So, I recently started college. Summer classes. I've moved into my temp dorm for the summer and have tried making it my home base. I felt comfortable at first, my roommate is the RA, she seemed nice and sweet... Boy am I getting a punch to the gut now.
Over the past 6 weeks I've lived here, I've been through difficult situations with her. From being told that me being pansexual is a sin, disgusting, and sick, to being told that because I'm white my mom never disciplined me as a child. She hates when i watch MY shows on MY TV using MY playstation. I can't keep the room at a comfortable temperature because she likes it COLD.
These things normally wouldn't bother me, but lowly what supposed to be my home has become my hell. And our Suite maid has started in on it too.
It shocks me the hate and racism I go through. From being told white people are trashy, to white people are disrespectful.... But the moment you say anything about blacks or koreans [what they are] they will go up in arms and get ******.
If you say anything against them or to them, such as that's ridiculous, or that makes me uncomfortable, they tell me to grow up and deal with it. I can't say a word. I feel powerless, hated, uncomfortable, and honestly, downright fed up!
I mean, not only is this my roommate, but the RA!!!
I guess my real thing here is, what do I do? I feel I've done all I can, and It's not getting me anywhere. On another note, has anyone else ever encountered a similar situation with a roommate? And how did you handle it?
So, I recently started college. Summer classes. I've moved into my temp dorm for the summer and have tried making it my home base. I felt comfortable at first, my roommate is the RA, she seemed nice and sweet... Boy am I getting a punch to the gut now.
Over the past 6 weeks I've lived here, I've been through difficult situations with her. From being told that me being pansexual is a sin, disgusting, and sick, to being told that because I'm white my mom never disciplined me as a child. She hates when i watch MY shows on MY TV using MY playstation. I can't keep the room at a comfortable temperature because she likes it COLD.
These things normally wouldn't bother me, but lowly what supposed to be my home has become my hell. And our Suite maid has started in on it too.
It shocks me the hate and racism I go through. From being told white people are trashy, to white people are disrespectful.... But the moment you say anything about blacks or koreans [what they are] they will go up in arms and get ******.
If you say anything against them or to them, such as that's ridiculous, or that makes me uncomfortable, they tell me to grow up and deal with it. I can't say a word. I feel powerless, hated, uncomfortable, and honestly, downright fed up!
I mean, not only is this my roommate, but the RA!!!
I guess my real thing here is, what do I do? I feel I've done all I can, and It's not getting me anywhere. On another note, has anyone else ever encountered a similar situation with a roommate? And how did you handle it?
Credit: SazzyPants
Yeah. They never used my stuff thankfully (would've snapped if they did) but they were still terrible. They were already high school pals and the fact that I'm white didn't help either. I moved out ASAP.
This the the RA you're dealing with? Good. That means she's accountable, that she answers to someone. Get/record evidence of this abuse and report it to your school's housing office (she's the RA so she needs to be removed; a simple room change won't save you). If they don't cooperate, go to social media. Universities hate getting a bad reputation, and maybe the outside pressure will make them do something. If nothing else, look into moving out somewhere else as soon as you can. You shouldn't have to live with such abusive people.
Yeah. They never used my stuff thankfully (would've snapped if they did) but they were still terrible. They were already high school pals and the fact that I'm white didn't help either. I moved out ASAP.
This the the RA you're dealing with? Good. That means she's accountable, that she answers to someone. Get/record evidence of this abuse and report it to your school's housing office (she's the RA so she needs to be removed; a simple room change won't save you). If they don't cooperate, go to social media. Universities hate getting a bad reputation, and maybe the outside pressure will make them do something. If nothing else, look into moving out somewhere else as soon as you can. You shouldn't have to live with such abusive people.
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Vhaemala whooow, thats a new level of crud to deal with. RAs have someone in charge of them though, yeah? You could call/email that person/people, say that RA has been saying some pretty hurtful things to you and ask them how best to deal with the situation. They should hopefully have some sort of system in place.
