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Dragon Share
Show off your favorite dragons.
TOPIC | Free Lore Analysis [Busy]
Reminder: Please look over my thread rules before posting. Thank you!
Reminder: Please look over my thread rules before posting. Thank you!
[url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/58048282][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/580483/58048282_350.png[/img][/url]
If you have the time, I'd love some feedback on my girl ismai's lore. She's one half of a breeding pair for my subspecies project, centered around ancient statues coming to life!
If you have the time, I'd love some feedback on my girl ismai's lore. She's one half of a breeding pair for my subspecies project, centered around ancient statues coming to life!
I'm cleaning up my lair, no hatchery projects atm!
If you want to, could you look over my boy Derecho? He's my first elemental dragon, and I messed around quite a bit to mold him into something a bit off the beaten path. [url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/58755008][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/587551/58755008_350.png[/img][/url]
If you want to, could you look over my boy Derecho? He's my first elemental dragon, and I messed around quite a bit to mold him into something a bit off the beaten path. 
| they/them and xe/xem/xir |
@Esmara
I am sorry but I will not be writing a review for this dragon. Inanimate objects coming to life just isn't my cup of tea. I wish you the best for your subspecies project.
I am sorry but I will not be writing a review for this dragon. Inanimate objects coming to life just isn't my cup of tea. I wish you the best for your subspecies project.
@Esmara
I am sorry but I will not be writing a review for this dragon. Inanimate objects coming to life just isn't my cup of tea. I wish you the best for your subspecies project.
I am sorry but I will not be writing a review for this dragon. Inanimate objects coming to life just isn't my cup of tea. I wish you the best for your subspecies project.
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@ZamboZombii
I am sorry but I will not be writing a full review for Derecho because there isn't very much content. I find myself falling back onto this question that I usually ask myself when I'm developing lore.
What is it about my character that I love?
I want to ask you... is Derecho being a heretic the only thing that you love about him? Because right now his lore is only highlighting that one aspect which makes him an extremely flat character. There isn't any motivation and no indication of his personality beyond his disdain for the Sornieth Gods. I find it difficult as the reader to even become interested in such a hateful little creature.
My advice is to explore Derecho's character deeper. He needs to have more charisma or something appealing about him to make it plausible that he is a leader of some group.
I am sorry but I will not be writing a full review for Derecho because there isn't very much content. I find myself falling back onto this question that I usually ask myself when I'm developing lore.
What is it about my character that I love?
I want to ask you... is Derecho being a heretic the only thing that you love about him? Because right now his lore is only highlighting that one aspect which makes him an extremely flat character. There isn't any motivation and no indication of his personality beyond his disdain for the Sornieth Gods. I find it difficult as the reader to even become interested in such a hateful little creature.
My advice is to explore Derecho's character deeper. He needs to have more charisma or something appealing about him to make it plausible that he is a leader of some group.
@ZamboZombii
I am sorry but I will not be writing a full review for Derecho because there isn't very much content. I find myself falling back onto this question that I usually ask myself when I'm developing lore.
What is it about my character that I love?
I want to ask you... is Derecho being a heretic the only thing that you love about him? Because right now his lore is only highlighting that one aspect which makes him an extremely flat character. There isn't any motivation and no indication of his personality beyond his disdain for the Sornieth Gods. I find it difficult as the reader to even become interested in such a hateful little creature.
My advice is to explore Derecho's character deeper. He needs to have more charisma or something appealing about him to make it plausible that he is a leader of some group.
I am sorry but I will not be writing a full review for Derecho because there isn't very much content. I find myself falling back onto this question that I usually ask myself when I'm developing lore.
What is it about my character that I love?
I want to ask you... is Derecho being a heretic the only thing that you love about him? Because right now his lore is only highlighting that one aspect which makes him an extremely flat character. There isn't any motivation and no indication of his personality beyond his disdain for the Sornieth Gods. I find it difficult as the reader to even become interested in such a hateful little creature.
My advice is to explore Derecho's character deeper. He needs to have more charisma or something appealing about him to make it plausible that he is a leader of some group.
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Heh, it's been months so you probably could have not bothered with pinging me and I never would have noticed. Thanks for letting me know though.
You mind if I ask why, though?
(EDIT obviously it's fine if you just didn't want to, I'm just curious if there was an issue like "not enough character" I could ponder when I work on his bio in the future)
You mind if I ask why, though?
(EDIT obviously it's fine if you just didn't want to, I'm just curious if there was an issue like "not enough character" I could ponder when I work on his bio in the future)
Heh, it's been months so you probably could have not bothered with pinging me and I never would have noticed. Thanks for letting me know though.
