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TOPIC | [S] Lair Reviews + Lore Writing [CLOSED]
@Chocoli Yeah, the face is a concern. The feet though, I would think that the red/gold effect would be just as cool? There are a lot of folks who use gold patterning over red base dragons like so:
[url=http://flightrising.com/main.php?dragon=28984593]
[img]http://flightrising.com/rendern/350/289846/28984593_350.png[/img]
[/url]
But you may be right... the coherency of the golds/browns/whites in her is a really nice, soft effect that the red probably would not work well with.
@Chocoli Yeah, the face is a concern. The feet though, I would think that the red/gold effect would be just as cool? There are a lot of folks who use gold patterning over red base dragons like so:
But you may be right... the coherency of the golds/browns/whites in her is a really nice, soft effect that the red probably would not work well with.
But you may be right... the coherency of the golds/browns/whites in her is a really nice, soft effect that the red probably would not work well with.
@Chrissy Sorry for the delay, I have had a very busy week! If there's anything that needs changing, please feel free to let me know! Your total comes to 10,130t!
Aer's lore (393 words):
Though born in the realm of Shadow, Aer felt the pull of wanderlust from a young age, and so he set out on his own to find his way. He traveled first to the realm of Light, too bright for his senses, and moved on quickly to the Shifting Expanse. He spent weeks watching the lightning dance in the sky, arcing down to kiss the great Spire. The fae there, though wary of him at first, taught him to craft delicate filigree jewelry in intricate patterns.
It was with reluctance that Aer surrendered to his wanderlust and moved on to the warmth and light of the Ashfall Wastes. There he met a beautiful little spiral who taught him the art of firedancing, swirling between the flames, the flutter of his many wings stirring them to dance in return. Aer learned his own steps on the ground, pulling the fire up to him. At night, the spiral crafted him pieces of cloth, held together by the filigree he fashioned, and slowly a outfit emerged, one that caught and reflected the firelight in a thousand tiny glimmers and turned Aer into a living flame when he danced.
It was this skill he took away from the Wastes and the spiral who taught him, across the rest of Sornieth, earning his keep anywhere he bedded down by entertaining those who would watch. When one day he found himself back upon the dusky border of his homeland, it did not feel like coming home, but it did sate something within him. By the time the Somber Sojourners came across him, he accepted their invitation to stay, offering his firedancing as entertainment in return for the home.
Aer loves his job and his clan, loves dancing for all of the wonderful dragons around him, but sometimes he wonders if it was a mistake to stay put. Though he is friendly with everyone in the clan, he has developed a crush on the young tundra guard, Alistair, who is enamored of the other dancer in the clan, Kaalia. Alistair often accompanies him to Bourbon’s club for drinks, to talk about their relationship problems, even if that only makes it worse for Aer. He would do anything to see Alistair happy- except step between him and Kaalia.
Only time will tell what is in store for the three of them…
Kaleb's Lore (303 words)
Kaleb began life in the Scarred Wastes, alone save for his older brother, Mikleo. Their dichotomy kept them alive, allowed them to see both sides of situations, each protecting the other. In a land that had no rules and no safety, the two became a part of what haunted the dark and hunted the day, bandits taking what they needed from those who dared tread their land. Though Kaleb often tended to bite off more than he could chew, Mikleo was always there to get them out of it again.
When the two of them found the dark brambles at the edge of the Wastes, it was Kaleb who wanted to venture forth into them. The Tangled Wood gave no welcome no travelers, no strangers, but the brothers had learned to take what they wanted, and so they crossed into the shadowed thicket with heads held high.
Deep in the Wood, they came upon the Somber Sojourners, and Evagria welcomed them as though she had been waiting for their arrival. They told the clan of their past, and listened to the stories told by other dragons, and decided that this was where they belonged. It was strange to have a single place to belong, to fall asleep at night and not worry about being attacked, without worrying their earnings would be taken from them.
When Evagria’s son died, she passed leadership of the clan to Kaleb, unwilling to rule any longer. When he came to power, the Rotrock Orphanage also shifted into the care of the Sojourners. Now, Kaleb runs the clan with a soft hand, lenient on most matters and sweet in his own right- that is, unless something threatens or harm Mikleo. Kaleb has not forgotten their roots in an unforgiving world, and he knows that sometimes violence is the answer.
Bourbon's Lore (317 words):
Not long after becoming a part of the clan, Bourbon began slowly turning his section of the lair into a bar club. Perhaps it was a factor of his taciturn but patient manner, but he often found clan mates coming to him to talk about everything from their general day-to-day business to their relationship woes to ideas they wanted to work out with a sympathetic ear. Bourbon found that folks had less expectations of him answering if he were pouring a drink or wiping down his beautiful, claw-carved bar top. Instead, they would speak at length while he listened, gathering stories and information.
That is not to say that he never answers. Slowly, he has learned to open to some of the clan, speaking up when knows something which can aid his patrons. He is careful to stick to public facts, never giving away personal information that has been entrusted to him, unwilling to betray that trust. This has endeared him to many of his patrons, particularly his regulars. While none expect answers or advice from Bourbon, most have learned that on the occasions Bourbon offers his perspective, they do well to heed him. If nothing else, he has listened to enough worldly knowledge to have a unique perspective, despite spending almost all of his time in the club.
Those who do not come to his club to take comfort in talking to him or enjoying a quiet drink in his presence, come to see his beautiful mate, Sugar. A section of his club remains clean and clear for her, where she can whirl and dance to her heart’s content, spinning and dipping and flashing the beautiful flowers she wears. At times, Bourbon finds himself holding still and calm, his bright eyes tracking her every graceful move. When she still between dances and turns a small, knowing smile his way, he remembers why he fell in love.
Aer's lore (393 words):
Though born in the realm of Shadow, Aer felt the pull of wanderlust from a young age, and so he set out on his own to find his way. He traveled first to the realm of Light, too bright for his senses, and moved on quickly to the Shifting Expanse. He spent weeks watching the lightning dance in the sky, arcing down to kiss the great Spire. The fae there, though wary of him at first, taught him to craft delicate filigree jewelry in intricate patterns.
It was with reluctance that Aer surrendered to his wanderlust and moved on to the warmth and light of the Ashfall Wastes. There he met a beautiful little spiral who taught him the art of firedancing, swirling between the flames, the flutter of his many wings stirring them to dance in return. Aer learned his own steps on the ground, pulling the fire up to him. At night, the spiral crafted him pieces of cloth, held together by the filigree he fashioned, and slowly a outfit emerged, one that caught and reflected the firelight in a thousand tiny glimmers and turned Aer into a living flame when he danced.
It was this skill he took away from the Wastes and the spiral who taught him, across the rest of Sornieth, earning his keep anywhere he bedded down by entertaining those who would watch. When one day he found himself back upon the dusky border of his homeland, it did not feel like coming home, but it did sate something within him. By the time the Somber Sojourners came across him, he accepted their invitation to stay, offering his firedancing as entertainment in return for the home.
Aer loves his job and his clan, loves dancing for all of the wonderful dragons around him, but sometimes he wonders if it was a mistake to stay put. Though he is friendly with everyone in the clan, he has developed a crush on the young tundra guard, Alistair, who is enamored of the other dancer in the clan, Kaalia. Alistair often accompanies him to Bourbon’s club for drinks, to talk about their relationship problems, even if that only makes it worse for Aer. He would do anything to see Alistair happy- except step between him and Kaalia.
