@64ky
Course! Apologies for late response. I'll get you added.
Course! Apologies for late response. I'll get you added.
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Creative Corner
Share your own art and stories, or ask for critique.
TOPIC | Using this as an example thread now!
@HeartBlade1869
I finished up your piece! I'll admit I had a bit of a struggle with the inspiration for this guy, so I hope I portrayed him and his clan well. If anything needs to be changed, do let me know!
[quote name=]
His clan kept their distance, despite them knowing he was specifically chosen for his task, and therefore could not help it. It seemed inhumane. Taken from his nest one night, only to be presented with a cowl to cover his eyes til he could no longer see into it. The Mirror didn't see it this way though; preferring to stay optimistic. Although, he doesn't have much memory of what happened regardless....
The training Yatika endured since he was taken that one night kept him in solitude for the most part. Being told to meditate in a dark room until he could hear voices, voices of the deities that made up their world. It was like second nature to him. The mask he wore melded into his scales like a second skin. His instructions: Never take it off. He never questioned it. He and his mentors were just happy with his progress.
Whenever in the off chance that he would go out to socialize, the other dragons shifted their gazes and shuffled away. Seeing as he couldn't speak a full sentence without stuttering, pausing, or swapping entirely as if he was talking to someone else. They did their best to be kind to him though. And at the end of the day he'd bounce away back to his solitude.
As the hours and days went by Yatika would grow exceptionally more skilled at his task. Able to snap to the void of communication where he'd hear the message of the Plaguebringer. Tales of churning ooze and armies of dragons filled his head.
Although as his training went on, it wasn't always the deities he spoke to. Other voices whispered into his ears. Sometimes they spoke incoherent babble. Sometimes they screamed, and he'd just scream right back. They echo'd the halls of his abode, driving others further from him. He never saw it abnormal, and eventually talked to "them" in public. It was to a point where... he didn't quite know how to be alone anymore. And so whenever he was, it was an unfortunate sight for others to witness; him slowly delving into his own mind deeper and deeper, bordering madness. Occasionally along the way an odd hobby or two would peak his interest but he never went far with them, as the voices would halt all progress.
His clan-mates fear of him, forever growing as they watched him go by. Giggling to himself as he trotted along. Some would tentatively shout a greeting. Every now and then they'd even attempt to strike conversation, to no avail.
Until he'd grow old he'd pass messages back and forth to his superiors. Maybe they wouldn't always be the words of their deities. Truthfully it was up to Yatika whether they were or not, and whether he'd lie. They began to grow skeptical of him, and eventually a seer was hired to weed out the truth. That seer, in short, did not succeed, for Yatika was much more adept at his skills then they all thought. Or perhaps it was he didn't know the truth himself. In the end, they all stayed in their ignorance, saying the seer was in-fact correct.
And at the end of every day, he'd go back to his home into the dark and listen to the whispers of the divine, and the hellish. A job "well" done. Nothing in the world to him could be better.
[/quote]
@HeartBlade1869
I finished up your piece! I'll admit I had a bit of a struggle with the inspiration for this guy, so I hope I portrayed him and his clan well. If anything needs to be changed, do let me know!
I finished up your piece! I'll admit I had a bit of a struggle with the inspiration for this guy, so I hope I portrayed him and his clan well. If anything needs to be changed, do let me know!
wrote:
His clan kept their distance, despite them knowing he was specifically chosen for his task, and therefore could not help it. It seemed inhumane. Taken from his nest one night, only to be presented with a cowl to cover his eyes til he could no longer see into it. The Mirror didn't see it this way though; preferring to stay optimistic. Although, he doesn't have much memory of what happened regardless....
The training Yatika endured since he was taken that one night kept him in solitude for the most part. Being told to meditate in a dark room until he could hear voices, voices of the deities that made up their world. It was like second nature to him. The mask he wore melded into his scales like a second skin. His instructions: Never take it off. He never questioned it. He and his mentors were just happy with his progress.
Whenever in the off chance that he would go out to socialize, the other dragons shifted their gazes and shuffled away. Seeing as he couldn't speak a full sentence without stuttering, pausing, or swapping entirely as if he was talking to someone else. They did their best to be kind to him though. And at the end of the day he'd bounce away back to his solitude.
As the hours and days went by Yatika would grow exceptionally more skilled at his task. Able to snap to the void of communication where he'd hear the message of the Plaguebringer. Tales of churning ooze and armies of dragons filled his head.
Although as his training went on, it wasn't always the deities he spoke to. Other voices whispered into his ears. Sometimes they spoke incoherent babble. Sometimes they screamed, and he'd just scream right back. They echo'd the halls of his abode, driving others further from him. He never saw it abnormal, and eventually talked to "them" in public. It was to a point where... he didn't quite know how to be alone anymore. And so whenever he was, it was an unfortunate sight for others to witness; him slowly delving into his own mind deeper and deeper, bordering madness. Occasionally along the way an odd hobby or two would peak his interest but he never went far with them, as the voices would halt all progress.
His clan-mates fear of him, forever growing as they watched him go by. Giggling to himself as he trotted along. Some would tentatively shout a greeting. Every now and then they'd even attempt to strike conversation, to no avail.
Until he'd grow old he'd pass messages back and forth to his superiors. Maybe they wouldn't always be the words of their deities. Truthfully it was up to Yatika whether they were or not, and whether he'd lie. They began to grow skeptical of him, and eventually a seer was hired to weed out the truth. That seer, in short, did not succeed, for Yatika was much more adept at his skills then they all thought. Or perhaps it was he didn't know the truth himself. In the end, they all stayed in their ignorance, saying the seer was in-fact correct.
And at the end of every day, he'd go back to his home into the dark and listen to the whispers of the divine, and the hellish. A job "well" done. Nothing in the world to him could be better.
The training Yatika endured since he was taken that one night kept him in solitude for the most part. Being told to meditate in a dark room until he could hear voices, voices of the deities that made up their world. It was like second nature to him. The mask he wore melded into his scales like a second skin. His instructions: Never take it off. He never questioned it. He and his mentors were just happy with his progress.
