to take the stage. To walk onto the stage under the bright lights, a whole audience watching, anticipating the music we're about to create. I want that feeling again.
• The summer should be fun again, since corona is a lot less prevalent when school's out. Camping, hikes, bike rides, nights around a campfire, stargazing. Not worrying.
• I hate masks so much and I long for the day that I can stop seeing them everywhere ugh
• Really I am just looking forwards to all of the fun things that I will do with my boyfriend. We have so many little plans for when this is all over (watching shows and movies, board games, playing Pokémon together while snuggled up in bed...), and I can't wait.

That's probably my longest post to date wow. These are mostly for me to look back at anyways so it's fine I guess, the more the merrier. I also kinda have a tradition of leaving a message for myself, so here goes nothing. Hi, me from the future. I hope you're doing well. I hope corona has backed off, and that things are like normal again. How was your first rehearsal? First concert? I hope S has settled well into his home, and I hope you've made more memories with him! Always remember you are worthy of love, of hope, of smiling, of good times. Good friends, good company, and things you're looking forwards to will keep you going when things get tough. The future is calling, you don't have to feel brave, your fortune is constant, but your sight tends to sway. The future is calling while you think it over. Also, keep doing music ;)

2021
Alright, here is mine. Much like last year, this is a CHUNKY one!

Rose

• This year started with an online get-together of my boyfriend and my friends - we had a really great time!
• My boyfriend moved into his new house, which meant I got to go to his place due to the covid rules allowing it. We had lots of sleep overs and days in at his place, and I slowly got used to it. We went out together to get his new furniture, which was a hilarious adventure.
• I started playing Squad with him a lot more. We stopped playing Apex due to it being really toxic and it made us upset so it was good we moved to a game with a better community even though it took me a LONG time to learn it.
• Walks, walks and more walks! Lots of good quality time with my bf in the cold.
• Firepit parties with friends!
• I started eating better and sleeping better at the start of the year.
• Went on a skating trip to the mountains with my bf for his birthday in February! It was SO MUCH FUN! Also ate at a restaurant for the first time since covid started.
• I made a new friend through Squad - Rez. He was a chill dude to hang out with!
• Started playing Valheim with my friends when it came out!
• Watched Karate Kid for the first time, fell in love with it!
• Got my first commission for art with real money! For someone on Squad :)
• Made a lot of cakes with my boyfriend, each one got better and better!
• Got double vaccinated with Moderna
• Started a job at a local amusement park on a sternwheeler replica they run on the city's reservoir, which was such a trip! It went from May to September and had a lot of highs and lows. I learned a lot about myself and my capabilities. Most of all I got a very fun job to do out in the sun for the summer, and was making money. The funny uniform was worth it lol.
• I nursed my 5/6 year old cactus back to health with help from people from Squad lol
• I got recruited into the clan that runs the Squad server I play on. I then was promoted to full member/admin, along with my boyfriend! It is an incredible community. I am one of 4 girls in the clan.
• Had a good time at my boyfriend's parent's place for my birthday!
• Played Cities: Skylines all summer, was absolutely addicted!
  [Small hikes with my boyfriend and his family in the local Rockies
• Got to see a LAV, TAPV, and Leopard Tank in person at my city's annual fair this year which actually happened this year!
• The biggest Rose: During the low point of covid in Canada, I got to go to Vancouver Island with my boyfriend and his family. It was SO incredible, I can't describe it. I could go on and on about how amazing it was but it was 2 weeks so I'd be typing for HOURS! Lots of hikes and lots of exciting adventures, including my first time ocean fishing (or fishing at all!) Also my first time in a real cave! A karst cave! It was SO AWESOME
• Started cooking food for myself more, not just chicken nuggets and mozza sticks!
• D&D with my friends before they left for uni
• 4th year of uni started - got into wind ensemble, and had in person classes/rehearsals again! About half and half online/in person though.
• I got a leopard gecko! My little man Cashew! He is still so tiny but growing fast!
• My chunky lizard Papaya is doing great and got himself a new 4x2x2 enclosure!
• Community band rehearsals started again!