Only time will tell what is in store for the three of them…
Kaleb's Lore (303 words)
Kaleb began life in the Scarred Wastes, alone save for his older brother, Mikleo. Their dichotomy kept them alive, allowed them to see both sides of situations, each protecting the other. In a land that had no rules and no safety, the two became a part of what haunted the dark and hunted the day, bandits taking what they needed from those who dared tread their land. Though Kaleb often tended to bite off more than he could chew, Mikleo was always there to get them out of it again.
When the two of them found the dark brambles at the edge of the Wastes, it was Kaleb who wanted to venture forth into them. The Tangled Wood gave no welcome no travelers, no strangers, but the brothers had learned to take what they wanted, and so they crossed into the shadowed thicket with heads held high.
Deep in the Wood, they came upon the Somber Sojourners, and Evagria welcomed them as though she had been waiting for their arrival. They told the clan of their past, and listened to the stories told by other dragons, and decided that this was where they belonged. It was strange to have a single place to belong, to fall asleep at night and not worry about being attacked, without worrying their earnings would be taken from them.
When Evagria’s son died, she passed leadership of the clan to Kaleb, unwilling to rule any longer. When he came to power, the Rotrock Orphanage also shifted into the care of the Sojourners. Now, Kaleb runs the clan with a soft hand, lenient on most matters and sweet in his own right- that is, unless something threatens or harm Mikleo. Kaleb has not forgotten their roots in an unforgiving world, and he knows that sometimes violence is the answer.
Bourbon's Lore (317 words):
Not long after becoming a part of the clan, Bourbon began slowly turning his section of the lair into a bar club. Perhaps it was a factor of his taciturn but patient manner, but he often found clan mates coming to him to talk about everything from their general day-to-day business to their relationship woes to ideas they wanted to work out with a sympathetic ear. Bourbon found that folks had less expectations of him answering if he were pouring a drink or wiping down his beautiful, claw-carved bar top. Instead, they would speak at length while he listened, gathering stories and information.
That is not to say that he never answers. Slowly, he has learned to open to some of the clan, speaking up when knows something which can aid his patrons. He is careful to stick to public facts, never giving away personal information that has been entrusted to him, unwilling to betray that trust. This has endeared him to many of his patrons, particularly his regulars. While none expect answers or advice from Bourbon, most have learned that on the occasions Bourbon offers his perspective, they do well to heed him. If nothing else, he has listened to enough worldly knowledge to have a unique perspective, despite spending almost all of his time in the club.
Those who do not come to his club to take comfort in talking to him or enjoying a quiet drink in his presence, come to see his beautiful mate, Sugar. A section of his club remains clean and clear for her, where she can whirl and dance to her heart’s content, spinning and dipping and flashing the beautiful flowers she wears. At times, Bourbon finds himself holding still and calm, his bright eyes tracking her every graceful move. When she still between dances and turns a small, knowing smile his way, he remembers why he fell in love.
@Chrissy Sorry for the delay, I have had a very busy week! If there's anything that needs changing, please feel free to let me know! Your total comes to 10,130t!
Aer's lore (393 words):
Though born in the realm of Shadow, Aer felt the pull of wanderlust from a young age, and so he set out on his own to find his way. He traveled first to the realm of Light, too bright for his senses, and moved on quickly to the Shifting Expanse. He spent weeks watching the lightning dance in the sky, arcing down to kiss the great Spire. The fae there, though wary of him at first, taught him to craft delicate filigree jewelry in intricate patterns.
It was with reluctance that Aer surrendered to his wanderlust and moved on to the warmth and light of the Ashfall Wastes. There he met a beautiful little spiral who taught him the art of firedancing, swirling between the flames, the flutter of his many wings stirring them to dance in return. Aer learned his own steps on the ground, pulling the fire up to him. At night, the spiral crafted him pieces of cloth, held together by the filigree he fashioned, and slowly a outfit emerged, one that caught and reflected the firelight in a thousand tiny glimmers and turned Aer into a living flame when he danced.
It was this skill he took away from the Wastes and the spiral who taught him, across the rest of Sornieth, earning his keep anywhere he bedded down by entertaining those who would watch. When one day he found himself back upon the dusky border of his homeland, it did not feel like coming home, but it did sate something within him. By the time the Somber Sojourners came across him, he accepted their invitation to stay, offering his firedancing as entertainment in return for the home.
Aer loves his job and his clan, loves dancing for all of the wonderful dragons around him, but sometimes he wonders if it was a mistake to stay put. Though he is friendly with everyone in the clan, he has developed a crush on the young tundra guard, Alistair, who is enamored of the other dancer in the clan, Kaalia. Alistair often accompanies him to Bourbon’s club for drinks, to talk about their relationship problems, even if that only makes it worse for Aer. He would do anything to see Alistair happy- except step between him and Kaalia.
Only time will tell what is in store for the three of them…
Kaleb's Lore (303 words)
Kaleb began life in the Scarred Wastes, alone save for his older brother, Mikleo. Their dichotomy kept them alive, allowed them to see both sides of situations, each protecting the other. In a land that had no rules and no safety, the two became a part of what haunted the dark and hunted the day, bandits taking what they needed from those who dared tread their land. Though Kaleb often tended to bite off more than he could chew, Mikleo was always there to get them out of it again.
When the two of them found the dark brambles at the edge of the Wastes, it was Kaleb who wanted to venture forth into them. The Tangled Wood gave no welcome no travelers, no strangers, but the brothers had learned to take what they wanted, and so they crossed into the shadowed thicket with heads held high.
Deep in the Wood, they came upon the Somber Sojourners, and Evagria welcomed them as though she had been waiting for their arrival. They told the clan of their past, and listened to the stories told by other dragons, and decided that this was where they belonged. It was strange to have a single place to belong, to fall asleep at night and not worry about being attacked, without worrying their earnings would be taken from them.
When Evagria’s son died, she passed leadership of the clan to Kaleb, unwilling to rule any longer. When he came to power, the Rotrock Orphanage also shifted into the care of the Sojourners. Now, Kaleb runs the clan with a soft hand, lenient on most matters and sweet in his own right- that is, unless something threatens or harm Mikleo. Kaleb has not forgotten their roots in an unforgiving world, and he knows that sometimes violence is the answer.
Bourbon's Lore (317 words):
Not long after becoming a part of the clan, Bourbon began slowly turning his section of the lair into a bar club. Perhaps it was a factor of his taciturn but patient manner, but he often found clan mates coming to him to talk about everything from their general day-to-day business to their relationship woes to ideas they wanted to work out with a sympathetic ear. Bourbon found that folks had less expectations of him answering if he were pouring a drink or wiping down his beautiful, claw-carved bar top. Instead, they would speak at length while he listened, gathering stories and information.
That is not to say that he never answers. Slowly, he has learned to open to some of the clan, speaking up when knows something which can aid his patrons. He is careful to stick to public facts, never giving away personal information that has been entrusted to him, unwilling to betray that trust. This has endeared him to many of his patrons, particularly his regulars. While none expect answers or advice from Bourbon, most have learned that on the occasions Bourbon offers his perspective, they do well to heed him. If nothing else, he has listened to enough worldly knowledge to have a unique perspective, despite spending almost all of his time in the club.