Whenever in the off chance that he would go out to socialize, the other dragons shifted their gazes and shuffled away. Seeing as he couldn't speak a full sentence without stuttering, pausing, or swapping entirely as if he was talking to someone else. They did their best to be kind to him though. And at the end of the day he'd bounce away back to his solitude.
As the hours and days went by Yatika would grow exceptionally more skilled at his task. Able to snap to the void of communication where he'd hear the message of the Plaguebringer. Tales of churning ooze and armies of dragons filled his head.
Although as his training went on, it wasn't always the deities he spoke to. Other voices whispered into his ears. Sometimes they spoke incoherent babble. Sometimes they screamed, and he'd just scream right back. They echo'd the halls of his abode, driving others further from him. He never saw it abnormal, and eventually talked to "them" in public. It was to a point where... he didn't quite know how to be alone anymore. And so whenever he was, it was an unfortunate sight for others to witness; him slowly delving into his own mind deeper and deeper, bordering madness. Occasionally along the way an odd hobby or two would peak his interest but he never went far with them, as the voices would halt all progress.
His clan-mates fear of him, forever growing as they watched him go by. Giggling to himself as he trotted along. Some would tentatively shout a greeting. Every now and then they'd even attempt to strike conversation, to no avail.
Until he'd grow old he'd pass messages back and forth to his superiors. Maybe they wouldn't always be the words of their deities. Truthfully it was up to Yatika whether they were or not, and whether he'd lie. They began to grow skeptical of him, and eventually a seer was hired to weed out the truth. That seer, in short, did not succeed, for Yatika was much more adept at his skills then they all thought. Or perhaps it was he didn't know the truth himself. In the end, they all stayed in their ignorance, saying the seer was in-fact correct.
And at the end of every day, he'd go back to his home into the dark and listen to the whispers of the divine, and the hellish. A job "well" done. Nothing in the world to him could be better.
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@PhoenixMiko
Your request is done! I decided to do a scene with them all in it, since I needed to work on making smooth dialogue. First person also is a bit out of my comfort zone, so I hope you like it! If I didn't portray the characters well and something needs to be changed, do tell.
Your boy kinda gave me a bit of a scatterbrained vibe, and although he's really awkward and such I figured due to his intelligence, if things came down to it he'd become a boss, to say the least XD
Your request is done! I decided to do a scene with them all in it, since I needed to work on making smooth dialogue. First person also is a bit out of my comfort zone, so I hope you like it! If I didn't portray the characters well and something needs to be changed, do tell.
Your boy kinda gave me a bit of a scatterbrained vibe, and although he's really awkward and such I figured due to his intelligence, if things came down to it he'd become a boss, to say the least XD
Quote:
Squinting through the telescope, I blindly scribbled the various shapes I saw unto the parchment next to me. "Hmm..." Letting out a huff, I stepped back and observed the product of my efforts. A perfectly mapped star chart rested on the desk. I chuckled. "I'm getting too good at this." Mumbling to myself. Briskly picking up the map I absentmindedly taped it to the wall next to the others. The work day had been busy. Mapping out charts and casting charms for others....
What was I going to have for lunch again...?
An anvil suddenly felt like it had dropped on my head, and I started to sweat. I was supposed to meet Thayn for lunch.
My head snapped to the clock. It was indeed, way past the designated time. Hauling myself to my feet I hastily stashed my scrolls back into the drawers. The maps on the walls flew up as I did so in my rush. Slipping on the marble floor I stumbled out the door into the ashen air of my home; slamming said door behind me in the process. She's going to kill me for this!
----
Trotting swiftly through the street, my eyes locked onto any clocks I could find, momentarily forgetting everything else. My clan-mates shot me looks as I practically ran into them. "Watch it!" "Sorry!" I called back, hurrying onward. Beads of sweat dripped down my face. Let's hope I'm- Oh no.
It was as I figured. Thayn stood by our meeting place; a smoldering ember tree near the center of town. A peaceful place for both of us. It was especially beautiful at night, when you could look up and see the stars, and it'd look as if they were dancing in the flames.... But of course, Chrysalis had to show up. Wonderful. Alright Hugo, just straighten yourself up and breathe. If he sees your hesitance there will be no end to this madness....
Holding my head high I walked forward. Both dragons immediately spotted me, but I chose to keep my gaze on my mate. The look in her eyes... there was that spark of playful annoyance. A small smile formed on her face, and my stress deflated like a balloon. Of course, she already knew of my habits and had forgiven me immediately. How silly of me to be so worried.
The trance was snapped however when a certain annoyance called out to me....
"Hey Hugo!" Chrysalis yelled to me, waving me over. That false smile on his face, it prickled at my senses. Sighing I stepped forward. Thayn had also noticeably deflated. We shared a silent look that both of us knew all too well. "Time for this madness again" was the thought we both had.
The air between us was noticeably tense. One could come along and burst it open with a simple claw-stroke. I spoke up first, dipping my head in greeting. "Thayn, ...Chrysalis." I cleared my throat, more sweat dripping down my face. "How goes it?" "Everything is well. Although as I recall, you were supposed to be here an hour and a half ago." Thayn cheekily grinned, raising an eyebrow. Grinning sheepishly I was about to reply before a certain someone cut me off. "So our champion over here still hasn't gotten over his habit of keeping the lady-in-waiting well... waiting." I heard Thayn scoff as I stared at Chrysalis, doing my best to keep a straight face. I shuffled awkwardly. "Don't be like that, you know how busy he is." She spoke with a twinge of annoyance.
It wasn't the fact that I was overly busy, more of I kept getting lost in my head.... I swallowed heavily. Could've sworn Chrysalis let out a growl at that comment. "Yeah well, busy or not. He should know how to treat a lovely lady such as yourself. Luckily I was here to keep you company." Oh give it up already, I thought. You're not even being subtle anymore. Passerby's were starting to glance over at us now. Appears our tense atmosphere is spreading... I glanced over at Thayn, who was growing increasingly agitated; which was represented by the scowl on her face.
I stood there dumbly as silence washed over us. Both of them looked at me and my eyes widened. Of course they would've expected me to say something.