Thorn

• My classes in my second half of 3rd year of uni were hard. I was so unmotivated and I hated every second of them. All online.
• I begun to resent band. Being unable to play with people I cared about took a toll on my passion for music.
• My boyfriend got put on night shift again, this time they had no date they'd go back to day shift. He was on it for MONTHS, then off again for a while, then BACK ON for the WHOLE summer. It was extremely hard on both of us.
• My hydrology class final BEAT ME UP
• I had a lot of anxiety and tough conversations due to my anxiety. It was good in the long run but was really hard.
• My friend I mentioned above, Rez, stopped playing Squad. I was sad to see that, and I haven't been able to bring myself to message him to ask how he's been.
• My dentist did my filling slightly off, so I had a weird bite for a while until I could fix it.
• Less online game nights until they finally fizzled out and stopped.
• Extreme covid fatigue. I'm double vaxxed but because some psychos refuse to get it I can't get back to normal. The constant news about covid takes its toll. Hard. I am numb to it but I know I have endured trauma because of all of this.
• My job wasn't all sunshine and roses - there was one girl who I did not like at all. Honestly all of my coworkers had their quirks, but oof was this one special.
• Some crazy stuff went down on this ship that was downright scary. It happens when your captain is 90 years old and retired .-. won't go into details.
• My friends moved away for uni, so we had to stop doing D&D.
• Covid cases went back up. Even with vaccines. Ugh. My province's government is also the laughing stock of Canada.
• SO MUCH SMOKE from the literal WHOLE of BC being on fire. It was scary. On my trip to Van Island, it was snowing ash.
• When 4th year started, wind ensemble made me somewhat upset because someone I hate is in it and continues to make me relive HORRIBLE times since he hasn't changed and says awkward stuff all the time. It is very upsetting.
• Community band is back, yes, but only with like 20 people (half are flutes) and we haven't even been able to have a concert yet and are playing music WAY under my level.
• Had some tough mental health moments due to a new medication. My bf has had some depression too.
• Dealing with low motivation and no drive to do art. I can't bring myself to draw anymore which I used to do all the time.

Bud

• Next semester. I know it will have its ups and downs, but I am hoping I can handle it better. I am hoping I can maybe talk to people rather than being the one left out of everything.
• A concert planned on the 30th of January with my community band. Hopefully we can actually do it and covid doesn't take it away.
• Speaking of which, I hope we can maybe have life back? it's looking less and less likely that covid will go away, but I can still have hope.
• I will be going on a hiking trip with my bf and his family again in July just like last year!
• More fun with my boyfriend. He will be doing school for the first half of the year but hopefully we can find time to be together.
• Keeping in touch with my friends who have gone out of town for uni. It is extremely important to me that I keep them around, I care about them so much.
• More fun in Squad!!!
• More adventures to places I have never been. Maybe I will finally climb a mountain all the way to the top. I have always wanted to stand on a mountain ridge.
• My leopard gecko's growth!
• I will continue to long for the day where masks are all burned forever. I hate them.
• I want to work on the sternwheeler again next summer. I imagine it will be easier now that I have experience, but I know it will present new challenges once more.
• Maybe, just maybe making some new friends????
• Hopefully I can coax my creativity back into commission. That would be cool.

May or may not add more as I think of them. I always end this with a message to my future self, so here it goes - Hi! I have no idea where you are in life right now. I hope you're doing alright, and aren't too stuck in covid still. I hope it has gone mostly away, and that life is starting to look up. I hope you and S are still having just as many fun times together, and have grown together more and more. I hope you still find joy in the mountains and the outdoors. I also hope you still sometimes do abs. I hope school hasn't been too hard. Remember you are always capable. You can do anything you set your mind to, because you have so much conviction and passion. When that fire is dim, just remember it is always still there. Take time to nurture it. Do what you love. Go on adventures. Grow. Finally, go forth and conquer!!! Oh - and KEEP DOING MUSIC!!!!!

