I'm just going to put a bunch of stuff I've written here (Both Flight Rising related and not). I would really love to get some advice/critique for my writing.
I tend to feel that my writing deteriorates as I go on so if anyone has tips to prevent that I would love to hear them. I also feel like my pacing is too quick.
Most, if not all, of these, will be WIPs. If you want to read more of my writing or just want more to critique, check out my dragons' bios.
Want to be pinged when I add new stories? Just ask!
Pinglist:
I'm just going to put a bunch of stuff I've written here (Both Flight Rising related and not). I would really love to get some advice/critique for my writing.
I tend to feel that my writing deteriorates as I go on so if anyone has tips to prevent that I would love to hear them. I also feel like my pacing is too quick.
Most, if not all, of these, will be WIPs. If you want to read more of my writing or just want more to critique, check out my dragons' bios.
Want to be pinged when I add new stories? Just ask!
Pinglist:
Any/All
Pronouns
If it's dragon picking, don't forget to check the hibden
First writing for this! Give me advice/critique! (This is LostSoul's lore by the way)
She had been walking for so long. With each passing century, she became more and more hopeless. She started to believe that she would be forced to wander for an eternity. She now had no idea where she was, knowing only that she had died somewhere very cold, freezing one could even say. Then one dark, moonless night as she blundered around blindly; she suddenly saw a bright glow ahead of her. The light was moving. It greatly intrigued her, so she began to follow. As she approached, a dragon turned towards her. He was wearing lanterns, as well as holding one. Now she knew what was emitting the glow. He nodded and began to walk towards her. She was startled, as she had become used to dragons not seeing her, sometimes even walking right through her.
“I assume that you are lost.” he spoke in a calm, measured voice.
“U-um, Why y-yes, it just so happens that I am indeed l-lost. How exactly did you know? How are you talking to me? How can you even see me? Unless, are you dead too? What’s your name? Who are you? Where am I?” She replied, talking a mile a minute, in a panicked voice, asking too many questions for any dragon to respond to.
“Calm down, all of your questions will be answered in time. For now, follow me.” he requested.
“What!? No! Tell me, why should I trust you?” she asked briskly.
“Gosh, you ask a lot of questions and seem rather concerned for being dead. I mean, you have nothing to lose, right?” he questioned exasperatedly.
“Hm. Well, you make a good point there, but I still won’t trust you fully.” she seemed less sure of herself now.
“Finally. Great, now let’s go. And please don’t ask me where to, you can find out when we get there. All I’ll tell you for now is that we need to get there and that you want to go there.” he said as he began to walk. “Oh, and the name is graveyard.”
She reluctantly followed him to who knows where. She was absorbed in thoughts about the dragon as she walked, her questions plaguing her mind. He paused walking for a moment before continuing and speaking.
“My turn to ask some questions now. What’s your name? Where did you die? Do you have a familiar?” he inquired.
“Well, I don’t recall my name or if I even had a name. I died someplace cold, very cold. And I am unaware as to whether or not I have a familiar." she responded.
"If it was cold then you probably died somewhere in the Southern Icefield. Don't worry, we'll find you a familiar. As for your name… well, what do you consider yourself?" he said.
"The Southern Icefield. That does sound familiar. Let me think about that. I would say that through all this time I have thought of myself as somewhat of a lost soul, endlessly wandering, with no idea where I was.” She replied.
“Alright, Lost Soul it is.” He decided.
“What?! Really just like that?!” She asked, bewildered.
“Like I said, my name is Graveyard, names aren't exactly sophisticated around here.” He explained.
“Ugh, fine, I suppose you have a point.” She agreed.
First writing for this! Give me advice/critique! (This is LostSoul's lore by the way)
She had been walking for so long. With each passing century, she became more and more hopeless. She started to believe that she would be forced to wander for an eternity. She now had no idea where she was, knowing only that she had died somewhere very cold, freezing one could even say. Then one dark, moonless night as she blundered around blindly; she suddenly saw a bright glow ahead of her. The light was moving. It greatly intrigued her, so she began to follow. As she approached, a dragon turned towards her. He was wearing lanterns, as well as holding one. Now she knew what was emitting the glow. He nodded and began to walk towards her. She was startled, as she had become used to dragons not seeing her, sometimes even walking right through her.
“I assume that you are lost.” he spoke in a calm, measured voice.
