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TOPIC | Toxic friends?
@DrValentina
It's also that way, huh...
I've tried a few times staying alone, and, to me, it can't hurt when you do that from time to time. :3
Sometimes, your best friend is yourself! ^w^
It's also that way, huh...
I've tried a few times staying alone, and, to me, it can't hurt when you do that from time to time. :3
Sometimes, your best friend is yourself! ^w^
@DrValentina
It's also that way, huh...
I've tried a few times staying alone, and, to me, it can't hurt when you do that from time to time. :3
Sometimes, your best friend is yourself! ^w^
It's also that way, huh...
I've tried a few times staying alone, and, to me, it can't hurt when you do that from time to time. :3
Sometimes, your best friend is yourself! ^w^
@MrPuffin
THAT'S WHAT MY MOM SAYS.
I wish my dear little Frodo was here, he makes everything better.
THAT'S WHAT MY MOM SAYS.
I wish my dear little Frodo was here, he makes everything better.
@MrPuffin
THAT'S WHAT MY MOM SAYS.
I wish my dear little Frodo was here, he makes everything better.
THAT'S WHAT MY MOM SAYS.
I wish my dear little Frodo was here, he makes everything better.
@DrValentina Just popping in to say I sympathise - I have a friend a lot like this and it is tough! To make matters worse I'm meant to be a bridesmaid for her wedding next year, I can't back out of it now but she is already being terrifying about it!
I don't have any advice to offer - what everyone else has said is good - I just wanted to rant and commiserate ^^
I don't have any advice to offer - what everyone else has said is good - I just wanted to rant and commiserate ^^
@DrValentina Just popping in to say I sympathise - I have a friend a lot like this and it is tough! To make matters worse I'm meant to be a bridesmaid for her wedding next year, I can't back out of it now but she is already being terrifying about it!
I don't have any advice to offer - what everyone else has said is good - I just wanted to rant and commiserate ^^
I don't have any advice to offer - what everyone else has said is good - I just wanted to rant and commiserate ^^
[quote name="DrValentina" date=2015-05-18 13:13:06]
@MrPuffin
Same here. Besides her, I only have one other friend, and loneliness hurts, it really does. That's why I talk to people online.
[/quote]
[center]Do [b]not[/b] allow the intimidation of being 'alone' sway your choices. Being alone verses being in a toxic friendship is a no brainy- being alone wins.
Also, your 'friend' may try to pressure you into staying in contact with her. It is your choice to cut cold turkey or give her an explanation as to why you have (or will or what ever) to remove her from your life. It is not her right in any way shape or form. She has no control over you.[/center]
DrValentina wrote on 2015-05-18:
@MrPuffin
Same here. Besides her, I only have one other friend, and loneliness hurts, it really does. That's why I talk to people online.
Same here. Besides her, I only have one other friend, and loneliness hurts, it really does. That's why I talk to people online.
Do not allow the intimidation of being 'alone' sway your choices. Being alone verses being in a toxic friendship is a no brainy- being alone wins.
Also, your 'friend' may try to pressure you into staying in contact with her. It is your choice to cut cold turkey or give her an explanation as to why you have (or will or what ever) to remove her from your life. It is not her right in any way shape or form. She has no control over you.
Also, your 'friend' may try to pressure you into staying in contact with her. It is your choice to cut cold turkey or give her an explanation as to why you have (or will or what ever) to remove her from your life. It is not her right in any way shape or form. She has no control over you.
@DrValentina
Oh god yes. I currently am breaking off with some of these types.
Honestly, you should just state how annoying this is to you, because if you don't soon-- prepare for a lifetime of having to put up with that kind of treatment. This is what happened to me in grades 6-8. Ech.
:U
Oh god yes. I currently am breaking off with some of these types.
Honestly, you should just state how annoying this is to you, because if you don't soon-- prepare for a lifetime of having to put up with that kind of treatment. This is what happened to me in grades 6-8. Ech.
:U
@DrValentina
Oh god yes. I currently am breaking off with some of these types.
Honestly, you should just state how annoying this is to you, because if you don't soon-- prepare for a lifetime of having to put up with that kind of treatment. This is what happened to me in grades 6-8. Ech.
:U
Oh god yes. I currently am breaking off with some of these types.
Honestly, you should just state how annoying this is to you, because if you don't soon-- prepare for a lifetime of having to put up with that kind of treatment. This is what happened to me in grades 6-8. Ech.
:U
I have had friends like this. One was really annoying, attention-seeking and it was always depression this, depression that. STOP. You're making everyone feel bad, too.
I have had friends like this. One was really annoying, attention-seeking and it was always depression this, depression that. STOP. You're making everyone feel bad, too.
@Safikei
I agree that there's usually an underlying reason, but there's also a point where some people just don't want to be helped, and they latch onto the lives of others just to feel some semblance of better-ness.
I had a friend who was going through some legitimate stuff, but when I attempted to help her she brushed me off, told me I was nuts, and then continued her bad, demoralizing behavior. I found out later that she was using me as a stepping stool, essentially. She put me down and talked about me to make herself feel like she was better than me. I wasn't her friend, in her eyes, I was the girl she could be better than and flaunt it in front of others. Despite my attempts to help her she was so convinced that I was beneath her she wouldn't listen to me.