My example really won't do any good. I had a rommate who, while a very sweet girl who I have a lot of affection for, had absolutely no ability or willpower to take other people into account. She wanted to rearrange her room, spray half a can of febreeze, and play the kazoo at 3am (in the shared basement with no actual walls)? She just went and did it. I kept thinking my living situation (moved back to mom's basement after college) was going to be a lot more temporary than it ended up being, so I mostly did my best to ignore roomie. Headphones, learned to sleep with my blanket over my head, worked all the hours my job would give me. It was agitating as all get-out, but it also helped motivate me to keep improving my personal situation in order to get the flaming heck out on my own.
For you, contact the RA's supervisor-person, see if they have any system in place for your situation. Worst case: RA's supervisor tells RA about it, RA gets angry and confronts you: Explain that you were feeling super hurt and it didn't seem like they were taking you seriously/listening, so you had to step it up for your own well-being. They flip out? Go back to their super or that person's supervisor. If you feel your current situation is actually dangerous, the college should definitely have a system in place for that.
Alternately: keep your head down, try to ignore them as best you can without being mean, and research your housing options. You mentioned this is a temp dorm for the summer classes, does your college tend to keep roomies together, or do they prefer to shuffle a lot? It may be survivable if you just try to keep out of their way. Find more people to try becoming friends with, find a club, anything to keep you out and also happy at the same time for as much as you can. Its obnoxious, but it's also temporary. Hopefully you'll get a less awful roommate for the fall.
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Vhaemala whooow, thats a new level of crud to deal with. RAs have someone in charge of them though, yeah? You could call/email that person/people, say that RA has been saying some pretty hurtful things to you and ask them how best to deal with the situation. They should hopefully have some sort of system in place.
My example really won't do any good. I had a rommate who, while a very sweet girl who I have a lot of affection for, had absolutely no ability or willpower to take other people into account. She wanted to rearrange her room, spray half a can of febreeze, and play the kazoo at 3am (in the shared basement with no actual walls)? She just went and did it. I kept thinking my living situation (moved back to mom's basement after college) was going to be a lot more temporary than it ended up being, so I mostly did my best to ignore roomie. Headphones, learned to sleep with my blanket over my head, worked all the hours my job would give me. It was agitating as all get-out, but it also helped motivate me to keep improving my personal situation in order to get the flaming heck out on my own.
For you, contact the RA's supervisor-person, see if they have any system in place for your situation. Worst case: RA's supervisor tells RA about it, RA gets angry and confronts you: Explain that you were feeling super hurt and it didn't seem like they were taking you seriously/listening, so you had to step it up for your own well-being. They flip out? Go back to their super or that person's supervisor. If you feel your current situation is actually dangerous, the college should definitely have a system in place for that.
Alternately: keep your head down, try to ignore them as best you can without being mean, and research your housing options. You mentioned this is a temp dorm for the summer classes, does your college tend to keep roomies together, or do they prefer to shuffle a lot? It may be survivable if you just try to keep out of their way. Find more people to try becoming friends with, find a club, anything to keep you out and also happy at the same time for as much as you can. Its obnoxious, but it's also temporary. Hopefully you'll get a less awful roommate for the fall.
Ah, the days of room mates.
I have no advice except request to swap. Dorms are literally the worst and may the gods be with you because it will most likely be a waking nightmare until the day you get your own place.
Ah, the days of room mates.
I have no advice except request to swap. Dorms are literally the worst and may the gods be with you because it will most likely be a waking nightmare until the day you get your own place.
Δ 
Ω
That's terrible, I'm sorry to hear about that. Unfortunately, most RD's cannot do a thing except get you to sign a roommate agreement which does absolutely squat (at least at my school).
I had a friend whose roommate stayed up until 3am playing Xbox....with full volume...with the lights on. All the lights. Apparently they can't play in the dark or something. And he owned knives which he used to cut random things, threatened my friend, and stole from him. RD and RAs did diddly squat. He ended up informally moving into a friend's dorm a few doors down because he couldn't take it anymore.
Another friend of mine had a roommate who invited a homeless man into their home without anyone else's say. Then they started dating. And they were both into heavy stuff and liked to keep doors open if you get my drift. And the girl apparently believed she was a cat. And that her boyfriend was her "owner". She wore a collar with a bell, washed her body once a month, and drank and out of a bowl on the floor. All the time, around them. The worst was her, uh, bathroom arrangements. Because she believed she was a cat, she refused to use a toilet. She had a litterbox in her room. A LITTERBOX. SHE DID HER BUSINESS IN A LITTERBOX. And apparently it stank to the high heavens. Her boyfriend even broke into the house while she wasn't there and my friend was.
