General Discussion

[quote name="Balerion" date="2024-06-26 16:04:37" ] Hey, I've got a question for y'all. How did you realize you were non-binary/multigender/genderqueer/etc.? I'm AFAB and pretty sure I'm a woman, but I'm wondering if there's something else going on as well, gender-wise. [/quote] Funnily enough, when I made peace with femininity. When I became a teen and started puberty, I HATED everything girly because of all the crap that comes with being a woman in this society. I felt like I was lesser if I liked it and so I rejected it. My best friend is a hardcore feminist (and I love her for it - go you!) and through spending time with her, I learned that it's okay to be feminine and like feminine things, it doesn't make me weak or lesser. This made me realise that while I'm not forced to be a woman, I can choose to, if I wanted. It's up to me and what i'm okay with. YEARS later I learned of the label non-binary and went "OOOOOOOH that makes a lot of sense actually". Yes i'm that old lmao. And now I get the same joy out of wearing a dress as I do wearing a suit, depending on what I feel like. And sometimes I despair and cry in front of my wardrobe because every damn thing is gendered and there are no genderless options.

Not to interject on the current topic, but I just wanted to leave a little note in celebration before the month is over!

First of all, this year marks 10 years since I originally came out as ace and nonbinary. It's remarkable to think how far I've come, and I'm feeling a lot more at peace with myself than I have in years. I want to thank my younger self and everyone who came before me for helping me get to where I needed to be and for showing me that I'm not alone.

Secondly, I received a gift this month. After over 10 years of waiting, multiple blockages, and 2 years of actively working on the process this time around, last week I was finally scheduled for top surgery! In a few months I will be entering a new chapter that I've badly needed to open for a very long time. I'm so grateful, as well as busy with getting ready and processing the news. I wish this happiness for everyone who wants or needs this care as well.

Happy Pride to everyone, no matter where you are on your journey! And remember, pride is all year long ^^

[quote name="stormspecter" date="2024-06-30 10:48:22" ] Not to interject on the current topic, but I just wanted to leave a little note in celebration before the month is over! First of all, this year marks 10 years since I originally came out as ace and nonbinary. It's remarkable to think how far I've come, and I'm feeling a lot more at peace with myself than I have in years. I want to thank my younger self and everyone who came before me for helping me get to where I needed to be and for showing me that I'm not alone. Secondly, I received a gift this month. After over 10 years of waiting, multiple blockages, and 2 years of actively working on the process this time around, last week I was finally scheduled for top surgery! In a few months I will be entering a new chapter that I've badly needed to open for a very long time. I'm so grateful, as well as busy with getting ready and processing the news. I wish this happiness for everyone who wants or needs this care as well. Happy Pride to everyone, no matter where you are on your journey! And remember, pride is all year long ^^ [/quote] Congratulations and Happy Pride friend! That is such exciting news and I'm very happy for you! ^_^

[quote name="stormspecter" date="2024-06-30 10:48:22" ] Not to interject on the current topic, but I just wanted to leave a little note in celebration before the month is over! First of all, this year marks 10 years since I originally came out as ace and nonbinary. It's remarkable to think how far I've come, and I'm feeling a lot more at peace with myself than I have in years. I want to thank my younger self and everyone who came before me for helping me get to where I needed to be and for showing me that I'm not alone. Secondly, I received a gift this month. After over 10 years of waiting, multiple blockages, and 2 years of actively working on the process this time around, last week I was finally scheduled for top surgery! In a few months I will be entering a new chapter that I've badly needed to open for a very long time. I'm so grateful, as well as busy with getting ready and processing the news. I wish this happiness for everyone who wants or needs this care as well. Happy Pride to everyone, no matter where you are on your journey! And remember, pride is all year long ^^ [/quote] Massive congrats! Can't wait till I can get top surgery

i think i'm asexual. for most of my conscious life i've been thinking something like "well i'm just too young to think about this stuff!1!" but..... yeah i've been a legal adult for some time now, crazy how that happened while i wasn't looking?? and i've never experienced desire, interest, attraction, etc in that way. if anything, i'd like to stay away from the act.