Those who do not come to his club to take comfort in talking to him or enjoying a quiet drink in his presence, come to see his beautiful mate, Sugar. A section of his club remains clean and clear for her, where she can whirl and dance to her heart’s content, spinning and dipping and flashing the beautiful flowers she wears. At times, Bourbon finds himself holding still and calm, his bright eyes tracking her every graceful move. When she still between dances and turns a small, knowing smile his way, he remembers why he fell in love.
Aer's lore (393 words):
Though born in the realm of Shadow, Aer felt the pull of wanderlust from a young age, and so he set out on his own to find his way. He traveled first to the realm of Light, too bright for his senses, and moved on quickly to the Shifting Expanse. He spent weeks watching the lightning dance in the sky, arcing down to kiss the great Spire. The fae there, though wary of him at first, taught him to craft delicate filigree jewelry in intricate patterns.
It was with reluctance that Aer surrendered to his wanderlust and moved on to the warmth and light of the Ashfall Wastes. There he met a beautiful little spiral who taught him the art of firedancing, swirling between the flames, the flutter of his many wings stirring them to dance in return. Aer learned his own steps on the ground, pulling the fire up to him. At night, the spiral crafted him pieces of cloth, held together by the filigree he fashioned, and slowly a outfit emerged, one that caught and reflected the firelight in a thousand tiny glimmers and turned Aer into a living flame when he danced.
It was this skill he took away from the Wastes and the spiral who taught him, across the rest of Sornieth, earning his keep anywhere he bedded down by entertaining those who would watch. When one day he found himself back upon the dusky border of his homeland, it did not feel like coming home, but it did sate something within him. By the time the Somber Sojourners came across him, he accepted their invitation to stay, offering his firedancing as entertainment in return for the home.
Aer loves his job and his clan, loves dancing for all of the wonderful dragons around him, but sometimes he wonders if it was a mistake to stay put. Though he is friendly with everyone in the clan, he has developed a crush on the young tundra guard, Alistair, who is enamored of the other dancer in the clan, Kaalia. Alistair often accompanies him to Bourbon’s club for drinks, to talk about their relationship problems, even if that only makes it worse for Aer. He would do anything to see Alistair happy- except step between him and Kaalia.
Only time will tell what is in store for the three of them…
Kaleb's Lore (303 words)
Kaleb began life in the Scarred Wastes, alone save for his older brother, Mikleo. Their dichotomy kept them alive, allowed them to see both sides of situations, each protecting the other. In a land that had no rules and no safety, the two became a part of what haunted the dark and hunted the day, bandits taking what they needed from those who dared tread their land. Though Kaleb often tended to bite off more than he could chew, Mikleo was always there to get them out of it again.
When the two of them found the dark brambles at the edge of the Wastes, it was Kaleb who wanted to venture forth into them. The Tangled Wood gave no welcome no travelers, no strangers, but the brothers had learned to take what they wanted, and so they crossed into the shadowed thicket with heads held high.
Deep in the Wood, they came upon the Somber Sojourners, and Evagria welcomed them as though she had been waiting for their arrival. They told the clan of their past, and listened to the stories told by other dragons, and decided that this was where they belonged. It was strange to have a single place to belong, to fall asleep at night and not worry about being attacked, without worrying their earnings would be taken from them.
When Evagria’s son died, she passed leadership of the clan to Kaleb, unwilling to rule any longer. When he came to power, the Rotrock Orphanage also shifted into the care of the Sojourners. Now, Kaleb runs the clan with a soft hand, lenient on most matters and sweet in his own right- that is, unless something threatens or harm Mikleo. Kaleb has not forgotten their roots in an unforgiving world, and he knows that sometimes violence is the answer.
Bourbon's Lore (317 words):
Not long after becoming a part of the clan, Bourbon began slowly turning his section of the lair into a bar club. Perhaps it was a factor of his taciturn but patient manner, but he often found clan mates coming to him to talk about everything from their general day-to-day business to their relationship woes to ideas they wanted to work out with a sympathetic ear. Bourbon found that folks had less expectations of him answering if he were pouring a drink or wiping down his beautiful, claw-carved bar top. Instead, they would speak at length while he listened, gathering stories and information.
That is not to say that he never answers. Slowly, he has learned to open to some of the clan, speaking up when knows something which can aid his patrons. He is careful to stick to public facts, never giving away personal information that has been entrusted to him, unwilling to betray that trust. This has endeared him to many of his patrons, particularly his regulars. While none expect answers or advice from Bourbon, most have learned that on the occasions Bourbon offers his perspective, they do well to heed him. If nothing else, he has listened to enough worldly knowledge to have a unique perspective, despite spending almost all of his time in the club.
Those who do not come to his club to take comfort in talking to him or enjoying a quiet drink in his presence, come to see his beautiful mate, Sugar. A section of his club remains clean and clear for her, where she can whirl and dance to her heart’s content, spinning and dipping and flashing the beautiful flowers she wears. At times, Bourbon finds himself holding still and calm, his bright eyes tracking her every graceful move. When she still between dances and turns a small, knowing smile his way, he remembers why he fell in love.
@kedreeva thank you again for the lore you've written! would it be possible to be pinged when you re-open again? i love your writing!
@kedreeva thank you again for the lore you've written! would it be possible to be pinged when you re-open again? i love your writing!
@Ririterasu Sorry again for the big delay! Here is your overall + specifics review. The 5 Specifics will follow shortly :)
Right off the bat, you've got things organized by species, which is pretty cool to see. The start of the lair (page 1) looks good with the variety of species it has and there's kind of a clear line drawn at Angel where the clan visually splits off into repetition of dragons. The mirrors and ridgies all kind of blend together as they share similar color schemes. That effect is somewhat reduced with the other species (bar that line of pink coatls on page 2) with their better variety of colors and equipment.
Your apparel... your APPAREL. Your combination of apparel/skins/accents is, to put it lightly, REGAL. Elegant. So many of your dragons are just so refined and delicately decorated, I can only imagine how unworthy other dragons must feel to approach them. You may excellent intertwined use of jewelry accents and silk apparel and even your choice in swords is tasteful. I would invite these fine dragons to tea. I would put out the good china for dinner with these dragons. Like I cannot stress this enough, you're a master of elegance when it comes to dressing up dragons. Everything looks so carefully chosen, so carefully placed, so thoughtfully combined with the accents each dragon has. I have my suspicions that you purchases the dragons to suit the accents, not the other way around! Heck, you even had me saying "wow" over the male nocs you've got, and I don't even LIKE male nocs! But here, they are beautiful.
As for the overall lore, it's well organized. I didn't catch much in the way of spelling or grammar issues, but I DID encounter multiple instances of tense errors (present tense mixed with past tense where it shouldn't be). Some tense switching is okay, like when a story moves completely from the past to the present, and the tense swaps, but I'm talking about swapping mid sentence. As for the content, I loved it! You've got some really interesting characters. I like the idea of the Eclipse, and of Enigma being the experimental dragon. Of the bios that you have available, I didn't feel like anyone was repeating stories; the dragons all have their own unique histories and paths into the clan. The only thing I can give as advice here is that you do have a few "not much is known about X dragon's past before the clan" as a theme- which is not necessarily a bad thing, but something to bear in mind as you write the rest of your lore, to not let it get to be too repetitive. As an aside, I think I liked Honey's lore the best, although Judas' was a close second given my love for the intensely creepy.
