General Discussion

My weight.

I'm obese and I hate myself for letting it get this bad. I used to be super skinny as a kid, I just wanna go back to those days. I'm trying to diet but it's so difficult, I use eating as a thing for coping with depression, so to suddenly stop is just..... stressful.

the tumblr society gives me death
also someone spilled salt all over my grades

/sighs and shoves my grade report card with bad grades under the rug/ I hate school.

Anxiety...

Being streesed all the time is too much and recently I told my teacher about it and he is extremely concerned about me. My closet friend knows more deep and critical things in my life as well and she is also very concerned.
Alas I have nightmares all the time with my anxiety and lately haven't got the best of sleep.
I always feel as though im lonely even when I know Im not I still have a sense of it. I had a cat and he died 2 months ago and I only had him for a year but he made me feel happy and that I had someone to talk to even though he was a cat (he purred and would just stare at me happily every time I talked)
My mom is planning on getting another cat...but I feel as though it won't like me the same as my old cat did...

1. Ran out of my student loan money until the next disbursement
2. Not sure how I'm going to make my car insurance payment
3. Haven't heard back from any of the 15 jobs I've applied to.. nor the one where people said they were going to pull strings for me
4. My friend keeps asking me to buy her things and gives me sob stories when I tell her I can't. I can't even buy ME things.
5. Friend keeps asking me to do ridiculous things like go to her house and bathe her (***). She has a husband who used to bathe people for work.
6. I tried telling my sister that my doctor diagnosed me with stress-related issues. My bp was 170/110 last time I went and my doctor is changing my meds as a result. My sister said "everyone has stress". Coulda had a stroke but ok.
7. Not really sure how much I can take before I explode and tell everyone the truth about their selves

I was getting ready to go out on a work outing, and got a call from my mom. My cousin has myeloma. They caught it pretty late. It's incredibly hard to treat anyway.

I'm staying home today. I keep thinking of all the times he visited and I was either working or incapable of driving to my mom's to say hello. I keep thinking of the fact that it took cancer for his father to realize that his son is more important than his goddamn dog. It's not fair. It's not right. He's a good person. He never deserved this.

losing a very dear person to me because we had a tocix-ish relationship and now i havent heard from them for a month and i hope theyre not dead

random anxiety for seemingly no reason. i am ok and i am safe but i keep panicking. i have this feeling of dread, like something very bad is going to happen. but if i slow down and think "what bad thing is going to happen?" i don't actually know. it feels very much like being stuck. i guess i can only wait for it to pass.