WORLDWIDETANG - ENSURING 100% UP TIME FOR HIGH-SPEED IMAGINARY INTERNET FOR FOUR YEARS RUNNING!!

"MY CLAN'S NERD IS LONELY," TANGSAURUS told the DRACONOMORPHIC SEARCH BAR at YE OLDE AUCTIONHAUS. "I THINK. WE'RE PRETTY SURE THAT SHE'S EMITTING WORDS IN DRAGON TALK BUT NOBODY UNDERSTANDS WHAT SHE'S SAYING. I NEED AN AUXILIARY NERD."

"We still have many nerds!" the search bar replied. "Would you like to narrow your search?"

"...MAYBE A BOY NERD?" TANGSAURUS guessed. "OR DO NERDS REPRODUCE BY FISSION? DOES SHE NEED A BOY NERD TO MAKE NERD LARVAE? HELP ME OUT HERE."

"I'm just a search bar," said the search bar.

"LOOK, I RUN A FIRE CLAN," TANGSAURUS said. "I'M NOT EDUCATED ENOUGH FOR THIS."

"But I am," said a MUSICAL NERD VOICE that was like WINDCHIMES MADE OF FROZEN STUFF.

TANGSAURUS peered suspiciously at the PROSPECTIVE ASSOCIATE NERD. "LOOK, OUR TECHIE IS DIRT FLIGHT AND WE LOVE HER ANYWAY BECAUSE WE'RE OPENMINDED LIKE THAT, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE ICE IS BAD FOR MACHINE THINGS."

"An astute observation," she said, in words that lacked the EXPLOSIVE INTERMITTENT ALLCAPS OF EXCELLENCE. Clearly, her education was IMPOVERISHED. "However, due to my high test scores, 5.8 GPA, and overall brilliance, I received a scholarship to attend the prestigious Stormbringer Academy of Doing the Thing with Bits What Have the Electrics Inside and Other Mechanical Doing-Things Too. I graduated summa c'um laude with a Ph.D in Making Info Go Different Places."

"WOW, THAT SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY COMPLICATED AND PROBABLY JUST WHAT WE NEED. CAN YOU PAIR BOND WITH OUR NERD AND MAYBE MAKE PARTHENOGENIC NERD BABIES?"

"Depends," said the DEFINITELY OVERQUALIFIED NERD. "Is she cute?"

"SHE'S THIS HUGE BLACK RIDGEBACK WHO KNAPS COMPUTERS OUT OF FLINT AND SWALLOWS SHARKS WHOLE. I THINK SHE KILLED A GUY ONCE WITH A GARROTE MADE OF CAT-5 CABLE."

"Oh my. I think I have a nerd crush already." And so it was that WORLDWIDETANG and DIGITANG combined forces and created the ALMIGHTY TANGFEARSOME TECH SUPPORT DIVISION fueled by raw RABURABU and DOKIDOKI along with NORMAL FOOD and MACHINE PARTS.

These poor unsuspecting NERDS had no idea what they were in for when they assessed the TANGFEARSOME TECHNOLOGICAL SITUATION. Mostly, there was NOTHING to assess. PEAK TECH KNOWINGS involved stuff like HANDCRAFTING a GAME BOY out of ANIMAL REMAINS AND FISH GLUE.

Consequently, after much BLOOD, SWEAT, TEARS, and DECEASED BRAIN CELLS, the TANGFEARSOME HIGH-SPEED INTERNET finally took form! It maybe ran on CRYSTALS or was perhaps COMPLETELY IMAGINARY, but it was THERE and the whole clan got EXCITED about the VAST SEA OF ULTIMATE KNOWLEDGE THAT WAS AT THEIR VERY CLAWTIPS!! So they got on the INTERWEBS using COMPUTERS, which were CONVENIENT FLAT ROCKS or sometimes ESPECIALLY SHINY SHELLS or INTERESTING CLOUD FORMATIONS. ("CLOUD COMPUTING IS THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE," TANGSAURUS said intelligently to his clanmates. "I READ IT ONLINE.") Thanks to the MAGIC OF TECHNOLOGY, everyone quickly became EXTREMELY EDUCATED!

"I READ ON WICKED PEDICLE THAT YOU CAN CURE SMIRCH TERT BY SMEARING YOURSELF WITH CASHEW BUTTER AND SETTING YOUR FACE ON FIRE," one guy told another.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT MY COMPUTER SAID," the other guy insisted. "YOU HAVE TO RUB IT WITH FUNGUS AND BURY YOURSELF AT A CROSSROADS."

"SOUNDS LIKE YOUR COMPUTER IS STUPID."

"NUH-UH, YOURS IS STUPIDER. MINE'S MADE OF A CHUNK OF LEAD THAT I SCAVENGED FROM LIGHTNING COUNTRY. IT EVEN TASTES GOOD. I'VE BEEN CHEWING ON IT ALL DAY AND IT STILL GETS REALLY GOOD NET CONNECTION."