Overall, your lair is just lovely! I had a very enjoyable time paging through all the dragons. I loved the artwork you had done for so many of them. The bio designs themselves are solid, with the links to friends and mates, and the categories for the parts of the lore; gotta love that organization. You've got a really solid lair, and getting your lore up can only serve to improve it further!
-------
Specifics #1: Nascence
[url=http://flightrising.com/main.php?dragon=28738053]
[img]http://flightrising.com/rendern/350/287381/28738053_350.png[/img]
[/url]
She's a beautiful little fae. I actually thought that her hind feet had some kind of apparel, or that it was the skin that made her look like she's wearing little, pink, toeless booties, but nope! It was her genes! I love that her genes work so well together, the green blended with pink to match her wings, and the ivory glimmer matching the yellow in her wings... this is a very well thought out dragon, colors and gene wise. Her accent is A+ and her apparel matches it very well!
Specifics #2: Angel
[url=http://flightrising.com/main.php?dragon=10650850]
[img]http://flightrising.com/rendern/350/106509/10650850_350.png[/img]
[/url]
I love this little turd, oh my god. I feel for you Angel... I would rather take care of familiars than hatchlings too. I LOVE that you have him in this role; it's refreshing to see a dragon that isn't strong and scary and sure, but also isn't traumatized or wounded or with a dark past. Just an average sort of dragon with some anxiety and fear because of innocence and upbringing. I'm glad Nyx rescued him. I also REALLY love his whole Look- the soft pinks against the dark silks makes him really stand out (and I'll admit, I'm a little bit of a sucker for that artists' accents, one of my own PCs wears a set). His familiar is every bit as elegant as he deserves!
Specifics #3: Honey
[url=http://flightrising.com/main.php?dragon=14382018]
[img]http://flightrising.com/rendern/350/143821/14382018_350.png[/img]
[/url]
I love him, I LOVE HIM. Oh my goooosh this little adorable flirty nerd, i love him so much! I love his artwork of him buried in roses. I love his personality and his affinity for his gigantic imperial brother, and how incredibly vain he is. I love that he literally just wants to model and wear pretty clothes and flirt with everyone and gosh, he's so happy. I'm already a sucker for the grey/pink style of dragon, especially the grey/pink/white combination (look at Seraphina, the would-be fodder I couldn't let go), and Honey's got that down pat- grey body, with a pink and white accent, and pink and white apparel... even his eyes match the scheme!! ahhh perfection!
@Ririterasu Sorry again for the big delay! Here is your overall + specifics review. The 5 Specifics will follow shortly :)
Right off the bat, you've got things organized by species, which is pretty cool to see. The start of the lair (page 1) looks good with the variety of species it has and there's kind of a clear line drawn at Angel where the clan visually splits off into repetition of dragons. The mirrors and ridgies all kind of blend together as they share similar color schemes. That effect is somewhat reduced with the other species (bar that line of pink coatls on page 2) with their better variety of colors and equipment.
Your apparel... your APPAREL. Your combination of apparel/skins/accents is, to put it lightly, REGAL. Elegant. So many of your dragons are just so refined and delicately decorated, I can only imagine how unworthy other dragons must feel to approach them. You may excellent intertwined use of jewelry accents and silk apparel and even your choice in swords is tasteful. I would invite these fine dragons to tea. I would put out the good china for dinner with these dragons. Like I cannot stress this enough, you're a master of elegance when it comes to dressing up dragons. Everything looks so carefully chosen, so carefully placed, so thoughtfully combined with the accents each dragon has. I have my suspicions that you purchases the dragons to suit the accents, not the other way around! Heck, you even had me saying "wow" over the male nocs you've got, and I don't even LIKE male nocs! But here, they are beautiful.
As for the overall lore, it's well organized. I didn't catch much in the way of spelling or grammar issues, but I DID encounter multiple instances of tense errors (present tense mixed with past tense where it shouldn't be). Some tense switching is okay, like when a story moves completely from the past to the present, and the tense swaps, but I'm talking about swapping mid sentence. As for the content, I loved it! You've got some really interesting characters. I like the idea of the Eclipse, and of Enigma being the experimental dragon. Of the bios that you have available, I didn't feel like anyone was repeating stories; the dragons all have their own unique histories and paths into the clan. The only thing I can give as advice here is that you do have a few "not much is known about X dragon's past before the clan" as a theme- which is not necessarily a bad thing, but something to bear in mind as you write the rest of your lore, to not let it get to be too repetitive. As an aside, I think I liked Honey's lore the best, although Judas' was a close second given my love for the intensely creepy.
Overall, your lair is just lovely! I had a very enjoyable time paging through all the dragons. I loved the artwork you had done for so many of them. The bio designs themselves are solid, with the links to friends and mates, and the categories for the parts of the lore; gotta love that organization. You've got a really solid lair, and getting your lore up can only serve to improve it further!
Specifics #1: Nascence
She's a beautiful little fae. I actually thought that her hind feet had some kind of apparel, or that it was the skin that made her look like she's wearing little, pink, toeless booties, but nope! It was her genes! I love that her genes work so well together, the green blended with pink to match her wings, and the ivory glimmer matching the yellow in her wings... this is a very well thought out dragon, colors and gene wise. Her accent is A+ and her apparel matches it very well!
Specifics #2: Angel
I love this little turd, oh my god. I feel for you Angel... I would rather take care of familiars than hatchlings too. I LOVE that you have him in this role; it's refreshing to see a dragon that isn't strong and scary and sure, but also isn't traumatized or wounded or with a dark past. Just an average sort of dragon with some anxiety and fear because of innocence and upbringing. I'm glad Nyx rescued him. I also REALLY love his whole Look- the soft pinks against the dark silks makes him really stand out (and I'll admit, I'm a little bit of a sucker for that artists' accents, one of my own PCs wears a set). His familiar is every bit as elegant as he deserves!
Specifics #3: Honey
I love him, I LOVE HIM. Oh my goooosh this little adorable flirty nerd, i love him so much! I love his artwork of him buried in roses. I love his personality and his affinity for his gigantic imperial brother, and how incredibly vain he is. I love that he literally just wants to model and wear pretty clothes and flirt with everyone and gosh, he's so happy. I'm already a sucker for the grey/pink style of dragon, especially the grey/pink/white combination (look at Seraphina, the would-be fodder I couldn't let go), and Honey's got that down pat- grey body, with a pink and white accent, and pink and white apparel... even his eyes match the scheme!! ahhh perfection!
Right off the bat, you've got things organized by species, which is pretty cool to see. The start of the lair (page 1) looks good with the variety of species it has and there's kind of a clear line drawn at Angel where the clan visually splits off into repetition of dragons. The mirrors and ridgies all kind of blend together as they share similar color schemes. That effect is somewhat reduced with the other species (bar that line of pink coatls on page 2) with their better variety of colors and equipment.
Your apparel... your APPAREL. Your combination of apparel/skins/accents is, to put it lightly, REGAL. Elegant. So many of your dragons are just so refined and delicately decorated, I can only imagine how unworthy other dragons must feel to approach them. You may excellent intertwined use of jewelry accents and silk apparel and even your choice in swords is tasteful. I would invite these fine dragons to tea. I would put out the good china for dinner with these dragons. Like I cannot stress this enough, you're a master of elegance when it comes to dressing up dragons. Everything looks so carefully chosen, so carefully placed, so thoughtfully combined with the accents each dragon has. I have my suspicions that you purchases the dragons to suit the accents, not the other way around! Heck, you even had me saying "wow" over the male nocs you've got, and I don't even LIKE male nocs! But here, they are beautiful.