This actually happened twice to me, with two different people. In my efforts to help them all I really did was damage myself. Eventually I had to say enough is enough and toss them both out of my life. Rather than accept my help, all they wanted was to make me feel worse than them. They were subtle about it, but that just made it carry on longer.
On the flip side, I had another friend who wasn't a fantastic friend, but she never tried to purposefully hurt me. She suffered with depression and BPD, and needed a lot of support, maybe more than I had in me. That didn't stop me from trying though; she genuinely loved me and our friendship. We were like sisters. Some people called our relationship toxic, but it wasn't. She needed genuine help, and I was actually able to give it to her because she accepted it.
So I do think there is a genuine difference between toxic and cries for help. Not knowing both sides, I can't judge other people's experiences, but I do think that sometimes it is better to cut people out, no matter what they're dealing with, if their only coping mechanism is to bully those around them.
I agree that there's usually an underlying reason, but there's also a point where some people just don't want to be helped, and they latch onto the lives of others just to feel some semblance of better-ness.
I had a friend who was going through some legitimate stuff, but when I attempted to help her she brushed me off, told me I was nuts, and then continued her bad, demoralizing behavior. I found out later that she was using me as a stepping stool, essentially. She put me down and talked about me to make herself feel like she was better than me. I wasn't her friend, in her eyes, I was the girl she could be better than and flaunt it in front of others. Despite my attempts to help her she was so convinced that I was beneath her she wouldn't listen to me.
This actually happened twice to me, with two different people. In my efforts to help them all I really did was damage myself. Eventually I had to say enough is enough and toss them both out of my life. Rather than accept my help, all they wanted was to make me feel worse than them. They were subtle about it, but that just made it carry on longer.
On the flip side, I had another friend who wasn't a fantastic friend, but she never tried to purposefully hurt me. She suffered with depression and BPD, and needed a lot of support, maybe more than I had in me. That didn't stop me from trying though; she genuinely loved me and our friendship. We were like sisters. Some people called our relationship toxic, but it wasn't. She needed genuine help, and I was actually able to give it to her because she accepted it.
So I do think there is a genuine difference between toxic and cries for help. Not knowing both sides, I can't judge other people's experiences, but I do think that sometimes it is better to cut people out, no matter what they're dealing with, if their only coping mechanism is to bully those around them.
@Safikei
I agree that there's usually an underlying reason, but there's also a point where some people just don't want to be helped, and they latch onto the lives of others just to feel some semblance of better-ness.
I had a friend who was going through some legitimate stuff, but when I attempted to help her she brushed me off, told me I was nuts, and then continued her bad, demoralizing behavior. I found out later that she was using me as a stepping stool, essentially. She put me down and talked about me to make herself feel like she was better than me. I wasn't her friend, in her eyes, I was the girl she could be better than and flaunt it in front of others. Despite my attempts to help her she was so convinced that I was beneath her she wouldn't listen to me.
This actually happened twice to me, with two different people. In my efforts to help them all I really did was damage myself. Eventually I had to say enough is enough and toss them both out of my life. Rather than accept my help, all they wanted was to make me feel worse than them. They were subtle about it, but that just made it carry on longer.
On the flip side, I had another friend who wasn't a fantastic friend, but she never tried to purposefully hurt me. She suffered with depression and BPD, and needed a lot of support, maybe more than I had in me. That didn't stop me from trying though; she genuinely loved me and our friendship. We were like sisters. Some people called our relationship toxic, but it wasn't. She needed genuine help, and I was actually able to give it to her because she accepted it.
So I do think there is a genuine difference between toxic and cries for help. Not knowing both sides, I can't judge other people's experiences, but I do think that sometimes it is better to cut people out, no matter what they're dealing with, if their only coping mechanism is to bully those around them.
I agree that there's usually an underlying reason, but there's also a point where some people just don't want to be helped, and they latch onto the lives of others just to feel some semblance of better-ness.
I had a friend who was going through some legitimate stuff, but when I attempted to help her she brushed me off, told me I was nuts, and then continued her bad, demoralizing behavior. I found out later that she was using me as a stepping stool, essentially. She put me down and talked about me to make herself feel like she was better than me. I wasn't her friend, in her eyes, I was the girl she could be better than and flaunt it in front of others. Despite my attempts to help her she was so convinced that I was beneath her she wouldn't listen to me.
This actually happened twice to me, with two different people. In my efforts to help them all I really did was damage myself. Eventually I had to say enough is enough and toss them both out of my life. Rather than accept my help, all they wanted was to make me feel worse than them. They were subtle about it, but that just made it carry on longer.
On the flip side, I had another friend who wasn't a fantastic friend, but she never tried to purposefully hurt me. She suffered with depression and BPD, and needed a lot of support, maybe more than I had in me. That didn't stop me from trying though; she genuinely loved me and our friendship. We were like sisters. Some people called our relationship toxic, but it wasn't. She needed genuine help, and I was actually able to give it to her because she accepted it.
So I do think there is a genuine difference between toxic and cries for help. Not knowing both sides, I can't judge other people's experiences, but I do think that sometimes it is better to cut people out, no matter what they're dealing with, if their only coping mechanism is to bully those around them.