You mind if I ask why, though?
(EDIT obviously it's fine if you just didn't want to, I'm just curious if there was an issue like "not enough character" I could ponder when I work on his bio in the future)
You mind if I ask why, though?
(EDIT obviously it's fine if you just didn't want to, I'm just curious if there was an issue like "not enough character" I could ponder when I work on his bio in the future)
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Almedha | share project Fandragons Lore Starts Here (WIP) I collect Pulsing Relics! |
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@Almedha
I don't mind at all if you ask why. It is perfectly valid to want to know.
I believe the primary reason is Skjold and how the narrative is told more from his perspective. I understand wanting to use a point of view that is interesting to try and showcase a character but I do not feel like Skjold was the dragon for the job. He is a little too detached from his son so that was the immediate deterrent for me. I mean, if his own dad doesn't care about him beyond some coerced sense of duty rather than genuine paternal affection, then why should I care as the reader?
I think really hammering out the family/clan/group dynamics, embellishing Chenek's qualities to make him more relatable to the reader, and identifying a solid point of view to go off of will make the piece stronger. Hopefully that will give you some good food for thought.
I don't mind at all if you ask why. It is perfectly valid to want to know.
I believe the primary reason is Skjold and how the narrative is told more from his perspective. I understand wanting to use a point of view that is interesting to try and showcase a character but I do not feel like Skjold was the dragon for the job. He is a little too detached from his son so that was the immediate deterrent for me. I mean, if his own dad doesn't care about him beyond some coerced sense of duty rather than genuine paternal affection, then why should I care as the reader?
I think really hammering out the family/clan/group dynamics, embellishing Chenek's qualities to make him more relatable to the reader, and identifying a solid point of view to go off of will make the piece stronger. Hopefully that will give you some good food for thought.
@Almedha
I don't mind at all if you ask why. It is perfectly valid to want to know.
I believe the primary reason is Skjold and how the narrative is told more from his perspective. I understand wanting to use a point of view that is interesting to try and showcase a character but I do not feel like Skjold was the dragon for the job. He is a little too detached from his son so that was the immediate deterrent for me. I mean, if his own dad doesn't care about him beyond some coerced sense of duty rather than genuine paternal affection, then why should I care as the reader?
I think really hammering out the family/clan/group dynamics, embellishing Chenek's qualities to make him more relatable to the reader, and identifying a solid point of view to go off of will make the piece stronger. Hopefully that will give you some good food for thought.
I don't mind at all if you ask why. It is perfectly valid to want to know.
I believe the primary reason is Skjold and how the narrative is told more from his perspective. I understand wanting to use a point of view that is interesting to try and showcase a character but I do not feel like Skjold was the dragon for the job. He is a little too detached from his son so that was the immediate deterrent for me. I mean, if his own dad doesn't care about him beyond some coerced sense of duty rather than genuine paternal affection, then why should I care as the reader?
I think really hammering out the family/clan/group dynamics, embellishing Chenek's qualities to make him more relatable to the reader, and identifying a solid point of view to go off of will make the piece stronger. Hopefully that will give you some good food for thought.
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[center]Since every other dragon in my lair's Lore is (going to be) based around my OG Progen, Djorgo, I figured if you're still doing this you could maybe look over him? This is really cool of you to do, and I need some brutal honesty since I may be a bit bias considering how much I worked on it. I appreciate your consideration dude!
[url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/38782685][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/387827/38782685_350.png[/img][/url][/center]
Since every other dragon in my lair's Lore is (going to be) based around my OG Progen, Djorgo, I figured if you're still doing this you could maybe look over him? This is really cool of you to do, and I need some brutal honesty since I may be a bit bias considering how much I worked on it. I appreciate your consideration dude!
@kaijuju
Not a dude, but alright. Let me see what I've got. I may be a little rusty since I haven't touched this thread in a long while. So I apologize beforehand if my thoughts aren't all that coherent. If you need clarification, just ask.
I prefer to start off my reviews with elements that I like about the lore. Personally I adore older characters taking leadership, or at least some sort of advisor, roles. It is a more natural relationship between characters that establishes clan unity. The young should seek out their elders for advice and through doing so, knowledge and tradition is passed down. Plus, I think there are a lot of people out there that adore Uncle Iroh and the role he served in Avatar. He is an excellent model to derive inspiration from because he has all of his knowledge justified through his past experiences. So by having Djorgo portrayed as a seasoned veteran courier, with the scars to back it up, it really sells the knowledgeable aspect of him.