Thayn sighed and shook her head, walking over to me and putting a hand on my shoulder. Her touch was fuzzy and warm, comforting. "Come on, you're here now so let's go." Her scowl had vanished but had been exchanged with a blank look. Hopefully that look was for her just wanting to get away from him; as of course, Chrysalis was slightly correct, and later she was going to remind me to be on time. Not able to bring myself to say anything, I simply nodded.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Chrysalis clench his teeth, his eyes were narrowed. "Hey guys, you can't leave already! Mr. Late-to-Everything just got here!" Both of us froze and looked at him. Thayn narrowed her eyes back at him, and I was at my boiling point. Without thinking I let my jaws fly open. "Excuse me, but now that I'm here I would like to make up for my mistake by spending time with my mate alone. Is that alright with you?" My ears flattened as I stared at him. He blinked. Once again silence swept over us. I coughed, shrinking back slightly. At this movement he smirked. "Maybe it isn't?" He taunted.
A soft tug on my sleeve caused me to look over. "Let's just get out of here." Thayn whispered to me. I looked back up at the annoyance who was seemingly aware of what was happening, and was about to open his mouth. However instead of listening I just nodded to Thayn and started to walk away; which she happily followed me.
Behind us we could hear Chrysalis shouting at us, or me rather, but we didn't care to listen. I smiled warmly at her. Now to just make up for my mistakes.... We made sure that we both had the rest of the day for me to do so.
What was I going to have for lunch again...?
An anvil suddenly felt like it had dropped on my head, and I started to sweat. I was supposed to meet Thayn for lunch.
My head snapped to the clock. It was indeed, way past the designated time. Hauling myself to my feet I hastily stashed my scrolls back into the drawers. The maps on the walls flew up as I did so in my rush. Slipping on the marble floor I stumbled out the door into the ashen air of my home; slamming said door behind me in the process. She's going to kill me for this!
----
Trotting swiftly through the street, my eyes locked onto any clocks I could find, momentarily forgetting everything else. My clan-mates shot me looks as I practically ran into them. "Watch it!" "Sorry!" I called back, hurrying onward. Beads of sweat dripped down my face. Let's hope I'm- Oh no.
It was as I figured. Thayn stood by our meeting place; a smoldering ember tree near the center of town. A peaceful place for both of us. It was especially beautiful at night, when you could look up and see the stars, and it'd look as if they were dancing in the flames.... But of course, Chrysalis had to show up. Wonderful. Alright Hugo, just straighten yourself up and breathe. If he sees your hesitance there will be no end to this madness....
Holding my head high I walked forward. Both dragons immediately spotted me, but I chose to keep my gaze on my mate. The look in her eyes... there was that spark of playful annoyance. A small smile formed on her face, and my stress deflated like a balloon. Of course, she already knew of my habits and had forgiven me immediately. How silly of me to be so worried.
The trance was snapped however when a certain annoyance called out to me....
"Hey Hugo!" Chrysalis yelled to me, waving me over. That false smile on his face, it prickled at my senses. Sighing I stepped forward. Thayn had also noticeably deflated. We shared a silent look that both of us knew all too well. "Time for this madness again" was the thought we both had.
The air between us was noticeably tense. One could come along and burst it open with a simple claw-stroke. I spoke up first, dipping my head in greeting. "Thayn, ...Chrysalis." I cleared my throat, more sweat dripping down my face. "How goes it?" "Everything is well. Although as I recall, you were supposed to be here an hour and a half ago." Thayn cheekily grinned, raising an eyebrow. Grinning sheepishly I was about to reply before a certain someone cut me off. "So our champion over here still hasn't gotten over his habit of keeping the lady-in-waiting well... waiting." I heard Thayn scoff as I stared at Chrysalis, doing my best to keep a straight face. I shuffled awkwardly. "Don't be like that, you know how busy he is." She spoke with a twinge of annoyance.
It wasn't the fact that I was overly busy, more of I kept getting lost in my head.... I swallowed heavily. Could've sworn Chrysalis let out a growl at that comment. "Yeah well, busy or not. He should know how to treat a lovely lady such as yourself. Luckily I was here to keep you company." Oh give it up already, I thought. You're not even being subtle anymore. Passerby's were starting to glance over at us now. Appears our tense atmosphere is spreading... I glanced over at Thayn, who was growing increasingly agitated; which was represented by the scowl on her face.
I stood there dumbly as silence washed over us. Both of them looked at me and my eyes widened. Of course they would've expected me to say something.
Thayn sighed and shook her head, walking over to me and putting a hand on my shoulder. Her touch was fuzzy and warm, comforting. "Come on, you're here now so let's go." Her scowl had vanished but had been exchanged with a blank look. Hopefully that look was for her just wanting to get away from him; as of course, Chrysalis was slightly correct, and later she was going to remind me to be on time. Not able to bring myself to say anything, I simply nodded.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Chrysalis clench his teeth, his eyes were narrowed. "Hey guys, you can't leave already! Mr. Late-to-Everything just got here!" Both of us froze and looked at him. Thayn narrowed her eyes back at him, and I was at my boiling point. Without thinking I let my jaws fly open. "Excuse me, but now that I'm here I would like to make up for my mistake by spending time with my mate alone. Is that alright with you?" My ears flattened as I stared at him. He blinked. Once again silence swept over us. I coughed, shrinking back slightly. At this movement he smirked. "Maybe it isn't?" He taunted.
A soft tug on my sleeve caused me to look over. "Let's just get out of here." Thayn whispered to me. I looked back up at the annoyance who was seemingly aware of what was happening, and was about to open his mouth. However instead of listening I just nodded to Thayn and started to walk away; which she happily followed me.
Behind us we could hear Chrysalis shouting at us, or me rather, but we didn't care to listen. I smiled warmly at her. Now to just make up for my mistakes.... We made sure that we both had the rest of the day for me to do so.
@PhoenixMiko
Your request is done! I decided to do a scene with them all in it, since I needed to work on making smooth dialogue. First person also is a bit out of my comfort zone, so I hope you like it! If I didn't portray the characters well and something needs to be changed, do tell.
Your boy kinda gave me a bit of a scatterbrained vibe, and although he's really awkward and such I figured due to his intelligence, if things came down to it he'd become a boss, to say the least XD
Your request is done! I decided to do a scene with them all in it, since I needed to work on making smooth dialogue. First person also is a bit out of my comfort zone, so I hope you like it! If I didn't portray the characters well and something needs to be changed, do tell.