Your best bet is keeping your head down, your mouth closed, and try to not be in the room when she is. The semester will be over faster than you think! Stay safe :)
That's terrible, I'm sorry to hear about that. Unfortunately, most RD's cannot do a thing except get you to sign a roommate agreement which does absolutely squat (at least at my school).
I had a friend whose roommate stayed up until 3am playing Xbox....with full volume...with the lights on. All the lights. Apparently they can't play in the dark or something. And he owned knives which he used to cut random things, threatened my friend, and stole from him. RD and RAs did diddly squat. He ended up informally moving into a friend's dorm a few doors down because he couldn't take it anymore.
Another friend of mine had a roommate who invited a homeless man into their home without anyone else's say. Then they started dating. And they were both into heavy stuff and liked to keep doors open if you get my drift. And the girl apparently believed she was a cat. And that her boyfriend was her "owner". She wore a collar with a bell, washed her body once a month, and drank and out of a bowl on the floor. All the time, around them. The worst was her, uh, bathroom arrangements. Because she believed she was a cat, she refused to use a toilet. She had a litterbox in her room. A LITTERBOX. SHE DID HER BUSINESS IN A LITTERBOX. And apparently it stank to the high heavens. Her boyfriend even broke into the house while she wasn't there and my friend was.
Your best bet is keeping your head down, your mouth closed, and try to not be in the room when she is. The semester will be over faster than you think! Stay safe :)
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CaleCorvus I figured I could. There was an incident where someone I hung out with was being disrespectful and hurtful towards me, harrassing me. And she, as the RA was supposed to call security. She didn't until after an hour after I had called. And she made me lie for her. I live with this girl, I have literally no other housing options. I've expressed this already to my therapist and she said to find a way to make peace until I move into my fall dorm [new roommates 3 people instead of 2]
Anyways, I've had nothing but problems with her. It's actually quite ridiculous. My brother was an RA and even an assistant housing director. He told me to report her and never lie to her as she is pretty much the person who lays down the law and is responsible for people in the dorms. This summer there are 6 girls, and all of them hate me. And it's simply because of my different views, and because I like nerdier things. They give me hell for even being on FR!!! It's straight up uncomfortable for me. =\
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Dani94
The second I do this, Ill get it even worse from everyone. I haven't sat down and ate lunch OR dinner in the caff for a month now. Because I know they'll stop and stare, then start the backstabbing. I have no friends here right now, and it's quite depressing. And the second I start crying, I get harassed for that.
I literally feel as if I'm powerless. My brother told me to just ignore them as best I could that summer is a poor sample of college, that it's better during the fall/spring... I hope he's right. My bipolar/depression is through the roof. I have nowhere else to go as my parents have moved to Canada, and my sister isn't someone I get along with even a little. =\
@
Morticia
I hope not. I'm going to be here for at least a couple years...
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Kuhli
Uhm... Oh gawd... Jesus... Christ alive... holy ****... OMG... That is AWFUL! I realize it could be worse but damn.
And I could request a transfer but I get a new roommate for the fall anyhow. But I'm just drained.
I stay up late but keep my lights off. The only thing I do is type, which bugs her. I have to hold in my sneeze because I'm loud and one day she told me "I hope you blow your brain out through your nose for sneezing that loud!"
It's the worst.
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CaleCorvus I figured I could. There was an incident where someone I hung out with was being disrespectful and hurtful towards me, harrassing me. And she, as the RA was supposed to call security. She didn't until after an hour after I had called. And she made me lie for her. I live with this girl, I have literally no other housing options. I've expressed this already to my therapist and she said to find a way to make peace until I move into my fall dorm [new roommates 3 people instead of 2]
Anyways, I've had nothing but problems with her. It's actually quite ridiculous. My brother was an RA and even an assistant housing director. He told me to report her and never lie to her as she is pretty much the person who lays down the law and is responsible for people in the dorms. This summer there are 6 girls, and all of them hate me. And it's simply because of my different views, and because I like nerdier things. They give me hell for even being on FR!!! It's straight up uncomfortable for me. =\
@
Dani94
The second I do this, Ill get it even worse from everyone. I haven't sat down and ate lunch OR dinner in the caff for a month now. Because I know they'll stop and stare, then start the backstabbing. I have no friends here right now, and it's quite depressing. And the second I start crying, I get harassed for that.