“U-um, Why y-yes, it just so happens that I am indeed l-lost. How exactly did you know? How are you talking to me? How can you even see me? Unless, are you dead too? What’s your name? Who are you? Where am I?” She replied, talking a mile a minute, in a panicked voice, asking too many questions for any dragon to respond to.
“Calm down, all of your questions will be answered in time. For now, follow me.” he requested.
“What!? No! Tell me, why should I trust you?” she asked briskly.
“Gosh, you ask a lot of questions and seem rather concerned for being dead. I mean, you have nothing to lose, right?” he questioned exasperatedly.
“Hm. Well, you make a good point there, but I still won’t trust you fully.” she seemed less sure of herself now.
“Finally. Great, now let’s go. And please don’t ask me where to, you can find out when we get there. All I’ll tell you for now is that we need to get there and that you want to go there.” he said as he began to walk. “Oh, and the name is graveyard.”
She reluctantly followed him to who knows where. She was absorbed in thoughts about the dragon as she walked, her questions plaguing her mind. He paused walking for a moment before continuing and speaking.
“My turn to ask some questions now. What’s your name? Where did you die? Do you have a familiar?” he inquired.
“Well, I don’t recall my name or if I even had a name. I died someplace cold, very cold. And I am unaware as to whether or not I have a familiar." she responded.
"If it was cold then you probably died somewhere in the Southern Icefield. Don't worry, we'll find you a familiar. As for your name… well, what do you consider yourself?" he said.
"The Southern Icefield. That does sound familiar. Let me think about that. I would say that through all this time I have thought of myself as somewhat of a lost soul, endlessly wandering, with no idea where I was.” She replied.
“Alright, Lost Soul it is.” He decided.
“What?! Really just like that?!” She asked, bewildered.
“Like I said, my name is Graveyard, names aren't exactly sophisticated around here.” He explained.
“Ugh, fine, I suppose you have a point.” She agreed.
Any/All
Pronouns
If it's dragon picking, don't forget to check the hibden
(Frozen Ocean's Lore)
From the depths of the ocean surrounding the Southern Icefields, something had awoken.
One dark, starry night, on the border of a 5-dragon fae clan, the thick ice covering the sea began to crack. The force of whatever was causing it shook the land. The faes all scrambled around in panic. Some grabbed spears, preparing to fight whatever it was. A giant, shining deep-blue head arose from the depths. Once it had pulled the rest of its body from the water, it looked around. "Ahhh, I'm back. You there, little dragons, tell me, what has changed in my absence?" his deep voice rang out into the cold air. The fae with spears took their opportunity to strike. All it took was a flick of his tail and the mighty dragon had knocked them out of the air and sliding across the ice. "I see. Well if that's how you feel..." he said slowly, almost cautiously. "Last chance, little dragons." One brave yellow fae yelled before thrusting herself at the massive dragon. "Oh well," he said, moments before she reached him. He snapped up the Fae in his jaws, and in one bite, she was gone. "Aw, that really is too bad. Well, unfortunately, the what, two of you left, need to go." he frowned. All that was left were the founders. They frantically looked for weapons, but in just a moment he grabbed them both in one hand. They hugged in their final moments before he ate them. "Hmm. I suppose someone else will need to tell me what has happened since I was last here." he said before flying off into the night sky.
(Pink Imp/FrozenOcean's mate's lore)
For many years, something in Sorienth had gone unnoticed. Wandering through the world was an ancient soul. A spirit searching for the perfect dragon to occupy, one that was slightly similar to its previous form. One day, as it weaved through the thick trees and dense forest of the Viridian Labyrinth, it stumbled upon a small Imperial hatchling sleeping in a little clearing. It circled the child a few times before she stirred. It stared at the young dragon, watching her carefully. Now awake, she blinked a few times, before turning and staring into the soul’s eyes. It was confused, dragons usually couldn’t see it. The hatchling, still staring, raised a claw and gently waved at the soul. Now perplexed, it slowly waved back, and began to look around to see if any other dragons were around. It saw no other dragons, and turned back to the hatchling, who was now slowly making her way towards it. It started to leave, before seeing the sadness on her face when it did. It was thinking of what to do about this, when it realised. This, this was the dragon it would occupy. It slowly moved towards her, and then it began the process that would allow it to inhabit the hatchling.