As for the overall lore, it's well organized. I didn't catch much in the way of spelling or grammar issues, but I DID encounter multiple instances of tense errors (present tense mixed with past tense where it shouldn't be). Some tense switching is okay, like when a story moves completely from the past to the present, and the tense swaps, but I'm talking about swapping mid sentence. As for the content, I loved it! You've got some really interesting characters. I like the idea of the Eclipse, and of Enigma being the experimental dragon. Of the bios that you have available, I didn't feel like anyone was repeating stories; the dragons all have their own unique histories and paths into the clan. The only thing I can give as advice here is that you do have a few "not much is known about X dragon's past before the clan" as a theme- which is not necessarily a bad thing, but something to bear in mind as you write the rest of your lore, to not let it get to be too repetitive. As an aside, I think I liked Honey's lore the best, although Judas' was a close second given my love for the intensely creepy.
Overall, your lair is just lovely! I had a very enjoyable time paging through all the dragons. I loved the artwork you had done for so many of them. The bio designs themselves are solid, with the links to friends and mates, and the categories for the parts of the lore; gotta love that organization. You've got a really solid lair, and getting your lore up can only serve to improve it further!
Specifics #1: Nascence
She's a beautiful little fae. I actually thought that her hind feet had some kind of apparel, or that it was the skin that made her look like she's wearing little, pink, toeless booties, but nope! It was her genes! I love that her genes work so well together, the green blended with pink to match her wings, and the ivory glimmer matching the yellow in her wings... this is a very well thought out dragon, colors and gene wise. Her accent is A+ and her apparel matches it very well!
Specifics #2: Angel
I love this little turd, oh my god. I feel for you Angel... I would rather take care of familiars than hatchlings too. I LOVE that you have him in this role; it's refreshing to see a dragon that isn't strong and scary and sure, but also isn't traumatized or wounded or with a dark past. Just an average sort of dragon with some anxiety and fear because of innocence and upbringing. I'm glad Nyx rescued him. I also REALLY love his whole Look- the soft pinks against the dark silks makes him really stand out (and I'll admit, I'm a little bit of a sucker for that artists' accents, one of my own PCs wears a set). His familiar is every bit as elegant as he deserves!
Specifics #3: Honey
I love him, I LOVE HIM. Oh my goooosh this little adorable flirty nerd, i love him so much! I love his artwork of him buried in roses. I love his personality and his affinity for his gigantic imperial brother, and how incredibly vain he is. I love that he literally just wants to model and wear pretty clothes and flirt with everyone and gosh, he's so happy. I'm already a sucker for the grey/pink style of dragon, especially the grey/pink/white combination (look at Seraphina, the would-be fodder I couldn't let go), and Honey's got that down pat- grey body, with a pink and white accent, and pink and white apparel... even his eyes match the scheme!! ahhh perfection!
@Ririterasu Here are your 5 random Specifics A reviews! Your total for these + the overall review comes to 55kt.
Specifics #1: Malik
[url=http://flightrising.com/main.php?dragon=22146817]
[img]http://flightrising.com/rendern/350/221469/22146817_350.png[/img]
[/url]
Out of allllll your dragons, Malik is my #1 favorite. He is fit for royalty. I love the solid black with the gold, the way his accent seems to be a part of him because it blends so perfectly with his glimmer belly and horns. The citrine jewelry also blends in so perfectly with the accent that it's easy to believe the accent is actually apparel, rather than an accent. He is GORGEOUS. I love that his familiar looks kind of royal as well, gives a very good impression of being a guard to a person of royalty. I got very excited to read his lore, only to find that it was not lore lol! I hope that it turns out well for him :)
Specifics #2: Judas
[url=http://flightrising.com/main.php?dragon=16733359]
[img]http://flightrising.com/rendern/350/167334/16733359_350.png[/img]
[/url]
EXCELLENT lore on this guy- creepy. So very creepy. The right, intense kind of creepy where nothing is actually wrong but yet EVERYTHING IS NOT RIGHT. I love this accent for him, and I'm glad that his colors are all white, because it wasn't until I clicked the accent to see it on my own dragons that I realized there were white stripes involved. I think it was a good decision to put it on a white dragon to diffuse that effect; it also brings out the VERY stark contrast of the blood on his chest... looks very much like a dragon who just got done doing messy surgery. The sewn lips just really adds to the effect. I'm glad you went with the aviator coat over a lab coat; that extra bit of elegance completes the look perfectly. And of couse he'd have a little black cat running at his side...
Specifics #3: Knight
[url=http://flightrising.com/main.php?dragon=14120958]
[img]http://flightrising.com/rendern/350/141210/14120958_350.png[/img]
[/url]
This poor boy! I just want to cuddle him up. I just want to give his mate back to him, even if she was assigned, even if she left of her own accord. He seems so gentle, so quiet and loving, and he deserves happiness for all the good things he has brought to the other dragons. I love his soft colors, and the matching soft colors of his familiar, and how simple his apparel is, and how simple even his accent is, just barely altering the colors he already has. The little spots of light in the shape of hearts!! So cute!! It makes me happy he is friends with Angel, too. Angel needs someone who is soft like this to be friends with!
Specifics #4: Akishiro
[url=http://flightrising.com/main.php?dragon=22556818]
[img]http://flightrising.com/rendern/350/225569/22556818_350.png[/img]
[/url]
I am baffled and utterly pleased. I looked up the dragon search as suggested in this dragon's bio and not only did I find two WIERDLY THE SAME dragons, I found THREE weirdly the same dragons. All from different parents, and none under those conditions that did NOT look the same!! This is easily one of the more cool things I've seen on the site. It's a small, secret coatl club. I wonder if the accent maker knows. On a more specific note, this dragon is awesome! I love the white/red color combo, as the red stands out so much! I love that his eyes match, too. In three pieces of equipment, you've managed to make a really pretty dragon stand out from origins that could have been much more subdued or cliche (like his mother, candy-cane colors). Very well done!
Specifics #5: Ezekiel
[url=http://flightrising.com/main.php?dragon=16549442]
[img]http://flightrising.com/rendern/350/165495/16549442_350.png[/img]
[/url]
What can I say, I have a type, and that type is where bright colors stand out from black or white, I guess!! This boy is beautiful! I've never seen an accent put eyebrows on a dragon before, but I find I LOVE IT A LOT. He looks FANTASTIC with his big bushy eyebrows. This boy looks like he is a general in an army, or a baron ruling over a huge countryside estate. I've never seen a talonclasp pendant that I thought looked good, until I saw it on this boy. Normally it looks huge and out of place and hangs funny, but layered with the cloak, it's perfect! Again, you've got A+ color scheme choices, as the blood shimmer fades from black to red, bringing his overall color scheme together fluidly. Love it!
@Ririterasu Here are your 5 random Specifics A reviews! Your total for these + the overall review comes to 55kt.