I literally feel as if I'm powerless. My brother told me to just ignore them as best I could that summer is a poor sample of college, that it's better during the fall/spring... I hope he's right. My bipolar/depression is through the roof. I have nowhere else to go as my parents have moved to Canada, and my sister isn't someone I get along with even a little. =\
@
Morticia
I hope not. I'm going to be here for at least a couple years...
@
Kuhli
Uhm... Oh gawd... Jesus... Christ alive... holy ****... OMG... That is AWFUL! I realize it could be worse but damn.
And I could request a transfer but I get a new roommate for the fall anyhow. But I'm just drained.
I stay up late but keep my lights off. The only thing I do is type, which bugs her. I have to hold in my sneeze because I'm loud and one day she told me "I hope you blow your brain out through your nose for sneezing that loud!"
It's the worst.
Credit: SazzyPants
If you can't switch rooms, then find a place to go and spend time outside of the dorm. It's your room too and it sucks, I know, but having a safe place to escape to will do you a world of good. Does your school have a LGBT center? Might be worth looking into.
For the TV thing, are headphones an option? Does she get upset when you watch at certain hours, or all the time? This situation could be a simple noise thing, easy enough to resolve.
[quote]It shocks me the hate and racism I go through. From being told white people are trashy, to white people are disrespectful.... But the moment you say anything about blacks or koreans [what they are] they will go up in arms and get ******.[/quote]
If she says something about white people, then you can politely say "That's offensive to me because _____" but do NOT reply with your own list of stereotypes. Fighting fire with fire never does any good.
I don't know, I've had good roommates and bad roommates, but I've found a lot of problems can be solved via communication and compromise. What temp does she like, what temp do you like - okay, now do something in the middle. Ban conversations on certain topics (LGBT stuff, race, etc) - yes, this sucks, but it's a good way to prevent arguments. Don't try to be friends, just focus on coexisting and surviving in a small living space for a few months. Draw boundaries and stick to them.
I also recommend headphones + music, for when you want to hang out in the room and pretend the other person isn't there.
If you can't switch rooms, then find a place to go and spend time outside of the dorm. It's your room too and it sucks, I know, but having a safe place to escape to will do you a world of good. Does your school have a LGBT center? Might be worth looking into.
For the TV thing, are headphones an option? Does she get upset when you watch at certain hours, or all the time? This situation could be a simple noise thing, easy enough to resolve.
Quote:
It shocks me the hate and racism I go through. From being told white people are trashy, to white people are disrespectful.... But the moment you say anything about blacks or koreans [what they are] they will go up in arms and get ******.
If she says something about white people, then you can politely say "That's offensive to me because _____" but do NOT reply with your own list of stereotypes. Fighting fire with fire never does any good.
I don't know, I've had good roommates and bad roommates, but I've found a lot of problems can be solved via communication and compromise. What temp does she like, what temp do you like - okay, now do something in the middle. Ban conversations on certain topics (LGBT stuff, race, etc) - yes, this sucks, but it's a good way to prevent arguments. Don't try to be friends, just focus on coexisting and surviving in a small living space for a few months. Draw boundaries and stick to them.
I also recommend headphones + music, for when you want to hang out in the room and pretend the other person isn't there.
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blaireau
I rarely say anything back to them. I simply try to defend myself. The worst part is, because my mom is white, I fall into the white trash category, when my dad was saudi [middle eatern, asian, technicalities, right?] Point is, they're completely throwing me under the bus.
I've tried to communicate but they aren't willing to listen. The suitemaid isn't even my roommate, but she may as well be. I have said I'm uncomfortable, it doesn't work. they just tell me to take my ***** and shut up.
My music they don't like, but I deal with theirs. My TV shows they don't like, I put up with theirs. I'm past the communication with her...
The TV thing is all the time. I can only watch when she's gone otherwise she calls out suite maid in, they start yelling and screaming and being obnoxious. Then there's no point anymore. So pretty much I can't watch TV. And the second I turn it off she'll blast music. So it's not a noise thing, I assure you.