Your boy kinda gave me a bit of a scatterbrained vibe, and although he's really awkward and such I figured due to his intelligence, if things came down to it he'd become a boss, to say the least XD
Quote:
Squinting through the telescope, I blindly scribbled the various shapes I saw unto the parchment next to me. "Hmm..." Letting out a huff, I stepped back and observed the product of my efforts. A perfectly mapped star chart rested on the desk. I chuckled. "I'm getting too good at this." Mumbling to myself. Briskly picking up the map I absentmindedly taped it to the wall next to the others. The work day had been busy. Mapping out charts and casting charms for others....
What was I going to have for lunch again...?
An anvil suddenly felt like it had dropped on my head, and I started to sweat. I was supposed to meet Thayn for lunch.
My head snapped to the clock. It was indeed, way past the designated time. Hauling myself to my feet I hastily stashed my scrolls back into the drawers. The maps on the walls flew up as I did so in my rush. Slipping on the marble floor I stumbled out the door into the ashen air of my home; slamming said door behind me in the process. She's going to kill me for this!
----
Trotting swiftly through the street, my eyes locked onto any clocks I could find, momentarily forgetting everything else. My clan-mates shot me looks as I practically ran into them. "Watch it!" "Sorry!" I called back, hurrying onward. Beads of sweat dripped down my face. Let's hope I'm- Oh no.
It was as I figured. Thayn stood by our meeting place; a smoldering ember tree near the center of town. A peaceful place for both of us. It was especially beautiful at night, when you could look up and see the stars, and it'd look as if they were dancing in the flames.... But of course, Chrysalis had to show up. Wonderful. Alright Hugo, just straighten yourself up and breathe. If he sees your hesitance there will be no end to this madness....
Holding my head high I walked forward. Both dragons immediately spotted me, but I chose to keep my gaze on my mate. The look in her eyes... there was that spark of playful annoyance. A small smile formed on her face, and my stress deflated like a balloon. Of course, she already knew of my habits and had forgiven me immediately. How silly of me to be so worried.
The trance was snapped however when a certain annoyance called out to me....
"Hey Hugo!" Chrysalis yelled to me, waving me over. That false smile on his face, it prickled at my senses. Sighing I stepped forward. Thayn had also noticeably deflated. We shared a silent look that both of us knew all too well. "Time for this madness again" was the thought we both had.
The air between us was noticeably tense. One could come along and burst it open with a simple claw-stroke. I spoke up first, dipping my head in greeting. "Thayn, ...Chrysalis." I cleared my throat, more sweat dripping down my face. "How goes it?" "Everything is well. Although as I recall, you were supposed to be here an hour and a half ago." Thayn cheekily grinned, raising an eyebrow. Grinning sheepishly I was about to reply before a certain someone cut me off. "So our champion over here still hasn't gotten over his habit of keeping the lady-in-waiting well... waiting." I heard Thayn scoff as I stared at Chrysalis, doing my best to keep a straight face. I shuffled awkwardly. "Don't be like that, you know how busy he is." She spoke with a twinge of annoyance.
It wasn't the fact that I was overly busy, more of I kept getting lost in my head.... I swallowed heavily. Could've sworn Chrysalis let out a growl at that comment. "Yeah well, busy or not. He should know how to treat a lovely lady such as yourself. Luckily I was here to keep you company." Oh give it up already, I thought. You're not even being subtle anymore. Passerby's were starting to glance over at us now. Appears our tense atmosphere is spreading... I glanced over at Thayn, who was growing increasingly agitated; which was represented by the scowl on her face.
I stood there dumbly as silence washed over us. Both of them looked at me and my eyes widened. Of course they would've expected me to say something.
Thayn sighed and shook her head, walking over to me and putting a hand on my shoulder. Her touch was fuzzy and warm, comforting. "Come on, you're here now so let's go." Her scowl had vanished but had been exchanged with a blank look. Hopefully that look was for her just wanting to get away from him; as of course, Chrysalis was slightly correct, and later she was going to remind me to be on time. Not able to bring myself to say anything, I simply nodded.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Chrysalis clench his teeth, his eyes were narrowed. "Hey guys, you can't leave already! Mr. Late-to-Everything just got here!" Both of us froze and looked at him. Thayn narrowed her eyes back at him, and I was at my boiling point. Without thinking I let my jaws fly open. "Excuse me, but now that I'm here I would like to make up for my mistake by spending time with my mate alone. Is that alright with you?" My ears flattened as I stared at him. He blinked. Once again silence swept over us. I coughed, shrinking back slightly. At this movement he smirked. "Maybe it isn't?" He taunted.
A soft tug on my sleeve caused me to look over. "Let's just get out of here." Thayn whispered to me. I looked back up at the annoyance who was seemingly aware of what was happening, and was about to open his mouth. However instead of listening I just nodded to Thayn and started to walk away; which she happily followed me.
Behind us we could hear Chrysalis shouting at us, or me rather, but we didn't care to listen. I smiled warmly at her. Now to just make up for my mistakes.... We made sure that we both had the rest of the day for me to do so.
What was I going to have for lunch again...?
An anvil suddenly felt like it had dropped on my head, and I started to sweat. I was supposed to meet Thayn for lunch.
My head snapped to the clock. It was indeed, way past the designated time. Hauling myself to my feet I hastily stashed my scrolls back into the drawers. The maps on the walls flew up as I did so in my rush. Slipping on the marble floor I stumbled out the door into the ashen air of my home; slamming said door behind me in the process. She's going to kill me for this!
----
Trotting swiftly through the street, my eyes locked onto any clocks I could find, momentarily forgetting everything else. My clan-mates shot me looks as I practically ran into them. "Watch it!" "Sorry!" I called back, hurrying onward. Beads of sweat dripped down my face. Let's hope I'm- Oh no.
It was as I figured. Thayn stood by our meeting place; a smoldering ember tree near the center of town. A peaceful place for both of us. It was especially beautiful at night, when you could look up and see the stars, and it'd look as if they were dancing in the flames.... But of course, Chrysalis had to show up. Wonderful. Alright Hugo, just straighten yourself up and breathe. If he sees your hesitance there will be no end to this madness....
