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TOPIC | Dragons for a little imagination v3
@Fraybird
Could I be pinged for tundras?
@Snowki
Shalni was born in the Scarred Wasteland in The Abiding Boneyard. Despite Shalni's pretty appearance, she was like most dragons who lived in the Scarred Wasteland, she was a survivor, and a battle-hardened one at that.
Shalni never knew her parents, the closest thing she had to parents was a pack of mirrors that raised her.
Shalni knew that most of the dragons that lived in The Abiding Boneyard were mirrors because they were a native species, but as a tundra, she always felt out of place among the mirrors, especially when it came time to feed, instead of hunting with the pack for meat or fish she would instead forage for plants because unlike the mirror pack that raised her she was a vegetarian.
One day Shalni left the safety of her pack, and with a heavy heart she traveled to the Southern Icefield and into the Snowsquall Tundra, where she could feel in her heart would be the place where the found other tundras like her.
Shalni's destiny was uncertain, and only time would tell the fate of this dragon...
[url=http://flightrising.com/main.php?dragon=40756572]
[img]http://flightrising.com/rendern/350/407566/40756572_350.png[/img]
[/url]
@Fraybird
Could I be pinged for tundras?
@Snowki
Shalni was born in the Scarred Wasteland in The Abiding Boneyard. Despite Shalni's pretty appearance, she was like most dragons who lived in the Scarred Wasteland, she was a survivor, and a battle-hardened one at that.
Shalni never knew her parents, the closest thing she had to parents was a pack of mirrors that raised her.
Shalni knew that most of the dragons that lived in The Abiding Boneyard were mirrors because they were a native species, but as a tundra, she always felt out of place among the mirrors, especially when it came time to feed, instead of hunting with the pack for meat or fish she would instead forage for plants because unlike the mirror pack that raised her she was a vegetarian.
One day Shalni left the safety of her pack, and with a heavy heart she traveled to the Southern Icefield and into the Snowsquall Tundra, where she could feel in her heart would be the place where the found other tundras like her.
Shalni's destiny was uncertain, and only time would tell the fate of this dragon...
Could I be pinged for tundras?
@Snowki
Shalni was born in the Scarred Wasteland in The Abiding Boneyard. Despite Shalni's pretty appearance, she was like most dragons who lived in the Scarred Wasteland, she was a survivor, and a battle-hardened one at that.
Shalni never knew her parents, the closest thing she had to parents was a pack of mirrors that raised her.
Shalni knew that most of the dragons that lived in The Abiding Boneyard were mirrors because they were a native species, but as a tundra, she always felt out of place among the mirrors, especially when it came time to feed, instead of hunting with the pack for meat or fish she would instead forage for plants because unlike the mirror pack that raised her she was a vegetarian.
One day Shalni left the safety of her pack, and with a heavy heart she traveled to the Southern Icefield and into the Snowsquall Tundra, where she could feel in her heart would be the place where the found other tundras like her.
Shalni's destiny was uncertain, and only time would tell the fate of this dragon...
@Imarru
Snowsquall was born in the Sunbeam Ruins in the Mirrorlight Promenade. Despite being a light dragon, Snowsquall was still a tundra, therefore his thick tundra coat overheated him almost every day; despite that disadvantage, he enjoyed living in Sunbeam Ruins, but something was missing...
Pearlcatchers and imperials were native to Sunbeam Ruins, therefore the majority of dragons that lived there were either Pearlcatchers or imperials; there were other species of dragons too, but Snowsquall hadn't seen any tundras that lived there, he'd only seen tundras that were visiting, and those visits were cut short because all the other tundras that visited would quickly get overheated like he did, except unlike him they were at a disadvantage, they weren't used to the heat like he was.
The Sunbeam Ruins was lonely for Snowsquall because he wasn't among his own species most of the time. Snowsquall had heard many stories about the Southern Icefield, particularly the Snowsquall Tundra, where the majority of dragons that lived there were tundras, and how the temperature was cold and the land was icy, this sounded like paradise to him.
After hearing many more stories about the Snowsquall Tundra in the Southern Icefield, it sounded too good to be true! Making his decision without any hesitation Snowsquall decided to visit the Snowsquall Tundra in the Southern Icefield, but what he didn't know was his visit was going to be permanent!
[url=http://flightrising.com/main.php?dragon=41701122]
[img]http://flightrising.com/rendern/350/417012/41701122_350.png[/img]
[/url]
@Imarru
Snowsquall was born in the Sunbeam Ruins in the Mirrorlight Promenade. Despite being a light dragon, Snowsquall was still a tundra, therefore his thick tundra coat overheated him almost every day; despite that disadvantage, he enjoyed living in Sunbeam Ruins, but something was missing...
Pearlcatchers and imperials were native to Sunbeam Ruins, therefore the majority of dragons that lived there were either Pearlcatchers or imperials; there were other species of dragons too, but Snowsquall hadn't seen any tundras that lived there, he'd only seen tundras that were visiting, and those visits were cut short because all the other tundras that visited would quickly get overheated like he did, except unlike him they were at a disadvantage, they weren't used to the heat like he was.
The Sunbeam Ruins was lonely for Snowsquall because he wasn't among his own species most of the time. Snowsquall had heard many stories about the Southern Icefield, particularly the Snowsquall Tundra, where the majority of dragons that lived there were tundras, and how the temperature was cold and the land was icy, this sounded like paradise to him.
After hearing many more stories about the Snowsquall Tundra in the Southern Icefield, it sounded too good to be true! Making his decision without any hesitation Snowsquall decided to visit the Snowsquall Tundra in the Southern Icefield, but what he didn't know was his visit was going to be permanent!