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blaireau
I rarely say anything back to them. I simply try to defend myself. The worst part is, because my mom is white, I fall into the white trash category, when my dad was saudi [middle eatern, asian, technicalities, right?] Point is, they're completely throwing me under the bus.
I've tried to communicate but they aren't willing to listen. The suitemaid isn't even my roommate, but she may as well be. I have said I'm uncomfortable, it doesn't work. they just tell me to take my ***** and shut up.
My music they don't like, but I deal with theirs. My TV shows they don't like, I put up with theirs. I'm past the communication with her...
The TV thing is all the time. I can only watch when she's gone otherwise she calls out suite maid in, they start yelling and screaming and being obnoxious. Then there's no point anymore. So pretty much I can't watch TV. And the second I turn it off she'll blast music. So it's not a noise thing, I assure you.
Credit: SazzyPants
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Vhaemala Okay, that's a different scenario. I assume she refuses to wear headphones? Normally I'd suggest moving out, but since that isn't an option... man. Definitely find a safe place outside of the dorm. LGBT center, a park, the library, join a club... find something that isn't awful and will help keep you sane.
Also seconding other people's suggestions about reporting her... one of my worst housemates was a former RA who got fired for bad behavior. Anyway - she's an RA, that makes her accountable. At the very least, I hope the report will stay on her record and affect whether she's rehired... I regret not reporting a number of coworkers/housemates for the **** they pulled, I don't know if it would have improved things, but they deserved it.
Looking forward, this is NOT typical of college. Bad roommates happen, yes, but once there are more people, it's easier to find friends through class/clubs/etc. There will be other nerdy people, I mean it's
college for crying out loud. (There's a Doctor Who club on my campus.)
I guess what I'm trying to say is your present situation sucks, but don't expect the rest of college to be like this. It will get better.
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Vhaemala Okay, that's a different scenario. I assume she refuses to wear headphones? Normally I'd suggest moving out, but since that isn't an option... man. Definitely find a safe place outside of the dorm. LGBT center, a park, the library, join a club... find something that isn't awful and will help keep you sane.
Also seconding other people's suggestions about reporting her... one of my worst housemates was a former RA who got fired for bad behavior. Anyway - she's an RA, that makes her accountable. At the very least, I hope the report will stay on her record and affect whether she's rehired... I regret not reporting a number of coworkers/housemates for the **** they pulled, I don't know if it would have improved things, but they deserved it.
Looking forward, this is NOT typical of college. Bad roommates happen, yes, but once there are more people, it's easier to find friends through class/clubs/etc. There will be other nerdy people, I mean it's
college for crying out loud. (There's a Doctor Who club on my campus.)
I guess what I'm trying to say is your present situation sucks, but don't expect the rest of college to be like this. It will get better.
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Blaireau
Oh yes... It is. I've never... ugh. I've never been so stumped on how to handle someone. All my friends back home were 10000000% different but we respected each other. And we could talk, ect, without being upset. And no, she actually uses my bluetooth speaker. I wish there was an LGBT center. I would frequent the **** out of that place. Unfortunately, this is the bible belt... the LGBT center would probably be burned down by the idiots that live around here. Right now it's summer so there's nothing other than classes. But I am trying to find a way to get out more when she's here.
I plan to when she's gone. Otherwise she may just strangle me alive.
I know it's not typical. My next roommate seems much nicer. But I don't know for sure just yet.
I don't at all. But right now I'm pretty much losing it. lol.
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Blaireau
Oh yes... It is. I've never... ugh. I've never been so stumped on how to handle someone. All my friends back home were 10000000% different but we respected each other. And we could talk, ect, without being upset. And no, she actually uses my bluetooth speaker. I wish there was an LGBT center. I would frequent the **** out of that place. Unfortunately, this is the bible belt... the LGBT center would probably be burned down by the idiots that live around here. Right now it's summer so there's nothing other than classes. But I am trying to find a way to get out more when she's here.
I plan to when she's gone. Otherwise she may just strangle me alive.
I know it's not typical. My next roommate seems much nicer. But I don't know for sure just yet.
I don't at all. But right now I'm pretty much losing it. lol.
Credit: SazzyPants