2022
Alright, here is mine.

Rose

• I started getting into succulents in March/April, and now I have a massive collection! They make me so happy!
• I went on several super fun adventures with my boyfriend, mostly to the mountains. Even when it was cold, he made it fun!
• I got into embroidery too. It was a cool way to express my creativity when I had been in a pretty bit art block for a while.
• My leopard gecko Cashew is now fully grown and living his best life. I love both of my lizards!!
• I went back to the same summer job I had last year and this time I worked hard to become an engineer. I got some higher pay and became closer with some coworkers. It was the final year of my boss' reign over the ship so I was able to say goodbye to him.
• I went on a fantastic hiking adventure to the most off-the-grid place I have ever been to. We had to hike a difficult route up a mountain to get to the lodge. It was epic and I was so proud of myself for getting up there and doing the rest of the hikes.
• I did a bit of biking, bringing books with me to read in the forest in the summer.
• I learned how to make friendship bracelets courtesy of my coworkers!
• I got to go inside of a LAV 6 which was SO AWESOME
• I really got into Lush Cosmetics and have so many fancy soaps and stuff now. I finally found a brand that doesn't bother my skin and isn't a scummy company.
• I got to go to San Francisco with my family in November! It was seriously so much fun and warded off my seasonal depression quite well. We did all the fun touristy stuff and had a great time. I particularly love flying, being on a plane was so awesome!
• I GOT A BLAHAJ FOR CHRISTMAS FROM MY BF
• Got to visit my grandma for the first time in years
• NORMAL band rehearsals started again FINALLY and I quit the wind ensemble which removed so much stress from my life
• I joined some clubs at uni for the first time ever.
• At the beginning of the year I joined a D&D group. When that fizzled out I joined another which I am still in.
• I played a ton of fun games with the online gaming community I am a part of, including Ark, Eco, Minecraft, and Squad.
• I made another fursuit after a creative awakening which allowed me to let myself enjoy the furry community again. It is much better than the first one I made so that's awesome!
• I started rock climbing again, this time with my bf. It's fun but expensive
• I started playing Dead By Daylight with some good friends. It's a lot of fun and keeps me in contact with them.

Thorn

• I've been worrying about the future but that's just kinda a constant.
• I am a bit heavier than I want to be and I have a very hard time losing that which sucks, none of my efforts have worked and I relapse very often.
• I had a couple of plants die unfortunately. Being new to keeping succulents sometimes they just don't survive. Root rot is annoying af.
• This semester sucked a bit because some group members were trash. Going back to fully in person school was rough since everyone is different now.
• I got LOCKED IN THE ENGINE ROOM of my work. Because I had a panic attack because a coworker was literal GARBAGE and we all hated her. She was obsessed with saying that I did no work and was horrible at my job when I was in reality the most competent deck hand and a much better engineer than she was.
• On the same token, a coworker I worked with last year who I respected and liked betrayed me and actually hated me even though he acted like he was fine with me. The feeling of that SUCKED and I was so upset. He taught me things and was very helpful and listened to me. I hate that he was completely two-faced.
• I have had several run-ins with my family, mostly my sister. Big fights. I also am trapped at home since I can't really move out yet.
• Earlier in the year by bf injured his wrist at work which was so hard on him and therefore hard on me. It was very sad.
• My ski trip in February was unfortunate. I wanted it to be fun but I fought with my sister a lot which made it not great.
• I got COVID in April which was sucky.
• Some concerts got canceled at the start of the year along with classes being half online half in person, changing halfway through the semester which was sO ANNOYING
• Visiting my grandparents up north is... oof. They are very different now. The angry energy is sad.
• On that vein my whole family is just... different. All of them. It makes me sad to think about.