Snowsquall was born in the Sunbeam Ruins in the Mirrorlight Promenade. Despite being a light dragon, Snowsquall was still a tundra, therefore his thick tundra coat overheated him almost every day; despite that disadvantage, he enjoyed living in Sunbeam Ruins, but something was missing...
Pearlcatchers and imperials were native to Sunbeam Ruins, therefore the majority of dragons that lived there were either Pearlcatchers or imperials; there were other species of dragons too, but Snowsquall hadn't seen any tundras that lived there, he'd only seen tundras that were visiting, and those visits were cut short because all the other tundras that visited would quickly get overheated like he did, except unlike him they were at a disadvantage, they weren't used to the heat like he was.
The Sunbeam Ruins was lonely for Snowsquall because he wasn't among his own species most of the time. Snowsquall had heard many stories about the Southern Icefield, particularly the Snowsquall Tundra, where the majority of dragons that lived there were tundras, and how the temperature was cold and the land was icy, this sounded like paradise to him.
After hearing many more stories about the Snowsquall Tundra in the Southern Icefield, it sounded too good to be true! Making his decision without any hesitation Snowsquall decided to visit the Snowsquall Tundra in the Southern Icefield, but what he didn't know was his visit was going to be permanent!
@llllllllllllllll
First, let me say that I am a little picky on where this girl goes. I've had her long enough that I've started to get attached. Having said that, I'm looking for maybe a little more creativity. The premise of what you have written is fine, but the writing could flow a little better. It reads like you've plugged buzzwords into a formula. Especially after reading what you wrote for @/Immaru's dragon. The two stories feel like you subbed in place names and dragon traits into what is essentially the same plot. You did pick up on some of my ideas for her lore, and I appreciate that but feel free to go your own way. A story unique to Shalni would be welcome.
First, let me say that I am a little picky on where this girl goes. I've had her long enough that I've started to get attached. Having said that, I'm looking for maybe a little more creativity. The premise of what you have written is fine, but the writing could flow a little better. It reads like you've plugged buzzwords into a formula. Especially after reading what you wrote for @/Immaru's dragon. The two stories feel like you subbed in place names and dragon traits into what is essentially the same plot. You did pick up on some of my ideas for her lore, and I appreciate that but feel free to go your own way. A story unique to Shalni would be welcome.
@llllllllllllllll
First, let me say that I am a little picky on where this girl goes. I've had her long enough that I've started to get attached. Having said that, I'm looking for maybe a little more creativity. The premise of what you have written is fine, but the writing could flow a little better. It reads like you've plugged buzzwords into a formula. Especially after reading what you wrote for @/Immaru's dragon. The two stories feel like you subbed in place names and dragon traits into what is essentially the same plot. You did pick up on some of my ideas for her lore, and I appreciate that but feel free to go your own way. A story unique to Shalni would be welcome.
First, let me say that I am a little picky on where this girl goes. I've had her long enough that I've started to get attached. Having said that, I'm looking for maybe a little more creativity. The premise of what you have written is fine, but the writing could flow a little better. It reads like you've plugged buzzwords into a formula. Especially after reading what you wrote for @/Immaru's dragon. The two stories feel like you subbed in place names and dragon traits into what is essentially the same plot. You did pick up on some of my ideas for her lore, and I appreciate that but feel free to go your own way. A story unique to Shalni would be welcome.
@Snowki
I have the tendency to start short stories out similarly, usually saying where they live because of that's a good sentence starter for me. You're right though, I shouldn't have started the stories out similarly, I should've used more creativity. I appreciate your input, I enjoy constructive criticism because it helps me become a better writer.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to apply to adopt this dragon, I appreciate it.
I hope you have a good day/night. :)
I have the tendency to start short stories out similarly, usually saying where they live because of that's a good sentence starter for me. You're right though, I shouldn't have started the stories out similarly, I should've used more creativity. I appreciate your input, I enjoy constructive criticism because it helps me become a better writer.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to apply to adopt this dragon, I appreciate it.
I hope you have a good day/night. :)
@Snowki
I have the tendency to start short stories out similarly, usually saying where they live because of that's a good sentence starter for me. You're right though, I shouldn't have started the stories out similarly, I should've used more creativity. I appreciate your input, I enjoy constructive criticism because it helps me become a better writer.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to apply to adopt this dragon, I appreciate it.
I hope you have a good day/night. :)
I have the tendency to start short stories out similarly, usually saying where they live because of that's a good sentence starter for me. You're right though, I shouldn't have started the stories out similarly, I should've used more creativity. I appreciate your input, I enjoy constructive criticism because it helps me become a better writer.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to apply to adopt this dragon, I appreciate it.
I hope you have a good day/night. :)
@Fraybird I'd love to be added to the pinglist for this, both as a source of inspiration for lore writing, but also as a good reminder for if/when I have dragons I want to adopt out :)
@Fraybird I'd love to be added to the pinglist for this, both as a source of inspiration for lore writing, but also as a good reminder for if/when I have dragons I want to adopt out :)
@llllllllllllllll
I agree with @/Snowki, the stories are too similar. You also seem to hyper focus on location, maybe try to include the dragon's personality. And honestly, I'm bad at writing so I appreciate the attempt. Feel free to try again.
I agree with @/Snowki, the stories are too similar. You also seem to hyper focus on location, maybe try to include the dragon's personality. And honestly, I'm bad at writing so I appreciate the attempt. Feel free to try again.
@llllllllllllllll
I agree with @/Snowki, the stories are too similar. You also seem to hyper focus on location, maybe try to include the dragon's personality. And honestly, I'm bad at writing so I appreciate the attempt. Feel free to try again.
I agree with @/Snowki, the stories are too similar. You also seem to hyper focus on location, maybe try to include the dragon's personality. And honestly, I'm bad at writing so I appreciate the attempt. Feel free to try again.