Holding my head high I walked forward. Both dragons immediately spotted me, but I chose to keep my gaze on my mate. The look in her eyes... there was that spark of playful annoyance. A small smile formed on her face, and my stress deflated like a balloon. Of course, she already knew of my habits and had forgiven me immediately. How silly of me to be so worried.
The trance was snapped however when a certain annoyance called out to me....
"Hey Hugo!" Chrysalis yelled to me, waving me over. That false smile on his face, it prickled at my senses. Sighing I stepped forward. Thayn had also noticeably deflated. We shared a silent look that both of us knew all too well. "Time for this madness again" was the thought we both had.
The air between us was noticeably tense. One could come along and burst it open with a simple claw-stroke. I spoke up first, dipping my head in greeting. "Thayn, ...Chrysalis." I cleared my throat, more sweat dripping down my face. "How goes it?" "Everything is well. Although as I recall, you were supposed to be here an hour and a half ago." Thayn cheekily grinned, raising an eyebrow. Grinning sheepishly I was about to reply before a certain someone cut me off. "So our champion over here still hasn't gotten over his habit of keeping the lady-in-waiting well... waiting." I heard Thayn scoff as I stared at Chrysalis, doing my best to keep a straight face. I shuffled awkwardly. "Don't be like that, you know how busy he is." She spoke with a twinge of annoyance.
It wasn't the fact that I was overly busy, more of I kept getting lost in my head.... I swallowed heavily. Could've sworn Chrysalis let out a growl at that comment. "Yeah well, busy or not. He should know how to treat a lovely lady such as yourself. Luckily I was here to keep you company." Oh give it up already, I thought. You're not even being subtle anymore. Passerby's were starting to glance over at us now. Appears our tense atmosphere is spreading... I glanced over at Thayn, who was growing increasingly agitated; which was represented by the scowl on her face.
I stood there dumbly as silence washed over us. Both of them looked at me and my eyes widened. Of course they would've expected me to say something.
Thayn sighed and shook her head, walking over to me and putting a hand on my shoulder. Her touch was fuzzy and warm, comforting. "Come on, you're here now so let's go." Her scowl had vanished but had been exchanged with a blank look. Hopefully that look was for her just wanting to get away from him; as of course, Chrysalis was slightly correct, and later she was going to remind me to be on time. Not able to bring myself to say anything, I simply nodded.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Chrysalis clench his teeth, his eyes were narrowed. "Hey guys, you can't leave already! Mr. Late-to-Everything just got here!" Both of us froze and looked at him. Thayn narrowed her eyes back at him, and I was at my boiling point. Without thinking I let my jaws fly open. "Excuse me, but now that I'm here I would like to make up for my mistake by spending time with my mate alone. Is that alright with you?" My ears flattened as I stared at him. He blinked. Once again silence swept over us. I coughed, shrinking back slightly. At this movement he smirked. "Maybe it isn't?" He taunted.
A soft tug on my sleeve caused me to look over. "Let's just get out of here." Thayn whispered to me. I looked back up at the annoyance who was seemingly aware of what was happening, and was about to open his mouth. However instead of listening I just nodded to Thayn and started to walk away; which she happily followed me.
Behind us we could hear Chrysalis shouting at us, or me rather, but we didn't care to listen. I smiled warmly at her. Now to just make up for my mistakes.... We made sure that we both had the rest of the day for me to do so.
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@CloverGaming
Oh my goodness! That was absolutely amazing, dear! You captured him quite well, actually, and the clan too! Why, I am so blown away and so joyed over reading what you wrote up for Yatika, I thank you a ton! Breathing life into him.
You truly do have a way with words - capturing the personality and the situation - and my apologies for your struggle. I hope Yatika wasn't too hard to write for you.
But nevertheless I am overjoyed~ I really appreciate your wonderful way of crafting these snippets!
As a side note, I don't suppose I couldn't have you write up lore for another dragon of mine whenever you have another slot open and the time? I was simply enthralled, I can't help but ask for one more go~ And if not, I thank you very kindly!
Oh my goodness! That was absolutely amazing, dear! You captured him quite well, actually, and the clan too! Why, I am so blown away and so joyed over reading what you wrote up for Yatika, I thank you a ton! Breathing life into him.
You truly do have a way with words - capturing the personality and the situation - and my apologies for your struggle. I hope Yatika wasn't too hard to write for you.
But nevertheless I am overjoyed~ I really appreciate your wonderful way of crafting these snippets!
As a side note, I don't suppose I couldn't have you write up lore for another dragon of mine whenever you have another slot open and the time? I was simply enthralled, I can't help but ask for one more go~ And if not, I thank you very kindly!
@CloverGaming
Oh my goodness! That was absolutely amazing, dear! You captured him quite well, actually, and the clan too! Why, I am so blown away and so joyed over reading what you wrote up for Yatika, I thank you a ton! Breathing life into him.
You truly do have a way with words - capturing the personality and the situation - and my apologies for your struggle. I hope Yatika wasn't too hard to write for you.
But nevertheless I am overjoyed~ I really appreciate your wonderful way of crafting these snippets!
As a side note, I don't suppose I couldn't have you write up lore for another dragon of mine whenever you have another slot open and the time? I was simply enthralled, I can't help but ask for one more go~ And if not, I thank you very kindly!
Oh my goodness! That was absolutely amazing, dear! You captured him quite well, actually, and the clan too! Why, I am so blown away and so joyed over reading what you wrote up for Yatika, I thank you a ton! Breathing life into him.
You truly do have a way with words - capturing the personality and the situation - and my apologies for your struggle. I hope Yatika wasn't too hard to write for you.
But nevertheless I am overjoyed~ I really appreciate your wonderful way of crafting these snippets!
As a side note, I don't suppose I couldn't have you write up lore for another dragon of mine whenever you have another slot open and the time? I was simply enthralled, I can't help but ask for one more go~ And if not, I thank you very kindly!
@HeartBlade1869
Thank you so much! You give me too much credit lol. I'm glad I could do him justice though! He really is an interesting character. And no worries! He wasn't too hard to write for once I got the main draft written out.