Specifics #1: Malik
Out of allllll your dragons, Malik is my #1 favorite. He is fit for royalty. I love the solid black with the gold, the way his accent seems to be a part of him because it blends so perfectly with his glimmer belly and horns. The citrine jewelry also blends in so perfectly with the accent that it's easy to believe the accent is actually apparel, rather than an accent. He is GORGEOUS. I love that his familiar looks kind of royal as well, gives a very good impression of being a guard to a person of royalty. I got very excited to read his lore, only to find that it was not lore lol! I hope that it turns out well for him :)
Specifics #2: Judas
EXCELLENT lore on this guy- creepy. So very creepy. The right, intense kind of creepy where nothing is actually wrong but yet EVERYTHING IS NOT RIGHT. I love this accent for him, and I'm glad that his colors are all white, because it wasn't until I clicked the accent to see it on my own dragons that I realized there were white stripes involved. I think it was a good decision to put it on a white dragon to diffuse that effect; it also brings out the VERY stark contrast of the blood on his chest... looks very much like a dragon who just got done doing messy surgery. The sewn lips just really adds to the effect. I'm glad you went with the aviator coat over a lab coat; that extra bit of elegance completes the look perfectly. And of couse he'd have a little black cat running at his side...
Specifics #3: Knight
This poor boy! I just want to cuddle him up. I just want to give his mate back to him, even if she was assigned, even if she left of her own accord. He seems so gentle, so quiet and loving, and he deserves happiness for all the good things he has brought to the other dragons. I love his soft colors, and the matching soft colors of his familiar, and how simple his apparel is, and how simple even his accent is, just barely altering the colors he already has. The little spots of light in the shape of hearts!! So cute!! It makes me happy he is friends with Angel, too. Angel needs someone who is soft like this to be friends with!
Specifics #4: Akishiro
I am baffled and utterly pleased. I looked up the dragon search as suggested in this dragon's bio and not only did I find two WIERDLY THE SAME dragons, I found THREE weirdly the same dragons. All from different parents, and none under those conditions that did NOT look the same!! This is easily one of the more cool things I've seen on the site. It's a small, secret coatl club. I wonder if the accent maker knows. On a more specific note, this dragon is awesome! I love the white/red color combo, as the red stands out so much! I love that his eyes match, too. In three pieces of equipment, you've managed to make a really pretty dragon stand out from origins that could have been much more subdued or cliche (like his mother, candy-cane colors). Very well done!
Specifics #5: Ezekiel
What can I say, I have a type, and that type is where bright colors stand out from black or white, I guess!! This boy is beautiful! I've never seen an accent put eyebrows on a dragon before, but I find I LOVE IT A LOT. He looks FANTASTIC with his big bushy eyebrows. This boy looks like he is a general in an army, or a baron ruling over a huge countryside estate. I've never seen a talonclasp pendant that I thought looked good, until I saw it on this boy. Normally it looks huge and out of place and hangs funny, but layered with the cloak, it's perfect! Again, you've got A+ color scheme choices, as the blood shimmer fades from black to red, bringing his overall color scheme together fluidly. Love it!
Specifics #1: Malik
Out of allllll your dragons, Malik is my #1 favorite. He is fit for royalty. I love the solid black with the gold, the way his accent seems to be a part of him because it blends so perfectly with his glimmer belly and horns. The citrine jewelry also blends in so perfectly with the accent that it's easy to believe the accent is actually apparel, rather than an accent. He is GORGEOUS. I love that his familiar looks kind of royal as well, gives a very good impression of being a guard to a person of royalty. I got very excited to read his lore, only to find that it was not lore lol! I hope that it turns out well for him :)
Specifics #2: Judas
EXCELLENT lore on this guy- creepy. So very creepy. The right, intense kind of creepy where nothing is actually wrong but yet EVERYTHING IS NOT RIGHT. I love this accent for him, and I'm glad that his colors are all white, because it wasn't until I clicked the accent to see it on my own dragons that I realized there were white stripes involved. I think it was a good decision to put it on a white dragon to diffuse that effect; it also brings out the VERY stark contrast of the blood on his chest... looks very much like a dragon who just got done doing messy surgery. The sewn lips just really adds to the effect. I'm glad you went with the aviator coat over a lab coat; that extra bit of elegance completes the look perfectly. And of couse he'd have a little black cat running at his side...
Specifics #3: Knight
This poor boy! I just want to cuddle him up. I just want to give his mate back to him, even if she was assigned, even if she left of her own accord. He seems so gentle, so quiet and loving, and he deserves happiness for all the good things he has brought to the other dragons. I love his soft colors, and the matching soft colors of his familiar, and how simple his apparel is, and how simple even his accent is, just barely altering the colors he already has. The little spots of light in the shape of hearts!! So cute!! It makes me happy he is friends with Angel, too. Angel needs someone who is soft like this to be friends with!
Specifics #4: Akishiro
I am baffled and utterly pleased. I looked up the dragon search as suggested in this dragon's bio and not only did I find two WIERDLY THE SAME dragons, I found THREE weirdly the same dragons. All from different parents, and none under those conditions that did NOT look the same!! This is easily one of the more cool things I've seen on the site. It's a small, secret coatl club. I wonder if the accent maker knows. On a more specific note, this dragon is awesome! I love the white/red color combo, as the red stands out so much! I love that his eyes match, too. In three pieces of equipment, you've managed to make a really pretty dragon stand out from origins that could have been much more subdued or cliche (like his mother, candy-cane colors). Very well done!
Specifics #5: Ezekiel
What can I say, I have a type, and that type is where bright colors stand out from black or white, I guess!! This boy is beautiful! I've never seen an accent put eyebrows on a dragon before, but I find I LOVE IT A LOT. He looks FANTASTIC with his big bushy eyebrows. This boy looks like he is a general in an army, or a baron ruling over a huge countryside estate. I've never seen a talonclasp pendant that I thought looked good, until I saw it on this boy. Normally it looks huge and out of place and hangs funny, but layered with the cloak, it's perfect! Again, you've got A+ color scheme choices, as the blood shimmer fades from black to red, bringing his overall color scheme together fluidly. Love it!
@Kedreeva
Ahhh, thank you!! I had a lot of fun reading your reviews! I'm glad you like Honey so much, he's one of my long standing dragons in the lair. It took me a while to find the right accent for him, but it all worked out in the end. Caught me red handed with the accents though - I do choose dragons based on the accents I have :P I feel pretty awful if I buy a pretty dragon and end up having to resell because I couldn't find an accent that would match or suit my taste.
Anyways great job, and I'll send you the treasure asap! Oh, and please put me on your general pinglist as well? Thanks!
Ahhh, thank you!! I had a lot of fun reading your reviews! I'm glad you like Honey so much, he's one of my long standing dragons in the lair. It took me a while to find the right accent for him, but it all worked out in the end. Caught me red handed with the accents though - I do choose dragons based on the accents I have :P I feel pretty awful if I buy a pretty dragon and end up having to resell because I couldn't find an accent that would match or suit my taste.
Anyways great job, and I'll send you the treasure asap! Oh, and please put me on your general pinglist as well? Thanks!
@Kedreeva
Ahhh, thank you!! I had a lot of fun reading your reviews! I'm glad you like Honey so much, he's one of my long standing dragons in the lair. It took me a while to find the right accent for him, but it all worked out in the end. Caught me red handed with the accents though - I do choose dragons based on the accents I have :P I feel pretty awful if I buy a pretty dragon and end up having to resell because I couldn't find an accent that would match or suit my taste.
Anyways great job, and I'll send you the treasure asap! Oh, and please put me on your general pinglist as well? Thanks!