She had lived in the hatchling for many days, and had been travelling in search of a new home. After much walking, they arrived in plague. The soul felt that something was here, something also ancient, someone she had known long ago...
(Frozen Ocean's Lore)
From the depths of the ocean surrounding the Southern Icefields, something had awoken.
One dark, starry night, on the border of a 5-dragon fae clan, the thick ice covering the sea began to crack. The force of whatever was causing it shook the land. The faes all scrambled around in panic. Some grabbed spears, preparing to fight whatever it was. A giant, shining deep-blue head arose from the depths. Once it had pulled the rest of its body from the water, it looked around. "Ahhh, I'm back. You there, little dragons, tell me, what has changed in my absence?" his deep voice rang out into the cold air. The fae with spears took their opportunity to strike. All it took was a flick of his tail and the mighty dragon had knocked them out of the air and sliding across the ice. "I see. Well if that's how you feel..." he said slowly, almost cautiously. "Last chance, little dragons." One brave yellow fae yelled before thrusting herself at the massive dragon. "Oh well," he said, moments before she reached him. He snapped up the Fae in his jaws, and in one bite, she was gone. "Aw, that really is too bad. Well, unfortunately, the what, two of you left, need to go." he frowned. All that was left were the founders. They frantically looked for weapons, but in just a moment he grabbed them both in one hand. They hugged in their final moments before he ate them. "Hmm. I suppose someone else will need to tell me what has happened since I was last here." he said before flying off into the night sky.
(Pink Imp/FrozenOcean's mate's lore)
For many years, something in Sorienth had gone unnoticed. Wandering through the world was an ancient soul. A spirit searching for the perfect dragon to occupy, one that was slightly similar to its previous form. One day, as it weaved through the thick trees and dense forest of the Viridian Labyrinth, it stumbled upon a small Imperial hatchling sleeping in a little clearing. It circled the child a few times before she stirred. It stared at the young dragon, watching her carefully. Now awake, she blinked a few times, before turning and staring into the soul’s eyes. It was confused, dragons usually couldn’t see it. The hatchling, still staring, raised a claw and gently waved at the soul. Now perplexed, it slowly waved back, and began to look around to see if any other dragons were around. It saw no other dragons, and turned back to the hatchling, who was now slowly making her way towards it. It started to leave, before seeing the sadness on her face when it did. It was thinking of what to do about this, when it realised. This, this was the dragon it would occupy. It slowly moved towards her, and then it began the process that would allow it to inhabit the hatchling.
She had lived in the hatchling for many days, and had been travelling in search of a new home. After much walking, they arrived in plague. The soul felt that something was here, something also ancient, someone she had known long ago...
Any/All
Pronouns
If it's dragon picking, don't forget to check the hibden
(Beatdle's lore)
Hailing from Wind, it was only natural that Beatdle would have an affinity for adventure. However, Beatdle also happened to think she was better than everyone else. This lead her to go against any rational advice and purposely travel through the most dangerous places. From the Windswept Plateau she went to: The Southern Icefield, Starfall Isles, Dragnhome, The Viridian Labyrinth, Sunbeam Ruins, The Shifting Expanse, The Ashfall Waste, Sea of a Thousand Currents, and The Tangled Wood. All while travelling through in the most dangerous way possible. By some absolute miracle, she survived. As her final test, she was going to travel through The Scarred Wasteland. Now believing she could do anything, she began her journey with little preparation. However, the Plaguelands would be her downfall. She soon fell ill, as many do when attempting to traverse Plague. Struggling to survive the harsh wasteland, she crawled forwards in search of shelter. After clawing her way forwards for Deities know how long, she was met by a small pack of mirrors. Well, three mirrors, three fae, two nocturnes, one banescale, and three gaolers. Instantly terrified, she curled up, clutching her pearl in fear of death. After many moments of not being killed, she slowly looked up at the dragons. They were murmuring amongst themselves, before two of the mirrors, the fae, and the banescale moved towards her. She froze, anxiously awaiting what may happen next, when one of the mirrors hit her on the head and she was knocked unconscious. When she awoke, she noticed many differences. Namely, she was inside. She looked at her new surroundings and noticed something else. She had… changed. Her ailment had seemingly disappeared, and, most striking, her appearance had changed. ”Oh, you’re finally awake!” A small voice from somewhere said. “ZA, GUYS, THE PEARLCATCHER IS AWAKE!” The small voice shouted, and his time she could see it was the red fae from the group hovering nearby. From halls came some of the dragons from before, as well as a few new ones. “Oh, wonderful.” Said one of the mirrors from earlier. “Let’s see, let’s see…” He began to inspect her, lifting her wings and circling her, looking at her carefully. “Ah, wonderful! Absolutely perfect! Sphynx, inform Seastorm of this immediately!” He shouted to the fae. “Will do, Za!” She replied as she zoomed off down one of the halls. The mirror began to pace, occasionally tapping things around him. “Uhm. Where am I? Who are all of you?” Beatdle asked. “Oh, right. You’re in The Scarred Wasteland. I’m Za. You ever heard of Plaguemother’s Necromancers? I’m one of those.” The mirror, Za, responded casually, glancing up at her for a moment before returning to pacing. “I- I know I’m in The Scarred Wasteland, where specifically in the Scarred Wasteland am I? Wait, Necromancer? Those Necromancers? You're a Necromancer? You? Wait- does that mean you're the one who cured me?"
