(OVER) Camp Elf | Raffles & Giveaways

Sent my donations to the mint! Favorite joke?? No such thing! There are so many good ones out there! Here's one I like though XD: [b]How is imitation like a plateau?[/b] [i]They're both the highest form of flattery.[/i] [img]http://i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/014/959/Screenshot_116.png[/img]

Kitanya

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July 21, 2017 03:57:07

Sent my donations to the mint!

Favorite joke?? No such thing! There are so many good ones out there! Here's one I like though XD:

How is imitation like a plateau?

They're both the highest form of flattery.

I learned to tell this joke from my grandfather, who was an excellent teller of jokes, and my children have told it too. It is an oldie but a goodie I think.
OK this is a long one so bare with me.
A young couple are in a limo, on the way to their wedding, when they die suddenly in a horrible car crash.
They appear at the Pearly Gates of Heaven and they meet St Peter who welcomes them and tells them they can enter heaven and spend eternity together, and they think
"Well, this is a bit of a bummer, but at least we can still be together", so they go in to heaven and everything is OK.
But one year later the bride goes and says to St Peter,
"Look, I know this is heaven, and it's lovely, I've been learning to play the harp and we are very happy but I really wanted to get married. What do you think, can we do that here?"
and St Peter says
"I'll have to talk to the man upstairs about it, give me some time and I will get back to you."
So the bride waits for another year and then she goes back to St Peter and she says
"I don't want to seem impatient, but it has been a year and I really think asking to be married in heaven is not such a big request."
and St Peter says
"These things take time. Let me talk to the man upstairs and I will get back to you."
But another year passes and another, and despite some very pointed hints by the young couple even more time passes.
Finally the bride is really fed up and she goes to St Peter and says
"This has gone on long enough, we only asked to be married. What is the problem?"
and St Peter says
"We just needed to be sure of your commitment, this really is forever you know, and organising weddings is a difficult business, even here in heaven. But now everything is arranged and you can get married tomorrow if you like."
So they were married. It was a beautiful ceremony, lovely music, great food, awesome guests, and everyone was happy.
Until, a year later the bride goes to St Peter and says
"Look I'm really sorry but the whole marriage thing just isn't working out, I want a divorce."
and St Peter says
"A divorce! It took us years to find a priest in heaven, how long do you think it's going to take us to find a lawyer?"

This is a very tame joke in my culture, apologies if it doesn't work for other people.

Litoriadraconis

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July 21, 2017 08:16:41

I learned to tell this joke from my grandfather, who was an excellent teller of jokes, and my children have told it too. It is an oldie but a goodie I think.
OK this is a long one so bare with me.
A young couple are in a limo, on the way to their wedding, when they die suddenly in a horrible car crash.
They appear at the Pearly Gates of Heaven and they meet St Peter who welcomes them and tells them they can enter heaven and spend eternity together, and they think
"Well, this is a bit of a bummer, but at least we can still be together", so they go in to heaven and everything is OK.
But one year later the bride goes and says to St Peter,
"Look, I know this is heaven, and it's lovely, I've been learning to play the harp and we are very happy but I really wanted to get married. What do you think, can we do that here?"
and St Peter says
"I'll have to talk to the man upstairs about it, give me some time and I will get back to you."
So the bride waits for another year and then she goes back to St Peter and she says
"I don't want to seem impatient, but it has been a year and I really think asking to be married in heaven is not such a big request."
and St Peter says
"These things take time. Let me talk to the man upstairs and I will get back to you."
But another year passes and another, and despite some very pointed hints by the young couple even more time passes.
Finally the bride is really fed up and she goes to St Peter and says
"This has gone on long enough, we only asked to be married. What is the problem?"
and St Peter says
"We just needed to be sure of your commitment, this really is forever you know, and organising weddings is a difficult business, even here in heaven. But now everything is arranged and you can get married tomorrow if you like."
So they were married. It was a beautiful ceremony, lovely music, great food, awesome guests, and everyone was happy.
Until, a year later the bride goes to St Peter and says
"Look I'm really sorry but the whole marriage thing just isn't working out, I want a divorce."
and St Peter says
"A divorce! It took us years to find a priest in heaven, how long do you think it's going to take us to find a lawyer?"