Of course I can! If the two others on the list don't send in a dragon sometime soon I can fit you in again. I can also add you to a pinglist for the shop once it opens up, if they do end up not replying.
Thank you so much! You give me too much credit lol. I'm glad I could do him justice though! He really is an interesting character. And no worries! He wasn't too hard to write for once I got the main draft written out.
Of course I can! If the two others on the list don't send in a dragon sometime soon I can fit you in again. I can also add you to a pinglist for the shop once it opens up, if they do end up not replying.
@HeartBlade1869
Thank you so much! You give me too much credit lol. I'm glad I could do him justice though! He really is an interesting character. And no worries! He wasn't too hard to write for once I got the main draft written out.
Of course I can! If the two others on the list don't send in a dragon sometime soon I can fit you in again. I can also add you to a pinglist for the shop once it opens up, if they do end up not replying.
Thank you so much! You give me too much credit lol. I'm glad I could do him justice though! He really is an interesting character. And no worries! He wasn't too hard to write for once I got the main draft written out.
Of course I can! If the two others on the list don't send in a dragon sometime soon I can fit you in again. I can also add you to a pinglist for the shop once it opens up, if they do end up not replying.
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@CloverGaming
Thank you! ^^
First person writing isn't one of my strong points either since I tend to let a little too much of myself leak in. As a result, it looks like I'm the one talking and not my character. ^^;;
For the most part, it looks really good! ^-^ I love how you portrayed Hugo in all his awkward, scatterbrained glory! His little outburst at the end was a little too quick? Things like this could probably use more built-up tension? Perhaps if Chrysalis could have said something that really struck a cord, you know? Something like, "I don't even know why she chose a bumbling buffoon over me. I guess if you hang around stupid people, you're bound to get infected with their stupidity." It's lengthy/too wordy, I know, but something like that! Then, it'll show how much more Hugo cares for Thayn since he'll be angry for her sake and not for his own. This way, his character is slightly more developed! ^-^
Chrysalis was a little too casual? I always imagined him as being uptight and a stick in the mud. I don't think he's desperate for company either. He's more likely to insult you as you walk away, rather than ask you to stay. He is brash and very unpleasant, but he never compliments others, so that "lovely lady such as yourself" bit was a little strange haha. This is my fault since I didn't flesh him out for you properly. Sorry! ^^;;
On another note, when your characters say something, it would be best to place their sentences in different paragraphs for an easier read. For example:
This way, the readers would know that a different person is talking, lessening some confusion. ^-^
Another thing to note is, when you write down what a character is thinking, it would be best to use italics. I'm not certain for first person P.O.V.s but using italics (sometimes with single-quotes) helps differentiate the characters actual thoughts from the narrative. Example:
Finally, I noticed that you tend to switch from present to past tense. It is highly recommended that you stick to one tense for the whole story for an easier read.
All in all, this was very nice! I apologize for not providing you with more information on Thayn and Chrysalis. That one was really my fault. You did a lovely job with Hugo though! I'm able to form him better in my head, now thanks to you! ^-^ Oh, and I did enjoy how you described their special place at the center of the town. Stars dancing in flames~ very, very magical AND romantic! ^-^
I am also sorry for the lengthy response, but I hope this will help you in the long run! ^-^
Thank you so much for writing this, I love it! I hope you don't mind if I put this in Hugo's bio? With proper credit to you, of course! ^-^
Thank you! ^^
First person writing isn't one of my strong points either since I tend to let a little too much of myself leak in. As a result, it looks like I'm the one talking and not my character. ^^;;
For the most part, it looks really good! ^-^ I love how you portrayed Hugo in all his awkward, scatterbrained glory! His little outburst at the end was a little too quick? Things like this could probably use more built-up tension? Perhaps if Chrysalis could have said something that really struck a cord, you know? Something like, "I don't even know why she chose a bumbling buffoon over me. I guess if you hang around stupid people, you're bound to get infected with their stupidity." It's lengthy/too wordy, I know, but something like that! Then, it'll show how much more Hugo cares for Thayn since he'll be angry for her sake and not for his own. This way, his character is slightly more developed! ^-^
Chrysalis was a little too casual? I always imagined him as being uptight and a stick in the mud. I don't think he's desperate for company either. He's more likely to insult you as you walk away, rather than ask you to stay. He is brash and very unpleasant, but he never compliments others, so that "lovely lady such as yourself" bit was a little strange haha. This is my fault since I didn't flesh him out for you properly. Sorry! ^^;;
On another note, when your characters say something, it would be best to place their sentences in different paragraphs for an easier read. For example:
Quote:
The air between us was noticeably tense. One could come along and burst it open with a simple claw-stroke. I spoke up first, dipping my head in greeting. "Thayn, ...Chrysalis." I cleared my throat, more sweat dripping down my face. "How goes it?"
"Everything is well. Although as I recall, you were supposed to be here an hour and a half ago." Thayn cheekily grinned, raising an eyebrow.
Grinning sheepishly I was about to reply before a certain someone cut me off.
"So our champion over here still hasn't gotten over his habit of keeping the lady-in-waiting well... waiting."
I heard Thayn scoff as I stared at Chrysalis, doing my best to keep a straight face. I shuffled awkwardly. "Don't be like that, you know how busy he is." She spoke with a twinge of annoyance.
"Everything is well. Although as I recall, you were supposed to be here an hour and a half ago." Thayn cheekily grinned, raising an eyebrow.
Grinning sheepishly I was about to reply before a certain someone cut me off.
"So our champion over here still hasn't gotten over his habit of keeping the lady-in-waiting well... waiting."
I heard Thayn scoff as I stared at Chrysalis, doing my best to keep a straight face. I shuffled awkwardly. "Don't be like that, you know how busy he is." She spoke with a twinge of annoyance.
This way, the readers would know that a different person is talking, lessening some confusion. ^-^
Another thing to note is, when you write down what a character is thinking, it would be best to use italics. I'm not certain for first person P.O.V.s but using italics (sometimes with single-quotes) helps differentiate the characters actual thoughts from the narrative. Example:
Quote:
It wasn't the fact that I was overly busy, more of I kept getting lost in my head.... I swallowed heavily. Could've sworn Chrysalis let out a growl at that comment. "Yeah well, busy or not. He should know how to treat a lovely lady such as yourself. Luckily I was here to keep you company."
