Arwyn

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JingleTingle


~~anonymous~~

lore is written by @kingseedling. go check out their shop

When Arwyn thinks back to their childhood, the first thing they remember is lightning. It arced gracefully through crystal blue skies, touched down here and there onto the dusty plains, and left curling, scorched spirals of black sand in its wake. Here and there across the desert, hatchlings rolled and played, weaving clumsily between the cacti and boulders strewn across the landscape. Arwyn, of course, never partook in their games. No one wanted them to. Even at that young age, they left young Arwyn, who liked gleaming armour and dangling earrings, all alone, an oddity among the strictly grouped hatchlings.

They think about this now as they traverse the Carrion Canyon with Judas, on their way to meet with their friends. The canyon is somehow cooler than the desert of her childhood, the towering cliffs around them sheltering them from the blazing heat of the sun and the crackling electricity from the hanging cables above. Beside them, Judas adjusts his earrings, and they find themself watching, when he glances towards them, wings ruffling in a thin wind.

“You good?” Arwyn nods thoughtfully… And then speaks, “I was just thinking… I mean.” They pause, trying to find a way to form their words. “How are you… So secure? In who you are? I mean. Not to enforce the gender binary but, isn’t it hard, being a male dragon who likes typically feminine things? Surely it bothers you then when people gender you?” Judas shrugs uncomfortably, shoulders lifting under his silky blue robe.

“It’s not like that really… Clothing is just clothing for me. I don’t feel upset when people call me a girl or a boy, because I know they just don’t know what I am. And I’m plenty masculine.” He twitches his whiskers at them playfully. Arwyn…. Doesn’t know what to make of that. Staring off across the canyon, they watch blue sparks fly off of the cables strewn about, forming small black sand spirals that crunch under their feet. It reminds them of stumbling through the desert, jumping from spiral to spiral, alone in their games. No one had wanted to play with them, so they had to find enjoyment however they could. Looking back, they’re not sure how they were content with just that.

“I… don’t really feel like that? I like wearing my winged armour, and I like wearing my earrings but…” They trail off, unsure of how to express what they mean. Judas watches them carefully, stepping delicately over the spirals with curved claws. “But it means more to you than that?” Arwyn nods, sending golden light scattering across the warm, tan rocks, pale sun glinting off of their horns. “I don’t like it when people call me anything. Girl or boy. It’s like you said, clothing is just clothing, but it always makes me upset when people assume things because of it. I wish I could just wear what I wanted without people thinking I’m a girl or a boy.”

Far ahead, a circling Death Seeker alights on one of the cables, then shrieks as sparks travel up it towards them. They once more take to the air, the vivid blue eye on their stomach rolling in pain. Judas frowns, “What do you mean?” Arwyn sighs, rolling their shoulders. The joints of their metal wings sit heavily on them, scorching hot under the sun despite the shadows cast across them. “I don’t really like being called a girl. When I dress in girly clothing and people call me a girl I always feel like an imposter. Like I’m faking it.”

“Do you… not want to be a girl?” Judas’s tone is gentle. “I don’t know… I just don’t feel like one.” Judas nods thoughtfully, mane rippling in the gentle breeze, the cables swaying far above him tinting him bright blue with their light. “You could... be transgender? I can’t say I know a lot but from what I’ve heard what you’re feeling is… similar.” Arwyn shakes their head, earrings slapping against their delicate fins with the force. “I don’t feel bad when people call me a girl, I just feel wrong. And anyway, I don’t feel any better being called a boy.”

Judas stops walking and turns to them. “Arwyn, you don’t need to feel bad about your gender to want to be another one. And you don’t need to want to be a boy either. Some dragons are neither or both! Like that dragon, we met in the Viridian Labyrinth! What was their name… Pom-Pom?” Arwyn considers it quietly. They’d never fitted in with the other hatchlings as a kid, always too tomboyish for the girls and too girly for the boys. They had been told to pick a side, to pick an interest and stick with it. Though they’d known, intellectually, that dragons beyond the gender binary and even those that slid along it existed, they’d never thought of it as something that would be possible for them.

Arwyn looks down at the small bones scattered across the floor. “I don’t really know. I guess I could be… not a girl. But what am I? I don’t know, Judas, what if I’m a girl but I’m just sexist? As a kid, I smashed all my enameled shells and rings because I thought that I hated them and was too boyish for them. What if this is like that? What if I just don’t want to be called a girl because inside I don’t think a girl can be like me?”

They sit in silence for a while. There’s no rush to meet their friends, they’ve probably already headed up to the runestone. Jeebus would be fine to wait for them there, he’s always been too patient for his own good. The wind blows feebly and the hum and crackle of electricity and the faint scuttling of parched creatures fill the silence. Judas shifts, dust billowing up from where his tail drags. “Listen, I can’t tell you why you feel like you do, but in my experience, it’s better to just try it. When I realized I liked boys, I didn’t know why, I just accepted it. Later, when I started dating Jeebus and he took me to StormPride Marches, that's when it started to feel right. Maybe you just need to try it out?”

Arwyn swallows, “But what if I do and I don’t like it?” Judas snorts, then nudges them with his shoulder. “So what? You’re not a bad person for exploring who you are. Jeebus and I love you and we’d never judge you for deciding something isn’t for you.” They look down, their head swimming. What if, what if, what if… But what if they liked it? What if it felt right? Then what? Things would be harder for them. Dragons came in all shapes and sizes, and the necessity of clan-bonding for safety made it so judgment was detrimental to their existence. Still, not every dragon was as kind and accepting as their friends.

But what did it matter? Arwyn’s life had already been hard. They had already been judged and ridiculed, what was a bit more? If it meant that they could be comfortable with themself, finally, then would it hurt to try? A sharp crackle sounded above them and they nodded, “Yeah. I think I want to try using they/them and being… Not a girl or a boy. But… just with you, and maybe Jeebus? For now?” Judas grins, sharp teeth glinting like diamonds. “That’s great. I’m proud of you dude.” They share another quiet moment until a shriek from above interrupts them. Yet another Death Seeker had alighted on a cable, only to be shocked. Arwyn laughs, “You would think those guys would warn each other.” Judas laughs too, and they continue their walk.

Later, they would find their friends, and Jeebus would nudge Judas’ snout affectionately and Arwyn would whisper to him their decision, and Jeebus would grin and bump their horns together too. And even later, Jeebus would say, swimming in mead and stumbling around the runestone, “Remember when Arwyn tried to jump-rope with the cables and they got caught on their wing-blades and nearly electrocuted them?” And Arwyn would grumble about the teasing but feel an unexpected warmth at the words, the care with which Jeebus spoke, even as he slurred his words and flopped against Judas’ side. And above them, the sky would turn soft grey, then yellow, then finally blue-black, and sparks would fizzle around and tint everything blue and the world would feel positively electric and new.

But for now, Arwyn treads uncertainly under the crystal sky, leaving a trail of crushed black sand, swept neatly aside by Judas. For now, they walk together, under the hot, pale sun and towering cliffs of the canyon.




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