This is a very tame joke in my culture, apologies if it doesn't work for other people.

I don't know any jokes, I'm afraid :-( I'm more of an improv language puns person. Of course, right now, for the life of me, none comes to mind :-( Does it count that I showed willing?

kriski

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July 21, 2017 08:19:14

I don't know any jokes, I'm afraid :-( I'm more of an improv language puns person. Of course, right now, for the life of me, none comes to mind :-( Does it count that I showed willing?

[img]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/7f/84/8e/7f848ec392c754eff7f7e8a28d0341ab.jpg[/img] [img]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/b9/9f/d0/b99fd04cb77ac98dc7753de5f7542e84.jpg[/img]

Breshcandra

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July 21, 2017 08:20:21

What do you call it when a Norwegian robot analyses a bird?
Scandinavian.

StormDragon21

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July 21, 2017 09:57:24

What do you call it when a Norwegian robot analyses a bird?
Scandinavian.

@minty

Sent a donation and here is me joke:

What do ghosts wear on their feet?

Little boooooties =D

Seonais

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July 21, 2017 10:44:21

@minty

Sent a donation and here is me joke:

What do ghosts wear on their feet?

Little boooooties =D

"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In the stork?"

kriski

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July 21, 2017 11:29:30

"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In the stork?"

Another dumb one from me:
What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?

One howls on the prairie and and the other prowls on the hairy

...also I sent items in

Valikor

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July 21, 2017 14:31:06

Another dumb one from me:
What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?

One howls on the prairie and and the other prowls on the hairy

...also I sent items in

@minty
I sent you in my donations!
I'm quite picky joke-wise but I often like good puns or wordplays, and I personally think that these two jokes in particular are really good for a laugh :D I would just list one joke but the other ones I mentioned as well is just too funny to pass up, haha :)

Joke 1:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see."

Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

Joke 2:
A ship was traveling in a dangerous part of the sea. The captain saw a pirate ship approaching their vessel.

The captain yells to his crew, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The crew brings him his red shirt, he puts it on, and leads the men in battle. They lose one man, but on the whole it was a great victory. Everyone wonders what the deal is with the red shirt, but they just shrug it off.

A few days later, the captain sees two pirate ships in the distance.

He again yells, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The crew does so, and they fight off the pirates. They lose a few more men this time, but at least most of them are unscratched. However this time curiosity got the best of them, and they ask the Captain why he's asked for his red shirt during the battles.

He answers, "Well crew, I know all of you look to me for support and morale. I knew there would be a good chance of me getting injured and I didn't want you to see me all bloody and fear that all is lost. Therefore I put on a red shirt so that my injuries will blend in with the shirt."

A few weeks later, the ship is traveling and in the distance, there are ten pirate ships. The captain spots this and yells "Bring me my brown pants!"

Other funny wordplays/puns: (But don't count these extra jokes as my entry, I just wanted to share them with everyone ^^)

Why don't ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.

I don't like trees, they're kinda shady.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?"

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey (*Note: Vocalize this out loud to yourself to see the joke :D)

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." poof. He disappeared without a tres. *Note: In Spanish "tres" is the word for the number three and sounds like the English word "trace" as in "vanished without a trace".

Why are ghosts terrible liars? Because you can see right through them. They tell transparent lies.

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Never Lands. *Note: Neverland is the fictional place in Peter Pan xD

I thought some of the other jokes posted already by other people are pretty good too! I cannot wait to see more~! =)

EDIT: I added some more good ones! That I think others may enjoy.

Pretty funny Harry Potter jokes for fans of the great series <3

How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash? With quit-itch.

What did the golden snitch say when Harry Potter was itchy? Quidditching!

What did the comedian say to Harry Potter? Why so Sirius?

Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to Facebook? Because he only has followers, not friends.

Voldemort: Why so sirius? Sirius Black: Why so nosy?

You don't get my Harry Potter jokes? There must be something RON with you.

Why doesn't Voldemort have glasses? Nobody nose.

What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn't? A NOSE!

How do Death Eaters freshen their breath? With Dementos.

Why did Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road? So you'll never know which side he's on.

Why did Lucius Malfoy cross the road twice? Because he's a double-crosser.

Knock! Knock! Who's there? You know. You know who? Exactly. AVADA KEDAVRA!