Bud

• I will graduate in May! That is so exciting but REALLY SCARY since I do not have a job lined up and have to do a job search for real for the first time
• If I get a job I can move in with my bf finally. We are hoping to rent a bigger place than he has now so that we have enough room for two people. I am very excited and scared for that
• I'm going on a trip to the grand canyon in the summer!
• I really want to go to a local furry convention. Maybe that happens maybe it doesn't but it would be fun
• I still want to stand at the very top of a tall mountain ridge.
• I always look forwards to the summer. Warm summer months are the best.
• More adventures with my bf!!!
• MORE SUCCULENTS

That's about all I can think of right now. I have a sort of tradition of giving myself a message to read in these so here it goes: HELLO, I hope you're doing alright and have some stuff to look forwards to. Ideally you've moved out - I hope you're happy! I also hope you've gotten some kind of job that you don't hate. I envy you, having graduated and all. I hope 56 is still going strong. Remember that you are important, you are valuable, and you are loved. You are SO capable and NOT an impostor. GO FORTH AND CONQUER! Also KEEP DOING MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!

2023
Oookay finally got some time to get this done. I might add some stuff in the next few days but here it goes!

Rose

• I graduated! I now have an undergraduate degree in geography.
• I got a new motherboard for my PC so I don't have any weird zapping static problems with it anymore.
• I briefly moved out of my parents' house. This one is funny because it's a rose and a thorn, but I'll get to that.
• I learned how to be more independent and also what truly matters in life, and that I'm a cool person who deserves love and happiness. I'm not a project to be worked on, or a toy to play with.
• Expanding on the PC upgrade above, I got MORE upgrades including a new PSU, GPU, more RAM, and a new CPU, now my PC can actually handle the games I like to play!
• I finally bought an Eb clarinet of my very own! It was quite discounted and I spent a lot less than I thought I would on it.
• My two best friends joined my community band, and I really am so happy to see them every week. The band also has improved so much and we are really coming out of the whole covid fiasco very strongly.
• I went to the Grand Canyon in August, where I proved to myself that I really can do anything I put my mind to. This one is also partially a thorn, but definitely a rose. I climbed out of that canyon myself. I rafted down the river through the most insane rapids I've ever seen. I slept on a mat under the stars (and bugs and bats). I DID that.
• On the same trip, I witnessed Las Vegas which was insane
• I did manage to get a job, I work at an airport. I love airplanes, and even if it is chaotic and doesn't pay a lot, I really do like it. I get to knock on the door of airplanes that have arrived, I get to help people find their lost baggage, and I get to help board planes. It's really cool.
• I've become less afraid of my emotions but that one is still a work in progress. I am learning to accept my feelings instead of shoving them away like they don't exist.
• I got out of a relationship that wasn't working.
• I am slowly making new friends in the form of coworkers and also people from band. After a long time believing I wasn't worthy of that, or that I was unlikable, it's nice to see that all of that wasn't true and the person who believed those things can suck it.
• I moved on from one online group to another on Discord. I'd been wanting to do that for a while and the aforementioned breakup just made it easier.
• I got to go to my first ever fursuit convention! I also wore my fursuit at my city's comic expo and I got so many pictures with people. I really loved that experience and am so excited to do it again sometime!
• I finally made myself a furry account on Instagram and I'm working on my first ever premade fursuit to sell. It's taking a while because of burnout and having a full time job but I'll get it done sometime soon I hope. I've now made 3 fursuits.
• I finally climbed a tall mountain and sat with my feet hanging off the edge. Finally I made it to the highest ridge of a mountain.
• I have had a lot fewer fights with my family this year.
• I now actually am the owner of my car, I pay for insurance and everything myself.
• After my breakup I have hung out with my true friends more because I care about them.

