Angel

Mortals. They are all the same. They spend their days chasing something they may never have. It's pitiful, really. I tried several times to make these poor creatures understand that they shouldn't want something that is so obviously out of reach for them and their short lifespans. One in particular stuck with me. A young woman craving to know the truth if the universe. I remember the look in her eyes as clearly as the breeze flowing through my hair in summer. The determination I saw in her soul was almost scary and, even though I should feel nothing but pity for her fruitless attempts at proving whether or not there truly is a God or higher power, I couldn't help but feel something akin to wonder and maybe even envy. Though her life was short and frail this woman did everything her small and insignificant body and mind could to find even a shred of proof for the existence of an all-knowing maker. I followed her around, at the time I kept telling myself I did this simply because this creature intrigued me but, deep down I must have already known that she was special. The look in her eyes each time she thought she had found something, even if it was just one word among many that seemed to stick out and not belong with the rest, kept me around her. This was perhaps the greatest mistake I have made in my immortal life and, at the same time, the best decision I could have made. I, an angel, a truly godly being without worries of time or limited knowledge, fell in live with a mortal. Something that should be as low to me as a roach is to them, but for some reason this woman intrigued me more than any other creature I knew of.


Of course, her being a mortal she was not to know of my true identity, so I kept it hidden. I followed her in her quest to prove something I knew everything about and the small unreasonable voice in my head screamed at me to tell her what she so desperately craved to know so that she could spend the rest of her life peacefully without that obsession to find the truth, but I knew that I could not. I remember asking her, in her deathbed, after I had been with her for years and even wed her, why she had devoted her life to one small deed of finding this impossible truth and, well, her answer really stuck with me and will most likely continue to do so until the rest of eternity. I had always thought humans were simple minded creatures that devote their lives to one thing and ignore the rest of what their world has to offer, but, as so many times before, this ordinary mortal woman proved me wrong. Though, saying that she is ordinary is a true disgrace. She was far more than that. My mortal, my lover and my teacher.


On the day of her death when I asked her the question I've been holding back ever since I first saw that scarily strong spark of determination in those emerald green eyes, she surprised me one last time. "Love, I know you never understood me. Maybe that is why I knew that you were far more than a human like me." She said this with a smile, so she had known that I wasn't human after all. "I will tell you why we humans spend our lives trying to gain something that is impossible for us to hold in our hands. Every human spends their life dead set on something. Some may go out wandering the world in search of true love, pleasure, immeasurable riches or, perhaps even, immortality. Or, like in my case, knowledge and truth. They are selfish desires even if some may not seem like it but, humans are, at their core, selfish and greedy. I may never understand how a holy being like you could fall for a mere human like me but, maybe that is for the best." She continued, her emerald eyes set on me, sparkling with the same glint of determination that had made me fall for her oh so many years ago. My brain felt like a whirlwind as it tried to understand exactly what she had said and I simply stared at her, my mouth agape. "So you knew." I finally stated, my voice little more than a whisper as I averted my gaze. Of course she knew, she wasn't an ordinary human after all. I should have known that it would take more than aging my body with hers to fool someone as special as her.


My eyes shot back up as she grabbed my hand with hers, smiling at me. "So then why didn't you ask me about your truth before. I could have been able to answer all your questions." I said, my voice still only a whisper, though my tone was more questioning. "Heh, humans need a goal like this. Once we have all the answers what is there to live for? If you had simply given me all the answers then and there my life would have no meaning." My lover finally said after carefully thinking about what to say, something she often did. Always too careful to hurt others with her words. It was different this time though. She had never been afraid to hurt me with her words before so there must be more she wanted to say but was too worried to do. Before I could ask her she chuckled lightly. "Could I ask you the questions now? I... I guess I just don't want to die without knowing the truth." Her eyes were fixated on the ceiling and I could see the glimmer of tears she was holding back. "Love, I want you to look at me." I said, my body returning to my original one. A body with no wrinkles and with full hair and, likely most importantly, with a set of indigo wings on my back. Runes of the same shade of blue adorned my arms.