Oh give it up already, I thought. You're not even being subtle anymore. Passerby's were starting to glance over at us now. Appears our tense atmosphere is spreading... I glanced over at Thayn, who was growing increasingly agitated; which was represented by the scowl on her face.
Oh give it up already, I thought. You're not even being subtle anymore. Passerby's were starting to glance over at us now. Appears our tense atmosphere is spreading... I glanced over at Thayn, who was growing increasingly agitated; which was represented by the scowl on her face.
Finally, I noticed that you tend to switch from present to past tense. It is highly recommended that you stick to one tense for the whole story for an easier read.
All in all, this was very nice! I apologize for not providing you with more information on Thayn and Chrysalis. That one was really my fault. You did a lovely job with Hugo though! I'm able to form him better in my head, now thanks to you! ^-^ Oh, and I did enjoy how you described their special place at the center of the town. Stars dancing in flames~ very, very magical AND romantic! ^-^
I am also sorry for the lengthy response, but I hope this will help you in the long run! ^-^
Thank you so much for writing this, I love it! I hope you don't mind if I put this in Hugo's bio? With proper credit to you, of course! ^-^
@CloverGaming
Thank you! ^^
First person writing isn't one of my strong points either since I tend to let a little too much of myself leak in. As a result, it looks like I'm the one talking and not my character. ^^;;
For the most part, it looks really good! ^-^ I love how you portrayed Hugo in all his awkward, scatterbrained glory! His little outburst at the end was a little too quick? Things like this could probably use more built-up tension? Perhaps if Chrysalis could have said something that really struck a cord, you know? Something like, "I don't even know why she chose a bumbling buffoon over me. I guess if you hang around stupid people, you're bound to get infected with their stupidity." It's lengthy/too wordy, I know, but something like that! Then, it'll show how much more Hugo cares for Thayn since he'll be angry for her sake and not for his own. This way, his character is slightly more developed! ^-^
Chrysalis was a little too casual? I always imagined him as being uptight and a stick in the mud. I don't think he's desperate for company either. He's more likely to insult you as you walk away, rather than ask you to stay. He is brash and very unpleasant, but he never compliments others, so that "lovely lady such as yourself" bit was a little strange haha. This is my fault since I didn't flesh him out for you properly. Sorry! ^^;;
On another note, when your characters say something, it would be best to place their sentences in different paragraphs for an easier read. For example:
This way, the readers would know that a different person is talking, lessening some confusion. ^-^
Another thing to note is, when you write down what a character is thinking, it would be best to use italics. I'm not certain for first person P.O.V.s but using italics (sometimes with single-quotes) helps differentiate the characters actual thoughts from the narrative. Example:
Finally, I noticed that you tend to switch from present to past tense. It is highly recommended that you stick to one tense for the whole story for an easier read.
All in all, this was very nice! I apologize for not providing you with more information on Thayn and Chrysalis. That one was really my fault. You did a lovely job with Hugo though! I'm able to form him better in my head, now thanks to you! ^-^ Oh, and I did enjoy how you described their special place at the center of the town. Stars dancing in flames~ very, very magical AND romantic! ^-^
I am also sorry for the lengthy response, but I hope this will help you in the long run! ^-^
Thank you so much for writing this, I love it! I hope you don't mind if I put this in Hugo's bio? With proper credit to you, of course! ^-^
Thank you! ^^
First person writing isn't one of my strong points either since I tend to let a little too much of myself leak in. As a result, it looks like I'm the one talking and not my character. ^^;;
For the most part, it looks really good! ^-^ I love how you portrayed Hugo in all his awkward, scatterbrained glory! His little outburst at the end was a little too quick? Things like this could probably use more built-up tension? Perhaps if Chrysalis could have said something that really struck a cord, you know? Something like, "I don't even know why she chose a bumbling buffoon over me. I guess if you hang around stupid people, you're bound to get infected with their stupidity." It's lengthy/too wordy, I know, but something like that! Then, it'll show how much more Hugo cares for Thayn since he'll be angry for her sake and not for his own. This way, his character is slightly more developed! ^-^
Chrysalis was a little too casual? I always imagined him as being uptight and a stick in the mud. I don't think he's desperate for company either. He's more likely to insult you as you walk away, rather than ask you to stay. He is brash and very unpleasant, but he never compliments others, so that "lovely lady such as yourself" bit was a little strange haha. This is my fault since I didn't flesh him out for you properly. Sorry! ^^;;
On another note, when your characters say something, it would be best to place their sentences in different paragraphs for an easier read. For example:
Quote:
The air between us was noticeably tense. One could come along and burst it open with a simple claw-stroke. I spoke up first, dipping my head in greeting. "Thayn, ...Chrysalis." I cleared my throat, more sweat dripping down my face. "How goes it?"
"Everything is well. Although as I recall, you were supposed to be here an hour and a half ago." Thayn cheekily grinned, raising an eyebrow.
Grinning sheepishly I was about to reply before a certain someone cut me off.
"So our champion over here still hasn't gotten over his habit of keeping the lady-in-waiting well... waiting."
I heard Thayn scoff as I stared at Chrysalis, doing my best to keep a straight face. I shuffled awkwardly. "Don't be like that, you know how busy he is." She spoke with a twinge of annoyance.
"Everything is well. Although as I recall, you were supposed to be here an hour and a half ago." Thayn cheekily grinned, raising an eyebrow.
Grinning sheepishly I was about to reply before a certain someone cut me off.
"So our champion over here still hasn't gotten over his habit of keeping the lady-in-waiting well... waiting."
I heard Thayn scoff as I stared at Chrysalis, doing my best to keep a straight face. I shuffled awkwardly. "Don't be like that, you know how busy he is." She spoke with a twinge of annoyance.
