General Discussion

I have two lovely stories from this weekend:
DM: You walk into the cottage. There appears to be some kind of altar with a giant clamshell filled with water and small fish. There is a book and a pot of ink next to the shell. What--

Barbarian: I put the ink in the water.

DM:...okay (under her breath) but why?

Barbarian: I want to see what happens. I put the ink in the water!

DM:...the ink does what ink does in water.

Wizard: i put my hand in the water!

Me (paladin): I DRINK THE WATER

DM, crying: Wizard, youre now wet. Paladin, it tastes like water.

Barbarian: I pour the water out.

DM: Well, now the floor's all wet and the fish are dying. I hope you're happy.

Barbarian: I take the ink with me.

DM: *sighs and pours herself a full glass of wine*

The barbarian held the ink pot THE ENTIRE REST OF THE SESSION, even in combat and had to roll a dex save every time he did anything to ensure he did not drop the ink.


STORY 2:

Bard, after almost getting caught snooping around on an airship: You guys just don't like to have fun.

Me: We do not think almost dying is fun.

Bard: See? This is what I mean. *character goes to edge of airship*

Hunter, softly: Don't.

Bard: I'M fun. You guys are boring! *grabs railing of ship* I like a good adventure, and I like to have fun. *climbs railing*

Bard: *IMMEDIATELY ripped off of ship and plunges to the ground*

My character for that game bases their entire self-worth on how well/if they can protect people so uhh... this was not the best moment. Thankfully some magical intervention by an NPC saved the bard... simply because my poor, poor DM knew this would happen. When we finished the game, they went "yeah, I knew she'd do that so I prepared for it"

After this, I promptly took the hunter's rope and tied the bard to me like a child leash. That night, I, a warforged, sat on the edge of her bed, staring at her. All. Night. Who would trust her after that?

My DM - my best friend - and our bard, Erasmus, legit hissed at each other after Erasmus cast Speak with Dead and crit failed animal handling on a dead, overgrown snake.

And this one isn't... funny, so much as it is just sad. My character, a tabaxi shadow monk, is currently carrying the dead, petrified bodies of two of our friends in a bag of holding simply because... that was the best decision at the moment? And she is not handling it well, might I add. The literal weight of grief is petrifying her loving heart.

Recently fought a vampire with the head of a pumpkin. But before we even engaged in the fight the barbarian and I failed a safe and fell under her spell... which made us love her. It was done in private, so the rest of the team didn't know of this.

They were plotting on how to kill her and we were there like "I am sure we can be her friends! Let's go down there and eat with her. The skeletons at her dining hall is clearly just decoration" and we drank her wine that... as a shock was poison

Ribbit is kenku character I often use in campaigns. Why is their name Ribbit? Well, they can only communicate in various frog croaks. This is made funny considering I have a frog soundboard on my iPod specifically for that character.

We also did this one campaign where literally anything could've been a mimic. The one thing that wasn't a mimic was a box that only contained ginger ale (which did nothing upon drinking it)

We have a player who's character wears a top hat. It is not allowed around other hats, as it will multiply if done so.

I usually play as a lawful evil paladin
On my groups most recent one shot, we were told to harvest wyvern poison from an alchemist. So, me and the party (wild wizard, Druid, ranger, cleric, and me) go and kill a deer to lure the wyvern.
Wolves smell deer and attack.
DM told us that it was getting dark and so I light my touch and stick it in the front of my Shield, hoping the light will scare then off.
One battle later, six dead wolves, I’m smoking because the wizard hit me with lightning to kill the wolves, and the DM reveals that I wasted my torch because it was still bright out.
( later our ranger took a swig of poison as a joke and ended up taking 25 points poison damage, almost killing his character.)