Haku

Haku had sailed the seven seas for seven years, and at last, he was no more than seven leagues away from reaching the One Pony. He looked gravely at his trusty crew and thought, not for the first time, that this search would probably have only taken seven days without them, failures that they were.

"Stay on the ship and stay out of the way," he said, and set off on the last leg of the journey alone. Haku's seven crewmembers looked at each other and trailed after him, almost as if they were incapable of following instructions.

The One Pony was in the deepest of caves, seven thousand leagues under sea level, but Haku perservered and at last found himself in front of the Imperial-sized golden chest that could only contain a key item. He held his breath as he threw the chest open.

For a moment, he was overcome by the radiant golden light that shone from within the chest. When the light cleared, he found himself looking at three small sky-colored figures sitting where his treasure should have been.

Those weren't ponies.

"Where," he intoned, with all the grace and dignity that only Haku of the Ojisan Kaizoku could ever muster, "is the One Pony?"

The hatchlings had the grace to look sheepish. "Well, uh," said the Spiral, "it's right here. Or was, anyway."

"We got hungry," admitted the Imperial. "But it was delicious."

"Anyway, Haku-ojisan, everyone knows the real treasure is the adventures you've had and the friends you've made along the way!" finished the Coatl. "Not the delicious feast waiting for you at the end. And it was delicious."

Haku was filled with despair. Was he never to obtain the One Pony? What was he supposed to do now?

...Only one course of action remained. He would just have to trample everyone here, everyone who had gotten in his way, and go in search of the other One Pony.

Once he had the One Pony to rule them all, no incompetent crewmembers or starving hatchlings would get in his way.