Flight Rising Discussion

Hi there, Flight Rising.

I'm not actually sure why I'm making this forum post or what kind of response I expect, but I guess I need to... vent? Or maybe apologise before becoming forum active again. I don't know.

Anyway. Here's the thing.

I love FR. Been here for, what, soon 6 years now? (Yikes, time flies...) And I've never gotten bored. Sometimes life has been a bit too busy and I've scaled back on how active I am, but I've never just... left. There's always something to do, and FR is a nice place to relax and unwind from the stressors out in the wide world.

I have, on the other hand, fled.

Because I am a somewhat anxious introvert. And I love people. And FR's community is so warm and lovely that I just get to talking with a random stranger about pixel dragons or nothing in particular at all, and it makes me happy.

So I've been through several cycles of:

1. Meet someone new due to random reason
   
2. Start talking about that thing
   
3. Receive/send + accept friend request
   
4. Start talking about other things
   
5. Write smaller essays back and forth about all kinds of things, maybe share a couple of fairly anonymous IRL details, because it feels like we're really getting close and can trust each other
   
6. Start to reply slower and slower, because those PMs are pretty long by now and I need to actively put aside time to write back
   
7. Encounter something IRL that stresses me out/makes me anxious/needs my attention
   
8. Not reply for ages
   
9. Get anxiety about not having replied (and perhaps send a short apology message)
   
10. Not feed my dragons to look like I'm not active
    
11. Stop visiting FR for a while so that I don't have to think about the abandoned message(s)
    
12. Give up on ever replying and accepting my guilty conscience as something I'll have to live with
    
13. Start being active on FR again
    
14. Forget the message and what we even talked about, just having guilty pangs of anxiety every time I notice my friend list (which is full of people I've abandoned, oh Lightweaver)
    
15. Start to feel restless and like I want to be more involved in the site
    
16. Restart the whole miserable cycle from step 1.
    

It's... not the best habit to have. I have on several occasions thought about not ever starting PM conversations again and maybe staying away from the forums for forever, too, but... again, I love FR. I love this community. I don't actually want to shut myself off from it. From you.

So here I am again, cautiously starting the cycle over again and hoping I can manage it better this time around.

Hi, all new people.

Hi again, everyone who has seen me around before.

I apologise sincerely for my past behaviour. If I have ever hurt you, know that I didn't mean to, and that I am deeply sorry. If I ever suddenly shut down in the future and abandon you, know that it is not your fault.

I sadly cannot promise it won't happen, but I promise to try.

It'll be nice talking to you all again. I've missed you. Do any of you have similar issues? Something else you feel like you need to vent about? Or maybe a project or two that you're working on right now that you'd like to talk about? A particular dragon, piece of lore or stroke of good luck that you'd like to gush or brag about?

I'll probably head off to bed soon, but I'd love to chat for a bit and can always answer tomorrow, if nothing else. I'll have the thread followed :)

I hope you're all safe and happy and are taking care of yourselves and your loved ones in these trying times.

Love,
Outpost



P.S. Sorry for the long and rambling post. TL;DR is that I'm an Unreliable Cryptid sometimes, I'm sorry for it and I would like to chat about whatever catches your fancy :)

I'm not one of the people who's talked to you, but I read the whole post anyway. I don't really have much to say, but the good thing is that you're trying c: it's easy (or not really easy but it can be burdening) to just abandon something because you feel horrible about how you've been treating people, but it shows you really care about the connections you've made by reaching out to everyone like this ^^ hope you enjoy getting back into the swing of things!

@Boosco

Thanks <3 That was pretty much my inner peptalk to myself while writing the post: I just have to try. It's really relieving to have support from the outside, too, though <3

It'll be fun to dive back into the forums - I think I'll warm up by hanging out in Dragon Share this coming week. And maybe by doing some lurking here in FRD. (Other than this thread, of course!)

TIL @Outpost is my spirit animal.

@Outpost

I was kinda like that till I started PM on discord .. I talk to my best FR friends there its smaller constant conversation .. not the essay so makes it easy.

That way you can even chat when you do not have time for FR

@TwoJay
I live to serve ;) Glad I'm not alone!

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@Heeroku
Oh, that might be an idea! Thanks for the tip! ^^ I'll look into it next time I find myself getting attached to someone :) Ah, and isn't there a discord group floating around FRD? And I think I've seen one for the Light Flight as well. Something to investigate once I feel a bit braver!

Eep. Are you me? Gods, I have so many people to reply to on deviantART that I've been straight up ignoring for the past 8 months.

I do this more often than I'd like to admit; we're all learning. What matters most is that we try again, in my opinion. Just like anything else, managing social engagements takes practice! ^^

I definitely think you should try a discord server! I’m still awful at keeping up conversations over PM but it’s easier on discord where other people can also join in the discussion

@Zavyt
I don't... think so? I mean, you have some gorgeous dragons that I wouldn't mind in my lair, and we seem to share some mythological interest, but I think I would remember if I had started a second account in Water and replied to my own thread ;P I feel you, though. Hang in there!

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@Orodruin
Wise words <3 We'll just have to keep practising, then! I've managed the fine art of adulting in other areas of my life: I should be able to manage this, too. Eventually.

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@ShekMal
That does sound like less stress, yes. I'd be able to lurk until I want to say something and just enjoy the virtual company... sounds lovely, actually <3