Thorn

• Well, I should probably start with the biggest and worst of all - I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. That was honestly the worst emotional damage I have ever sustained. I'll spare the details, but the summary is that he never liked me that much, but I loved him. It hurt a lot.
• I have to see my ex every week because he is a member of the same band as me, and I wouldn't let him get in the way of me playing my instruments and doing what I am passionate about.
• Moving out of my parents' place to live with my ex was honestly an awful experience that left me feeling terrified to ever try it again. From horrible neighbors to constant stress from my ex being horrible to never feeling like enough and being separated from my family, I can't believe I had to put up with all of that. I was genuinely excited to move out but it sucked. 4 months into living there I moved back home.
• My job is fun, but it's also stressful. I have become somewhat attached to some of my coworkers undoubtedly due to my own recent trauma, and navigating that is hard. I also get yelled at by angry passengers often and have to deal with difficult problems, and they won't promote me because they don't want to pay me more.
• I have some pretty bad self doubt as a result of my breakup and I am worried I won't ever find love or a partner again, and I'm unsure if I even want that. I also went from convincing myself I am straight to believing again I am probably on the ace spectrum and I genuinely hate that. I was right so many years ago, and I let myself betray my identity for someone who never even liked me that much. OWch.
• I left my D&D group because it wasn't fun anymore and my ex was in it, then my friend who I still wanted to stay in contact with keeps having his annoying friends around when I just want to talk to him alone because he is cool. I don't even know how to navigate that.
• I am still annoyingly reckless when I drive.
• I feel like I failed miserably at being an adult when I moved out for only 4 freaking months and instantly had to bail because my choice in partners sucks. Also I don't have a job that is in any way related to my degree.
• I can't afford therapy anymore because my insurance doesn't cover enough of it.
• My sister's boyfriend moved in with us and I am lowkey salty having to witness them be a couple in my face, like ow. PDA makes my skin crawl because I WANT HUGS BACK. Ugh I am so broken rn
• I don't really play video games with anyone other than myself anymore
• Cities skylines 2 kinda is bad right now, at least not as good as I'd hoped. Sadge
• I had to go on that Grand Canyon trip with my (then) boyfriend and his family and not for a single second did I feel welcome in that group. I only enjoyed it because I made an effort to pretend I was there on my own, which worked kinda, but now I just feel sad when I should feel proud when I think about the trip.
• I had a weird falling out with an online friend who is older than me and was acting like I was somehow special, and I have a lot of trauma from being put on a pedestal so I freaked out and ghosted him.

Bud

• I mean, I doubt next year can be worse than this year was honestly so there's that.
• We get new music in January. Hopefully I can play my new Eb clarinet.
• I might be going to Florida in July with my family.
• I have a safe place to live where I am welcome while I recover from my trauma of the move out/breakup thing.
• I am excited to fursuit more in the next year.
• I'd really like to use my free flying perks with one of my airlines but I am a little scared to try to plan that.
• Maybe I can somehow go to more concerts? I enjoy those. It would have been cool to get tickets to Taylor Swift but I haven't been successful haha
• Selling that fursuit I made would be great
• I want to go on a few solo hikes when the weather gets better. I have a couple in mind. I feel like that would be a great accomplishment for me to do on my own.
• Doing more on my own in general would be good. I need to learn how to be by myself.
• I'd like to be more social, make more friends, be more bold when it comes to meeting people and getting to know them.
• More self growth and maturing, but at my pace and without being forced into anything. Doing things I love, not to make others love me.
• Continuing to excel at my job and have fun the best I can, even when things are chaotic and crazy I will persevere regardless.

Wow that's long, but it is every year! I guess I'll just have more to look back on in the future. Speaking of, hi future Spirit! I know life sucked a lot when you wrote this, but there was also a lot to be proud of and happy for. That's super important. I hope that wherever you are, you are proud of yourself because you have been through so much. Don't forget - "You are never too much, and you are always enough." Quote courtesy of Never Have I Ever. Anyways. You're amazing, and you are exactly where you are supposed to be. I hope you continue being passionate about the things and people you love. Never change. Always be you. And KEEP DOING MUSIC!!!!!!