Ahhh, thank you!! I had a lot of fun reading your reviews! I'm glad you like Honey so much, he's one of my long standing dragons in the lair. It took me a while to find the right accent for him, but it all worked out in the end. Caught me red handed with the accents though - I do choose dragons based on the accents I have :P I feel pretty awful if I buy a pretty dragon and end up having to resell because I couldn't find an accent that would match or suit my taste.
Anyways great job, and I'll send you the treasure asap! Oh, and please put me on your general pinglist as well? Thanks!
@Chocoli Here is your piece of story lore, I hope that it is suiting for you and Ryujin. I picked a piece of his earlier lore, where "generals" approached him for their armies and fiddled with it. (it went a little longer than expected, but I was having fun). Your total will be 7080t.
Deep in the center of the Viridian Labyrinth, Ryujin rested, his claws tucked under him, wings folded and dropped to the soft earth beneath him for stability. Some touted the Gladekeeper’s domain as a land of light and life. Ryujin had seen better. Here, in the thick of the forest, sunlight did not trickle through the leaves like so much hope. Here, the shadows ruled almost as harshly as they did in the Brambles of the Shadowbinder.
So, he kept his wings open in preparation, and laid his sword across his lap to clean. The soft rustle of the leaves above him told him that the forest was not impenetrable, to the right forces. The scent of damp earth told him that the rain still reached this place. Life still flourished in the shadows.
“You’re far from home,” said a voice, and though Ryujin looked up, he saw no intruder to his camp.
“Who goes?” he asked, claws tightening on his pommel. No other part of him moved, not until he could ensure that shifting would benefit him.
“Oh, no one in particular,” came the sweet voice again, echoing around the small clearing. He tipped his head to look up into the canopy, and spotted a flicker of sunlight through the dense foliage. The ionic scent of a spiral, an unmistakable remnant of their origins, drifted to him with the movement.
“Show yourself,” Ryujin demanded quietly. “Or you will not like how I reveal you.”
A laugh like the chiming of bells, and the lithe, slithery creature dripped from the branches above to pool on the cool soil at the edge of the clearing. Her wings splayed in bony tatters at her sides, no longer capable of flight, and she fixed him with a scarred, sightless gaze. “Unfair for you to see me, when I cannot see you,” she hummed, drawing herself up to her full height.
Ryujin held himself still, claws still on his sword. Waiting. “What do you seek?”
She bared needle fangs and said: “A fight,” and that was all the warning he got before she was upon him.
He felt the first bite of claws on his flanks before he had even thrown himself to his feet. In such close quarters his sword had no use, so he discarded it in favor of rolling onto the ground, twisting his long neck around to snap at her scarred form. She slipped away from him the way oil does water, leaving a trail of blood in her wake as she got between his wings. Too close to his spine. He lashed his tail up and when she curved to avoid the sting of it, he latched onto one of her wings and yanked her to his front.
When he felt the ghost of clawtips on his belly, he had to push and leap to avoid being gutted, casting her free of his grasp as he did so. Clever. She found her footing a few yards from him, and swirled up into a defensive pose, but made no move to attack him again.
He snatched up his blade, determined to fight prepared this time. The attack never came. Instead, she lowered her head in submission, head quirked at an odd angle and an eerie smile curling at her lips.
“They spoke of you, Warrior,” she said quietly, holding her pose with no sign of a threat. “The trees. They told me a warrior had entered the Gladekeeper’s domain, one unclaimed by the dominance battles the deities fight.”
Ryujin’s guard relaxed. A proposition. He had faced countless offers in the past. “My blade is my own,” he told her calmly, lowering the tip to the ground.
“Your death is not,” she replied, bone wings flaring out slowly. “Our deaths belong to the gods. So should our lives.”
“Not mine,” he said, lifting his blade to return it to its sheath. “I will not pledge my blade or my life or my death to anyone.”
That grin, a twisted facsimile of amusement, warped her lips once more. “Not yet,” she said, and between one heartbeat and the next, she had gone.
Around him, a breeze whispered through the trees, and Ryujin wondered what they would say about him now.
Deep in the center of the Viridian Labyrinth, Ryujin rested, his claws tucked under him, wings folded and dropped to the soft earth beneath him for stability. Some touted the Gladekeeper’s domain as a land of light and life. Ryujin had seen better. Here, in the thick of the forest, sunlight did not trickle through the leaves like so much hope. Here, the shadows ruled almost as harshly as they did in the Brambles of the Shadowbinder.
So, he kept his wings open in preparation, and laid his sword across his lap to clean. The soft rustle of the leaves above him told him that the forest was not impenetrable, to the right forces. The scent of damp earth told him that the rain still reached this place. Life still flourished in the shadows.
“You’re far from home,” said a voice, and though Ryujin looked up, he saw no intruder to his camp.
“Who goes?” he asked, claws tightening on his pommel. No other part of him moved, not until he could ensure that shifting would benefit him.
“Oh, no one in particular,” came the sweet voice again, echoing around the small clearing. He tipped his head to look up into the canopy, and spotted a flicker of sunlight through the dense foliage. The ionic scent of a spiral, an unmistakable remnant of their origins, drifted to him with the movement.
“Show yourself,” Ryujin demanded quietly. “Or you will not like how I reveal you.”
A laugh like the chiming of bells, and the lithe, slithery creature dripped from the branches above to pool on the cool soil at the edge of the clearing. Her wings splayed in bony tatters at her sides, no longer capable of flight, and she fixed him with a scarred, sightless gaze. “Unfair for you to see me, when I cannot see you,” she hummed, drawing herself up to her full height.
Ryujin held himself still, claws still on his sword. Waiting. “What do you seek?”
She bared needle fangs and said: “A fight,” and that was all the warning he got before she was upon him.
He felt the first bite of claws on his flanks before he had even thrown himself to his feet. In such close quarters his sword had no use, so he discarded it in favor of rolling onto the ground, twisting his long neck around to snap at her scarred form. She slipped away from him the way oil does water, leaving a trail of blood in her wake as she got between his wings. Too close to his spine. He lashed his tail up and when she curved to avoid the sting of it, he latched onto one of her wings and yanked her to his front.
When he felt the ghost of clawtips on his belly, he had to push and leap to avoid being gutted, casting her free of his grasp as he did so. Clever. She found her footing a few yards from him, and swirled up into a defensive pose, but made no move to attack him again.
He snatched up his blade, determined to fight prepared this time. The attack never came. Instead, she lowered her head in submission, head quirked at an odd angle and an eerie smile curling at her lips.
“They spoke of you, Warrior,” she said quietly, holding her pose with no sign of a threat. “The trees. They told me a warrior had entered the Gladekeeper’s domain, one unclaimed by the dominance battles the deities fight.”
Ryujin’s guard relaxed. A proposition. He had faced countless offers in the past. “My blade is my own,” he told her calmly, lowering the tip to the ground.
“Your death is not,” she replied, bone wings flaring out slowly. “Our deaths belong to the gods. So should our lives.”
“Not mine,” he said, lifting his blade to return it to its sheath. “I will not pledge my blade or my life or my death to anyone.”
That grin, a twisted facsimile of amusement, warped her lips once more. “Not yet,” she said, and between one heartbeat and the next, she had gone.
Around him, a breeze whispered through the trees, and Ryujin wondered what they would say about him now.
@Chocoli Here is your piece of story lore, I hope that it is suiting for you and Ryujin. I picked a piece of his earlier lore, where "generals" approached him for their armies and fiddled with it. (it went a little longer than expected, but I was having fun). Your total will be 7080t.