Normally I would call for a more active narrative in the lore however because of Djorgo's future role in being the rock of the clan, he needs to be the most established and storied. His actions should be clearly described and how he impacts others highlighted with links to those dragons' bios. So that might be something to consider moving forward.
Unfortunately I do have two main gripes. One is based on the visual delivery (and definitely personal bias) and the other is more on the lore building side. I will start with the visual. As a D&D player myself, I understand the appeal of Mibella's pirate-esque bio template but as an author I downright hate it. The template really restricts the creativity of the bio and overpowers the information contained by breaking it up too much. It also relies on the reader knowing about D&D and understanding the flow of a character profile from that game. The visuals are nice but it truly robs the words of their importance. My advice for this is to find a bio template that is a little more minimalist because that will still give you the organization you want but it won't compete with the words of your bio. This particular template also does not have a natural place to include fan art or written works of the dragon.
My other gripe is the trivia at the bottom of the bio. While I am tickled by the mention of Uncle Iroh, I think it robs Djorgo of being his own character. It creates expectations within the reader so it will be jarring if Djorgo deviates from that perception. Including the inspiration for a character is more for the author's benefit for character construction and really should not be included in a final bio. I'm not really calling for the complete removal of a trivia section but at least trimming it down so that character construction elements aren't included. An alternative would be changing that section from just trivia to something like Author's Notes, that way the reader knows the section is more "behind the scenes" and will expect information that is more along the lines of character construction. Labels are helpful after all.
Overall I think you have a great groundwork to build your clan lore off of. Djorgo's background story is a nice length so I believe that it would appeal to a wide audience range. It will be a lot of fun to watch how Searchlight evolves and what kind of tension will be found in the lore of this melting pot clan.
Not a dude, but alright. Let me see what I've got. I may be a little rusty since I haven't touched this thread in a long while. So I apologize beforehand if my thoughts aren't all that coherent. If you need clarification, just ask.
I prefer to start off my reviews with elements that I like about the lore. Personally I adore older characters taking leadership, or at least some sort of advisor, roles. It is a more natural relationship between characters that establishes clan unity. The young should seek out their elders for advice and through doing so, knowledge and tradition is passed down. Plus, I think there are a lot of people out there that adore Uncle Iroh and the role he served in Avatar. He is an excellent model to derive inspiration from because he has all of his knowledge justified through his past experiences. So by having Djorgo portrayed as a seasoned veteran courier, with the scars to back it up, it really sells the knowledgeable aspect of him.
Normally I would call for a more active narrative in the lore however because of Djorgo's future role in being the rock of the clan, he needs to be the most established and storied. His actions should be clearly described and how he impacts others highlighted with links to those dragons' bios. So that might be something to consider moving forward.
Unfortunately I do have two main gripes. One is based on the visual delivery (and definitely personal bias) and the other is more on the lore building side. I will start with the visual. As a D&D player myself, I understand the appeal of Mibella's pirate-esque bio template but as an author I downright hate it. The template really restricts the creativity of the bio and overpowers the information contained by breaking it up too much. It also relies on the reader knowing about D&D and understanding the flow of a character profile from that game. The visuals are nice but it truly robs the words of their importance. My advice for this is to find a bio template that is a little more minimalist because that will still give you the organization you want but it won't compete with the words of your bio. This particular template also does not have a natural place to include fan art or written works of the dragon.
My other gripe is the trivia at the bottom of the bio. While I am tickled by the mention of Uncle Iroh, I think it robs Djorgo of being his own character. It creates expectations within the reader so it will be jarring if Djorgo deviates from that perception. Including the inspiration for a character is more for the author's benefit for character construction and really should not be included in a final bio. I'm not really calling for the complete removal of a trivia section but at least trimming it down so that character construction elements aren't included. An alternative would be changing that section from just trivia to something like Author's Notes, that way the reader knows the section is more "behind the scenes" and will expect information that is more along the lines of character construction. Labels are helpful after all.
Overall I think you have a great groundwork to build your clan lore off of. Djorgo's background story is a nice length so I believe that it would appeal to a wide audience range. It will be a lot of fun to watch how Searchlight evolves and what kind of tension will be found in the lore of this melting pot clan.
@kaijuju
Not a dude, but alright. Let me see what I've got. I may be a little rusty since I haven't touched this thread in a long while. So I apologize beforehand if my thoughts aren't all that coherent. If you need clarification, just ask.