and i wish it wasn't a big enough deal [for me!] worth flying the ace pride flag (as opposed to the enby flag, which would've been a big deal to me (in a good way?) even in a perfect non-trasphobic world), like who cares about stuff people _don't do_, right? WRONG! somehow! the entire world, both "society" in general and close people like my relatives, consider attraction to be an intrinsic, most important aspect of human experience. so, to be asexual is to be subhuman, GREAT! additionally, my relatives think that i'm lying about not being interested in people intimately just to "cover myself", as if i'm hiding something out of shame or something (nice trust you have in me, thanks </3), and as if it's simply impossible for people to not experience attraction, and that sucks even more :__/

sorry, i'm upset :(

@3141592653589793 I'm sorry! Growing up to realise I'm aroacespec wasn't easy, as if being a gay trans man wasn't enough. Being acespec doesn't make you "less of a person," a "robot," and nothing is wrong with you. Your family is treating you unfairly, and if you're able to, I'd recommend talking to your family about it.
It was easier for me to come to terms with the fact that I'm trans than it was aroacespec (primarily arospec). Trans people are a lot more talked about in media than aro/ace/aroace people, especially aro people. Not finding attraction easily/at all feels like you're separated from the rest of the community in a way. I'd suggest watching JaidenAnimation's video about coming out as aroace. Click here to watch it. It helped me come to terms with myself.
That being said, I hope your experiences get better, and you can find a nice community in your area that you can be open and honest with, and I hope your family gets better about that stuff!

After a lot of thinking, I think I’m Ace and Bi. I originally was labelling myself as aroace for about a year, but I’ve realized that I’m only ace. I find the idea of a relationship appealing, but the idea of other stuff,, not so much.

As for being bi, I like guys and girls for sure. I find men attractive. I find women attractive, if not a bit more than men. I would be happy being with either gender, but I think I’d prefer a girl. I’ve just been finding women more appealing than men for a little while now, and I’ve only started realizing it since a few months ago. Now that I know I’m bi, I feel way more chill about it.

Edit: after a lot of remembering, I’ve realized that I’m more aesthetically attracted to men. I see an attractive guy and go “wow he’s pretty/handsome” but I can’t picture myself as being with a guy. I remember in elementary school I thought it was common to have crushes, so I kind of forced myself to have a crush on one of my classmates, and when he asked me if I had a crush on him, I had no idea what to do and didn’t talk to him for a long time.

I now know that I’m bi, but I lean towards women. Thanks for taking time to read <3

@3141592653589793

Yeah it sucks out here :(

I grew up not having any desire for that stuff. I was so sure of myself but everyone always questioned me like I somehow didn't even know myself, or I was too young, or I just hadn't found the right guy yet, or I must be repressing it... You get the gist. I really hate to see others go through the same scrutinization that I did as a teenager.

Nonetheless, I became friends with a guy back when I was 20, and unfortunately, he decided we were in a relationship because of how close we were, so I had to say yes to keep that connection because I really liked him as a friend. What followed was 3 years of me pretending to feel 'that way' towards him. Oh my god I still can't believe I did that. What's so sad, is that I genuinely believed I DID feel that way. But in the end, now that we are long-past broken up, I have gone back to what I believed as a teenager. I am ace, and while I feel romantic attraction to men, the thought of anything more intimate scares me and I do not feel that form of attraction, except for in possibly very small amounts that may be me just forcing myself because society says I should.

It's complicated when you don't experience the same thing as the rest of society. Like really freaking hard. Nobody gets it and everyone thinks they know you better than you know yourself. I'm sorry you're going through this but you are not alone, and you are NOT who others say you are. You do know yourself best, and you are your own best advocate!

And you are absolutely NOT subhuman!! I know the world makes us look that way but it's not true. We are all equally as important as everyone else, and we are all unique and amazing human beings no matter our lack of spicy attraction.

What I've found deeply ironic, on the subject of the Ace Experience and societal expectations, is the way allo attitudes towards intercourse vary wildly between "it's a transcendant form of human connection!" and "it's deeply shameful and you should never discuss it with anyone except your intimate partner." I feel like I have eyes that can see through all pretense but only for this, and what good does it do when everyone's telling you to just dive in there anyway? I am not believed when I say I never want an intimate relationship. I talk very freely about my lack of desire and I'm ignored, like I'm not speaking at all. Not to make this about myself, just feeling a sense of kinship.

[quote name="Birdarang" date="2024-07-05 06:05:51" ] What I've found deeply ironic, on the subject of the Ace Experience and societal expectations, is the way allo attitudes towards intercourse vary wildly between "it's a transcendant form of human connection!" and "it's deeply shameful and you should never discuss it with anyone except your intimate partner." [/quote] I don't think there's a way to discuss this without skirting TOS, so all I'm going to say on the topic is that it's because of a certain cultural aspect in the west that is based around selective reading. history left some pretty annoying marks, let's just keep it at that. to bring this back to a more positive note, there are great resources on the internet that have helped me learn way more about myself than biology class did (don't get me wrong, I had good biology lessons that taught me how the body works - or should work - in a purely practical sense, but it didn't really talk about how the attraction thing works), and I'm glad that it's possible to find that information and talk about it with people online.