Deep in the center of the Viridian Labyrinth, Ryujin rested, his claws tucked under him, wings folded and dropped to the soft earth beneath him for stability. Some touted the Gladekeeper’s domain as a land of light and life. Ryujin had seen better. Here, in the thick of the forest, sunlight did not trickle through the leaves like so much hope. Here, the shadows ruled almost as harshly as they did in the Brambles of the Shadowbinder.
So, he kept his wings open in preparation, and laid his sword across his lap to clean. The soft rustle of the leaves above him told him that the forest was not impenetrable, to the right forces. The scent of damp earth told him that the rain still reached this place. Life still flourished in the shadows.
“You’re far from home,” said a voice, and though Ryujin looked up, he saw no intruder to his camp.
“Who goes?” he asked, claws tightening on his pommel. No other part of him moved, not until he could ensure that shifting would benefit him.
“Oh, no one in particular,” came the sweet voice again, echoing around the small clearing. He tipped his head to look up into the canopy, and spotted a flicker of sunlight through the dense foliage. The ionic scent of a spiral, an unmistakable remnant of their origins, drifted to him with the movement.
“Show yourself,” Ryujin demanded quietly. “Or you will not like how I reveal you.”
A laugh like the chiming of bells, and the lithe, slithery creature dripped from the branches above to pool on the cool soil at the edge of the clearing. Her wings splayed in bony tatters at her sides, no longer capable of flight, and she fixed him with a scarred, sightless gaze. “Unfair for you to see me, when I cannot see you,” she hummed, drawing herself up to her full height.
Ryujin held himself still, claws still on his sword. Waiting. “What do you seek?”
She bared needle fangs and said: “A fight,” and that was all the warning he got before she was upon him.
He felt the first bite of claws on his flanks before he had even thrown himself to his feet. In such close quarters his sword had no use, so he discarded it in favor of rolling onto the ground, twisting his long neck around to snap at her scarred form. She slipped away from him the way oil does water, leaving a trail of blood in her wake as she got between his wings. Too close to his spine. He lashed his tail up and when she curved to avoid the sting of it, he latched onto one of her wings and yanked her to his front.
When he felt the ghost of clawtips on his belly, he had to push and leap to avoid being gutted, casting her free of his grasp as he did so. Clever. She found her footing a few yards from him, and swirled up into a defensive pose, but made no move to attack him again.
He snatched up his blade, determined to fight prepared this time. The attack never came. Instead, she lowered her head in submission, head quirked at an odd angle and an eerie smile curling at her lips.
“They spoke of you, Warrior,” she said quietly, holding her pose with no sign of a threat. “The trees. They told me a warrior had entered the Gladekeeper’s domain, one unclaimed by the dominance battles the deities fight.”
Ryujin’s guard relaxed. A proposition. He had faced countless offers in the past. “My blade is my own,” he told her calmly, lowering the tip to the ground.
“Your death is not,” she replied, bone wings flaring out slowly. “Our deaths belong to the gods. So should our lives.”
“Not mine,” he said, lifting his blade to return it to its sheath. “I will not pledge my blade or my life or my death to anyone.”
That grin, a twisted facsimile of amusement, warped her lips once more. “Not yet,” she said, and between one heartbeat and the next, she had gone.
Around him, a breeze whispered through the trees, and Ryujin wondered what they would say about him now.
Deep in the center of the Viridian Labyrinth, Ryujin rested, his claws tucked under him, wings folded and dropped to the soft earth beneath him for stability. Some touted the Gladekeeper’s domain as a land of light and life. Ryujin had seen better. Here, in the thick of the forest, sunlight did not trickle through the leaves like so much hope. Here, the shadows ruled almost as harshly as they did in the Brambles of the Shadowbinder.
So, he kept his wings open in preparation, and laid his sword across his lap to clean. The soft rustle of the leaves above him told him that the forest was not impenetrable, to the right forces. The scent of damp earth told him that the rain still reached this place. Life still flourished in the shadows.
“You’re far from home,” said a voice, and though Ryujin looked up, he saw no intruder to his camp.
“Who goes?” he asked, claws tightening on his pommel. No other part of him moved, not until he could ensure that shifting would benefit him.
“Oh, no one in particular,” came the sweet voice again, echoing around the small clearing. He tipped his head to look up into the canopy, and spotted a flicker of sunlight through the dense foliage. The ionic scent of a spiral, an unmistakable remnant of their origins, drifted to him with the movement.
“Show yourself,” Ryujin demanded quietly. “Or you will not like how I reveal you.”
A laugh like the chiming of bells, and the lithe, slithery creature dripped from the branches above to pool on the cool soil at the edge of the clearing. Her wings splayed in bony tatters at her sides, no longer capable of flight, and she fixed him with a scarred, sightless gaze. “Unfair for you to see me, when I cannot see you,” she hummed, drawing herself up to her full height.
Ryujin held himself still, claws still on his sword. Waiting. “What do you seek?”
She bared needle fangs and said: “A fight,” and that was all the warning he got before she was upon him.
He felt the first bite of claws on his flanks before he had even thrown himself to his feet. In such close quarters his sword had no use, so he discarded it in favor of rolling onto the ground, twisting his long neck around to snap at her scarred form. She slipped away from him the way oil does water, leaving a trail of blood in her wake as she got between his wings. Too close to his spine. He lashed his tail up and when she curved to avoid the sting of it, he latched onto one of her wings and yanked her to his front.
When he felt the ghost of clawtips on his belly, he had to push and leap to avoid being gutted, casting her free of his grasp as he did so. Clever. She found her footing a few yards from him, and swirled up into a defensive pose, but made no move to attack him again.
He snatched up his blade, determined to fight prepared this time. The attack never came. Instead, she lowered her head in submission, head quirked at an odd angle and an eerie smile curling at her lips.
“They spoke of you, Warrior,” she said quietly, holding her pose with no sign of a threat. “The trees. They told me a warrior had entered the Gladekeeper’s domain, one unclaimed by the dominance battles the deities fight.”
Ryujin’s guard relaxed. A proposition. He had faced countless offers in the past. “My blade is my own,” he told her calmly, lowering the tip to the ground.
“Your death is not,” she replied, bone wings flaring out slowly. “Our deaths belong to the gods. So should our lives.”
“Not mine,” he said, lifting his blade to return it to its sheath. “I will not pledge my blade or my life or my death to anyone.”
That grin, a twisted facsimile of amusement, warped her lips once more. “Not yet,” she said, and between one heartbeat and the next, she had gone.
Around him, a breeze whispered through the trees, and Ryujin wondered what they would say about him now.
@Kedreeva
AHHHH I LOVE IT. Your OC sound so cool and exactly like the strange people he'd encounter on his journeys! I really like how this one's more of a conversation but still has a bit of action :D
AHHHH I LOVE IT. Your OC sound so cool and exactly like the strange people he'd encounter on his journeys! I really like how this one's more of a conversation but still has a bit of action :D
@Kedreeva
AHHHH I LOVE IT. Your OC sound so cool and exactly like the strange people he'd encounter on his journeys! I really like how this one's more of a conversation but still has a bit of action :D
AHHHH I LOVE IT. Your OC sound so cool and exactly like the strange people he'd encounter on his journeys! I really like how this one's more of a conversation but still has a bit of action :D