(Beatdle's lore)
Hailing from Wind, it was only natural that Beatdle would have an affinity for adventure. However, Beatdle also happened to think she was better than everyone else. This lead her to go against any rational advice and purposely travel through the most dangerous places. From the Windswept Plateau she went to: The Southern Icefield, Starfall Isles, Dragnhome, The Viridian Labyrinth, Sunbeam Ruins, The Shifting Expanse, The Ashfall Waste, Sea of a Thousand Currents, and The Tangled Wood. All while travelling through in the most dangerous way possible. By some absolute miracle, she survived. As her final test, she was going to travel through The Scarred Wasteland. Now believing she could do anything, she began her journey with little preparation. However, the Plaguelands would be her downfall. She soon fell ill, as many do when attempting to traverse Plague. Struggling to survive the harsh wasteland, she crawled forwards in search of shelter. After clawing her way forwards for Deities know how long, she was met by a small pack of mirrors. Well, three mirrors, three fae, two nocturnes, one banescale, and three gaolers. Instantly terrified, she curled up, clutching her pearl in fear of death. After many moments of not being killed, she slowly looked up at the dragons. They were murmuring amongst themselves, before two of the mirrors, the fae, and the banescale moved towards her. She froze, anxiously awaiting what may happen next, when one of the mirrors hit her on the head and she was knocked unconscious. When she awoke, she noticed many differences. Namely, she was inside. She looked at her new surroundings and noticed something else. She had… changed. Her ailment had seemingly disappeared, and, most striking, her appearance had changed. ”Oh, you’re finally awake!” A small voice from somewhere said. “ZA, GUYS, THE PEARLCATCHER IS AWAKE!” The small voice shouted, and his time she could see it was the red fae from the group hovering nearby. From halls came some of the dragons from before, as well as a few new ones. “Oh, wonderful.” Said one of the mirrors from earlier. “Let’s see, let’s see…” He began to inspect her, lifting her wings and circling her, looking at her carefully. “Ah, wonderful! Absolutely perfect! Sphynx, inform Seastorm of this immediately!” He shouted to the fae. “Will do, Za!” She replied as she zoomed off down one of the halls. The mirror began to pace, occasionally tapping things around him. “Uhm. Where am I? Who are all of you?” Beatdle asked. “Oh, right. You’re in The Scarred Wasteland. I’m Za. You ever heard of Plaguemother’s Necromancers? I’m one of those.” The mirror, Za, responded casually, glancing up at her for a moment before returning to pacing. “I- I know I’m in The Scarred Wasteland, where specifically in the Scarred Wasteland am I? Wait, Necromancer? Those Necromancers? You're a Necromancer? You? Wait- does that mean you're the one who cured me?"
Any/All
Pronouns
If it's dragon picking, don't forget to check the hibden
ok is that good probably not oh well
ok is that good probably not oh well
Any/All
Pronouns
If it's dragon picking, don't forget to check the hibden
looks good so far! i especially like lostsoul's lore.
if you want to strengthen your endings, look at what makes your beginnings good, and apply it to the ending. to slow your pacing, you can put in more description or dialogue
looks good so far! i especially like lostsoul's lore.
if you want to strengthen your endings, look at what makes your beginnings good, and apply it to the ending. to slow your pacing, you can put in more description or dialogue