My now light pink eyes found her emerald green ones that were staring behind me in wonder, her tears raced down her cheeks after finally being allowed to fall from her eyes. "I will tell you everything my love, just promise me we will find each other again in another life." I said, smiling sadly as I wiped the tears from her face. "Of course, I will find you again life after life. But, before you answer the questions I've been having my whole life, why me? Why would an angel stick with a mere human like me?" Her eyes, though they still held the determination, now also held a sadness and, for a split second, doubt. "You are special. At first I thought I stuck around because your determination intrigued me, but as the years passed I found myself deeply in love with you. I knew I shouldn't, but I simply couldn't help myself, that will of yours is something I will never possess. Angels are all-knowing, and we can have what we want whenever we want, or almost anything at least." I answered truthfully. I looked at my lover in surprise and confusion when she started laughing. Not a simple chuckle, no, she was laughing loudly. When she stopped she looked up at my confused expression with a humored one and eyes filled with love. "So you and I aren't that different after all. Angel, you are so much more like a human than you know." She stated and, when she saw my still confused look, continued, "You wanted something that was out of your reach. You envy the will and determination of humans. A paradox, really. You want the determination and will that we humans possess, but know that you will likely never have it, but in turn you are determined to gain this will." She said smiling. At the time I hadn't understood, but as time went on I realized something about myself and her words. She had been wrong. Kind of at least. Back then she had said that the thing I crave that is out of my reach was determination but, after walking this earth for centuries without her, I found that I craved to see her again and hold her in my arms. I had the determination all along, but didn't need to notice it because I had what I so desperately wanted already with me and didn't even realize until it was too late. And, I was wrong about something as well. Angels are not all-knowing. If I was I would have found her again already but, as I found, I was unable to locate specific souls if I didn't know their human form.


As I wandered the earth after her death my mind kept wandering to her. Her emerald green eyes that showed that intimidating determination, her fiery red hair held together in a messy bun so they wouldn't fall into her face as she read, the way her body felt when I held her close. The moment after I finished answering her life-long questions about God and Heaven and she closed her eyes for the last time, a faint smile on her lips, I refused to believe she was truly gone. I begged her to open her eyes once more, to tell me that she was alright and would stay with me forever, but I knew she was gone. After her funeral, once I was truly alone with my thoughts I started to get angry. Angry at myself for not relishing her enough and for not being able to help her in some way even though I knew I couldn't interfere, angry at God for making human lifespans so short and making mine indefinite and for taking her from me and not telling me where she'd been reborn. Angry at time for flying by so quickly and aging her body. But never angry at her. As days grew into months and months into years, my anger faded and left a hole behind. I tried to move on and fill the hole. I spent decades trying to find the love of my immortal life once more without avail.


It had been four hundred years since I last saw her and I had started to lose hope about a century ago. I'd tried to move on and find another lover, truly I had, but none could compare to her. The human that managed to ground an angel and make him realize how similar he was to them. The human that made an angel drop his guard and made him fall for her. Calling her a human was an insult, when in reality she was so much more. December 20th, 1620... I sighed as I sat in front of her grave. It had been exactly four hundred years since she left me behind with this hole in my soul that could not be filled no matter how much I tried. And I had tried a lot. Some of it became a hobby, like whittling, and some I regret to this day. I felt a cold drop on my hand and looked to the sky in confusion. It wasn't supposed to rain today. And it didn't. My blurry sight gave the origin of the mysterious drop away instantly. I had started crying without noticing it. With a small chuckle that sounded more like I was choking back tears than the laugh it was supposed to be I wiped the tears from my eyes and stared at the indigo roses I had carefully placed in front of the tombstone. The cold breeze ruffled my silver hair and I pulled my legs up to my chest for warmth. "Never thought I'd see an angel in such a pitiful state." A voice said from behind me. A voice that sounded almost like her. I turned when I heard the person crouch down next to me. "Told you I'd find you again." the voice said as my eyes stared into emerald green ones, a new determination hidden within them. I fell backwards as she threw herself onto me, her head in the nook of my neck and her arms tightly wrapped around me as though I would disappear if she let go for just a second. Her familiar scent invaded my senses as I hugged her back and wrapped my wings around her small frame, not caring whether or not humans saw us. "I thought I would never see you again." I sobbed into her messy hair. She pulled herself up enough to look into my eyes. "I've been looking for you for so long. You have no idea how unlucky someone can get when being reincarnated, my angel." She said, an emotion unknown to me flashing in her eyes, overshadowing the determination for just a second before she started grinning once more. "I need you to help me find immortality." She said as she stood, dusting herself off as she did. I stared up at her in disbelief. Surely she was joking, no human can gain immortality. It was the most impossible thing a human can crave, yet here she was. The woman I had fallen in love with so long ago, determination glistening in her eyes and seeming stronger than ever before, telling me she wanted to become immortal. Once again I, a being supposed to be far above these mortal, pitiful creatures, was staring up at one of them in wonder and amazement. "Well, are you going to help me live eternity by your side, or are you going to continue staring at me like a child seeing snow for the first time?" She said loudly, holding her arm out for me to help me up. How could a human be so much stronger than me? While I was wandering around aimlessly, she had been through who knows what in the past four hundred years. She had taught me so much. A mere human. A mortal being had taught an angel about things unimaginable to him. So maybe, just maybe, immortality wouldn't be as out of reach as I reckon. With a smile and new found determination to help this woman stay by my side for the rest of time, I took her hand and stood. Our eyes meet as my hand finds her cheek and I pull her towards me for a kiss I had been waiting centuries for. I swear I will find a way to keep her by my side, no matter what it might take. I just can't lose her again.