On a scale from one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you? About nine and three quarters.

suurin

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July 21, 2017 14:38:54

@minty
I sent you in my donations!
I'm quite picky joke-wise but I often like good puns or wordplays, and I personally think that these two jokes in particular are really good for a laugh :D I would just list one joke but the other ones I mentioned as well is just too funny to pass up, haha :)

Joke 1:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see."

Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

Joke 2:
A ship was traveling in a dangerous part of the sea. The captain saw a pirate ship approaching their vessel.

The captain yells to his crew, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The crew brings him his red shirt, he puts it on, and leads the men in battle. They lose one man, but on the whole it was a great victory. Everyone wonders what the deal is with the red shirt, but they just shrug it off.

A few days later, the captain sees two pirate ships in the distance.

He again yells, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The crew does so, and they fight off the pirates. They lose a few more men this time, but at least most of them are unscratched. However this time curiosity got the best of them, and they ask the Captain why he's asked for his red shirt during the battles.

He answers, "Well crew, I know all of you look to me for support and morale. I knew there would be a good chance of me getting injured and I didn't want you to see me all bloody and fear that all is lost. Therefore I put on a red shirt so that my injuries will blend in with the shirt."

A few weeks later, the ship is traveling and in the distance, there are ten pirate ships. The captain spots this and yells "Bring me my brown pants!"

Other funny wordplays/puns: (But don't count these extra jokes as my entry, I just wanted to share them with everyone ^^)

Why don't ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.

I don't like trees, they're kinda shady.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?"

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey (*Note: Vocalize this out loud to yourself to see the joke :D)

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." poof. He disappeared without a tres. *Note: In Spanish "tres" is the word for the number three and sounds like the English word "trace" as in "vanished without a trace".

Why are ghosts terrible liars? Because you can see right through them. They tell transparent lies.

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Never Lands. *Note: Neverland is the fictional place in Peter Pan xD

I thought some of the other jokes posted already by other people are pretty good too! I cannot wait to see more~! =)

EDIT: I added some more good ones! That I think others may enjoy.

Pretty funny Harry Potter jokes for fans of the great series <3

How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash? With quit-itch.

What did the golden snitch say when Harry Potter was itchy? Quidditching!

What did the comedian say to Harry Potter? Why so Sirius?

Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to Facebook? Because he only has followers, not friends.

Voldemort: Why so sirius? Sirius Black: Why so nosy?

You don't get my Harry Potter jokes? There must be something RON with you.

Why doesn't Voldemort have glasses? Nobody nose.

What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn't? A NOSE!

How do Death Eaters freshen their breath? With Dementos.

Why did Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road? So you'll never know which side he's on.

Why did Lucius Malfoy cross the road twice? Because he's a double-crosser.

Knock! Knock! Who's there? You know. You know who? Exactly. AVADA KEDAVRA!

On a scale from one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you? About nine and three quarters.

Last edited on Jul 21, 2017 15:55:33 by suurin

There was a series of jokes that I liked from my mom's family(note that guess time should be given after each question to see what ideas are brought up):

How do you know if there's an elephant in the refrigerator?
There are footprints in the jell-O!

How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?
Open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.

How do you put a rhinoceros in the refrigerator?
Open the door, take out the elephant, put in the rhinoceros, and close the door.

In a short companion series, we also have:

Why does the elephant have green shoes?
So it can hide in a tree.

Why does the elephant have red shoes?
So he can hide in a cherry tree.

Why is there a pair of red stained shoes on the lawn?
The elephant forgot to change shoes before he climbed the tree.

FlameStalker

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July 21, 2017 16:42:17

There was a series of jokes that I liked from my mom's family(note that guess time should be given after each question to see what ideas are brought up):

How do you know if there's an elephant in the refrigerator?
There are footprints in the jell-O!

How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?
Open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.

How do you put a rhinoceros in the refrigerator?
Open the door, take out the elephant, put in the rhinoceros, and close the door.

In a short companion series, we also have:

Why does the elephant have green shoes?
So it can hide in a tree.

Why does the elephant have red shoes?
So he can hide in a cherry tree.

Why is there a pair of red stained shoes on the lawn?
The elephant forgot to change shoes before he climbed the tree.