I prefer to start off my reviews with elements that I like about the lore. Personally I adore older characters taking leadership, or at least some sort of advisor, roles. It is a more natural relationship between characters that establishes clan unity. The young should seek out their elders for advice and through doing so, knowledge and tradition is passed down. Plus, I think there are a lot of people out there that adore Uncle Iroh and the role he served in Avatar. He is an excellent model to derive inspiration from because he has all of his knowledge justified through his past experiences. So by having Djorgo portrayed as a seasoned veteran courier, with the scars to back it up, it really sells the knowledgeable aspect of him.
Normally I would call for a more active narrative in the lore however because of Djorgo's future role in being the rock of the clan, he needs to be the most established and storied. His actions should be clearly described and how he impacts others highlighted with links to those dragons' bios. So that might be something to consider moving forward.
Unfortunately I do have two main gripes. One is based on the visual delivery (and definitely personal bias) and the other is more on the lore building side. I will start with the visual. As a D&D player myself, I understand the appeal of Mibella's pirate-esque bio template but as an author I downright hate it. The template really restricts the creativity of the bio and overpowers the information contained by breaking it up too much. It also relies on the reader knowing about D&D and understanding the flow of a character profile from that game. The visuals are nice but it truly robs the words of their importance. My advice for this is to find a bio template that is a little more minimalist because that will still give you the organization you want but it won't compete with the words of your bio. This particular template also does not have a natural place to include fan art or written works of the dragon.
My other gripe is the trivia at the bottom of the bio. While I am tickled by the mention of Uncle Iroh, I think it robs Djorgo of being his own character. It creates expectations within the reader so it will be jarring if Djorgo deviates from that perception. Including the inspiration for a character is more for the author's benefit for character construction and really should not be included in a final bio. I'm not really calling for the complete removal of a trivia section but at least trimming it down so that character construction elements aren't included. An alternative would be changing that section from just trivia to something like Author's Notes, that way the reader knows the section is more "behind the scenes" and will expect information that is more along the lines of character construction. Labels are helpful after all.
Overall I think you have a great groundwork to build your clan lore off of. Djorgo's background story is a nice length so I believe that it would appeal to a wide audience range. It will be a lot of fun to watch how Searchlight evolves and what kind of tension will be found in the lore of this melting pot clan.
Not a dude, but alright. Let me see what I've got. I may be a little rusty since I haven't touched this thread in a long while. So I apologize beforehand if my thoughts aren't all that coherent. If you need clarification, just ask.
I prefer to start off my reviews with elements that I like about the lore. Personally I adore older characters taking leadership, or at least some sort of advisor, roles. It is a more natural relationship between characters that establishes clan unity. The young should seek out their elders for advice and through doing so, knowledge and tradition is passed down. Plus, I think there are a lot of people out there that adore Uncle Iroh and the role he served in Avatar. He is an excellent model to derive inspiration from because he has all of his knowledge justified through his past experiences. So by having Djorgo portrayed as a seasoned veteran courier, with the scars to back it up, it really sells the knowledgeable aspect of him.
Normally I would call for a more active narrative in the lore however because of Djorgo's future role in being the rock of the clan, he needs to be the most established and storied. His actions should be clearly described and how he impacts others highlighted with links to those dragons' bios. So that might be something to consider moving forward.
Unfortunately I do have two main gripes. One is based on the visual delivery (and definitely personal bias) and the other is more on the lore building side. I will start with the visual. As a D&D player myself, I understand the appeal of Mibella's pirate-esque bio template but as an author I downright hate it. The template really restricts the creativity of the bio and overpowers the information contained by breaking it up too much. It also relies on the reader knowing about D&D and understanding the flow of a character profile from that game. The visuals are nice but it truly robs the words of their importance. My advice for this is to find a bio template that is a little more minimalist because that will still give you the organization you want but it won't compete with the words of your bio. This particular template also does not have a natural place to include fan art or written works of the dragon.
My other gripe is the trivia at the bottom of the bio. While I am tickled by the mention of Uncle Iroh, I think it robs Djorgo of being his own character. It creates expectations within the reader so it will be jarring if Djorgo deviates from that perception. Including the inspiration for a character is more for the author's benefit for character construction and really should not be included in a final bio. I'm not really calling for the complete removal of a trivia section but at least trimming it down so that character construction elements aren't included. An alternative would be changing that section from just trivia to something like Author's Notes, that way the reader knows the section is more "behind the scenes" and will expect information that is more along the lines of character construction. Labels are helpful after all.
Overall I think you have a great groundwork to build your clan lore off of. Djorgo's background story is a nice length so I believe that it would appeal to a wide audience range. It will be a lot of fun to watch how Searchlight evolves and what kind of tension will be found in the lore of this melting pot clan.
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