This way, the readers would know that a different person is talking, lessening some confusion. ^-^
Another thing to note is, when you write down what a character is thinking, it would be best to use italics. I'm not certain for first person P.O.V.s but using italics (sometimes with single-quotes) helps differentiate the characters actual thoughts from the narrative. Example:
Quote:
It wasn't the fact that I was overly busy, more of I kept getting lost in my head.... I swallowed heavily. Could've sworn Chrysalis let out a growl at that comment. "Yeah well, busy or not. He should know how to treat a lovely lady such as yourself. Luckily I was here to keep you company."
Oh give it up already, I thought. You're not even being subtle anymore. Passerby's were starting to glance over at us now. Appears our tense atmosphere is spreading... I glanced over at Thayn, who was growing increasingly agitated; which was represented by the scowl on her face.
Oh give it up already, I thought. You're not even being subtle anymore. Passerby's were starting to glance over at us now. Appears our tense atmosphere is spreading... I glanced over at Thayn, who was growing increasingly agitated; which was represented by the scowl on her face.
Finally, I noticed that you tend to switch from present to past tense. It is highly recommended that you stick to one tense for the whole story for an easier read.
All in all, this was very nice! I apologize for not providing you with more information on Thayn and Chrysalis. That one was really my fault. You did a lovely job with Hugo though! I'm able to form him better in my head, now thanks to you! ^-^ Oh, and I did enjoy how you described their special place at the center of the town. Stars dancing in flames~ very, very magical AND romantic! ^-^
I am also sorry for the lengthy response, but I hope this will help you in the long run! ^-^
Thank you so much for writing this, I love it! I hope you don't mind if I put this in Hugo's bio? With proper credit to you, of course! ^-^
@PhoenixMiko
I appreciate the constructive criticism!
Reading back on it, the ending does seem a bit rushed, so I apologize for that. I felt like it was getting a bit too long. I'd be happy to go back and edit it for you!
With the characters thoughts I've been told both ways on it, like "Italicize it!" "Don't!" "No single quotes!" It gets a little bit confusing, and I'll have to tamper with it some more. And regarding the switching tenses, that is a problem I've known I have, it's something I struggle with. I'll definitely keep a better eye on it though, so thank you!
I don't mind at all! I'm glad you liked it for the most part, and next time I'll definitely keep your criticisms in mind.
I appreciate the constructive criticism!
Reading back on it, the ending does seem a bit rushed, so I apologize for that. I felt like it was getting a bit too long. I'd be happy to go back and edit it for you!
With the characters thoughts I've been told both ways on it, like "Italicize it!" "Don't!" "No single quotes!" It gets a little bit confusing, and I'll have to tamper with it some more. And regarding the switching tenses, that is a problem I've known I have, it's something I struggle with. I'll definitely keep a better eye on it though, so thank you!
I don't mind at all! I'm glad you liked it for the most part, and next time I'll definitely keep your criticisms in mind.
@PhoenixMiko
I appreciate the constructive criticism!
Reading back on it, the ending does seem a bit rushed, so I apologize for that. I felt like it was getting a bit too long. I'd be happy to go back and edit it for you!
With the characters thoughts I've been told both ways on it, like "Italicize it!" "Don't!" "No single quotes!" It gets a little bit confusing, and I'll have to tamper with it some more. And regarding the switching tenses, that is a problem I've known I have, it's something I struggle with. I'll definitely keep a better eye on it though, so thank you!
I don't mind at all! I'm glad you liked it for the most part, and next time I'll definitely keep your criticisms in mind.
I appreciate the constructive criticism!
Reading back on it, the ending does seem a bit rushed, so I apologize for that. I felt like it was getting a bit too long. I'd be happy to go back and edit it for you!
With the characters thoughts I've been told both ways on it, like "Italicize it!" "Don't!" "No single quotes!" It gets a little bit confusing, and I'll have to tamper with it some more. And regarding the switching tenses, that is a problem I've known I have, it's something I struggle with. I'll definitely keep a better eye on it though, so thank you!
I don't mind at all! I'm glad you liked it for the most part, and next time I'll definitely keep your criticisms in mind.
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@CloverGaming
No need to edit mine! I really like it! I just thought I'd point out a few things for when you start your actual shop. ^^
As for the characters' thoughts, I suppose it could be different depending on the style of the writer. Feel free to follow the advice you're most comfortable with!
I'd love to be pinged for when you open your shop! ^-^ I'm always looking for more stories for my dragons! ^-^ Thanks again~ ^w^
No need to edit mine! I really like it! I just thought I'd point out a few things for when you start your actual shop. ^^
As for the characters' thoughts, I suppose it could be different depending on the style of the writer. Feel free to follow the advice you're most comfortable with!
I'd love to be pinged for when you open your shop! ^-^ I'm always looking for more stories for my dragons! ^-^ Thanks again~ ^w^
@CloverGaming
No need to edit mine! I really like it! I just thought I'd point out a few things for when you start your actual shop. ^^
As for the characters' thoughts, I suppose it could be different depending on the style of the writer. Feel free to follow the advice you're most comfortable with!
I'd love to be pinged for when you open your shop! ^-^ I'm always looking for more stories for my dragons! ^-^ Thanks again~ ^w^
No need to edit mine! I really like it! I just thought I'd point out a few things for when you start your actual shop. ^^
As for the characters' thoughts, I suppose it could be different depending on the style of the writer. Feel free to follow the advice you're most comfortable with!
I'd love to be pinged for when you open your shop! ^-^ I'm always looking for more stories for my dragons! ^-^ Thanks again~ ^w^
@PhoenixMiko
Yeah, for now I think I might stick with this style. If you could even call it a style lol, it's not too well established yet. I have a lot to work on.
And no, thanks to you for the advice!
@HeartBlade1869
Adding you both now!
Yeah, for now I think I might stick with this style. If you could even call it a style lol, it's not too well established yet. I have a lot to work on.
And no, thanks to you for the advice!
@HeartBlade1869
Adding you both now!
@PhoenixMiko
Yeah, for now I think I might stick with this style. If you could even call it a style lol, it's not too well established yet. I have a lot to work on.
And no, thanks to you for the advice!
@HeartBlade1869
Adding you both now!
Yeah, for now I think I might stick with this style. If you could even call it a style lol, it's not too well established yet. I have a lot to work on.
And no, thanks to you for the advice!
@HeartBlade1869
Adding you both now!
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