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Accessibility is my jam! also a few fewer anxiety attacks bc of the 'fun' leisure activity

I've abandoned sites for lesser social missteps when i was younger. it sucked. i would hate for FR to become a stress sewer if it could be avoided

@AnotherUser I have a few thoughts to toss your way. [i]from most practical to most conceptual aka I'm sorry for the wall of text but i know a lot of things and here have some of them [/i] [quote=In Summary] Unsolicited Friend Request Received. [s]0. Take a few breaths, and maybe a sip of water. U got this.[/s] 1. Make a note of the username. 2a. Decline friend request. [indent]2b. Remove friend (if the request was previously accepted)[/indent] 3. Open a new message. 4. Paste Username into TO: 5. Fill out SUBJECT: with 'Small social circle' or another prepared subject. Once you have one you are satisfied with, you should stick to it! The less you're making up as you go while distressed, the better. 6. Paste prepared explanation memo into MESSAGE: 7. Send. [s]8. Give yourself a hug. Or a cookie. Or a break. SELF CARE IS KEYYYYY [/s] [/quote] [b]Thought:[/b] On a practical level, here is a what-to-do. Write (and save) a brief message-- I am happy to [s]help you draft one[/s] offer the draft below. Feel free to use it as-is, or edit the scales off it. I'd like that last paragraph to stick around if possible ;) Once you have the message text, use it as a general reply to unsolicited friend requests. That way, you may decline the friend request (or unfriend the person) and follow it up with the message. You don't actually have to figure out WRITING the message each time, which at least in my experience makes the whole event a wee less stressful. You aren't intending to be mean, or rude, or offensive, and you don't have to figure out how to say that on the fly. [quote=here comes a thought] Hi, You recently sent me a friend request. That's really sweet of you, and I appreciate your intention. I have declined the friend request, and wanted to let you know why. I experience a lot of social anxiety, and trying to navigate new people interactions are high-stress for me. I feel like when I receive a friend request that I HAVE to accept it, or else I'll be hurting the person who sent it. I'm scared of being perceived as 'mean', or 'rude', and I really don't want to make anyone else sad or angry or confused. In the end, I've decided to keep my friend list short. Flight Rising is a really fun site, and part of it staying fun for me is sticking to friends I'm ready for. Thank you for listening. And thank you for understanding. A friend* helped me write this message, to express myself despite my distress. If you, or someone else you know, could make use of it, please feel free to grab is to use too!! I just ask that you leave this last paragraph intact. [indent] *UserID 98489[/indent] [/quote] [b]Thought:[/b] It's worth keeping in mind the other player's perspective. Remember, they're just a nerd playing this silly and great game about dragon dress up. there aren't any stakes, and there aren't any external consequences. they almost definitely don't actually WANT anything of you. their thought process almost certainly was something like, hey, this person looks ~nebulously person shaped~ and I am minorly interested in them. humans become fond/gentley invested or interested in things veeeeery easily. See all the memes about humans in space* they are almost definitely NOT thinking, oh man this person is gonna be my new high school era BFF/left arm, this is super important and if they dont respond in kind i will be spurned/outraged/despairing/even a little miffed. [b]Thought:[/b] Social interaction can be SUPER SCARY, especially if the primary emotion associated with social interaction is fear/anxiety/distress. social interaction- even super casual ones- is supposed to elicit a reward/success response, bc humans are such social mammals and social connection is a huge part of survivability. in theory it works like that, but we've been socialized** really really poorly, which means that we don't have skills and models to make social contact easy. we dont know what to do and get overwhelmed and stressed!! that becomes a self-enforcing cycle, as social = stress over and over again, and stress = danger = fear of unknown. basically it turns off the brains ability to try new things, take (low impact) risks, problemsolve, puzzle things out, LEARN. LEARNING IS OUR WHOLE SHTICK !! the worst part is, social connection is the best tool for overcoming stress for humans. [b]Thought:[/b] basically what i'm trying to say is, ur brain is trying really really hard to keep u safe, but fundamentally society left us with a debuff to BEING OKAY [quote=footnotes bc my best friend is an academic and a nerd] * [url=https://imgur.com/gallery/S82QF]We Love Pets And Need Scritches[/url] ** I'm using socialization in the animal care sense. aka, u expose an animal kiddo to as variety of settings in a unstressed way while it's still figuring what 'normal' looks like. this gives the pup a range of experiences to form its baseline, unstressed environment, and makes the pup not only more confident in those settings, but gives it an overall resiliency and ease in new settings overall. new things = interesting but not a Big Deal (tm). humans might not be puppies but we're both social mammals and the core concepts are cross-species [/quote]

@SheofSilence

I think you just saved this anti-social hermit's life. Thank you SO much!

@AnotherUser I got u ;)

I'm a spoonie with c-ptsd and my primary uncertainty response is to frantically research the beep out of the uncertainty. And if I can use it to make someone else's life a bit smoother, that's two victories in one!

I JUST WANNA HELP EVERYONE BE OK
T^T

edit-- I am happy to keep chatting, but also know that ping-response-chains can be a social TRAP so basically I am stating for the record that I have said all I need to say and that no response is needed on my behalf <3

@SheofSilence

Ok, the chain will end here, I just wanted to say thank you again. Bye!

Yes please! I've clicked Friend instead of Message on people's profiles before and it was always very awkward...

Support!
Even if someone doesn't want a confirmation (but I do), perhaps just move the friend request button so it's not right above the page button? Or just move all the buttons elsewhere, so they're not that close? My fat thumbs have clicked on almost all of them, and almost solely on mobile (out when I decide to use my tablet pen as a mouse while I'm checking things while working on art)

support

definite support from me, 100%

It's very awkward when it happens so yes!